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Face Off: Anna Faris vs. Malin Akerman

Sep. 23, 2013by: Droz

I see the Emmy awards were held last night. I didn't see it, I was too busy watching the Dexter finale and the second to last episode of Breaking Bad. It sucks that all the good shows seem to be going off the air. The new ones coming in to replace them don't look very promising either. Call me spoiled, but if someone isn't doing something extreme in a TV show, like cooking meth or flying in space or fighting off zombie hoards, I can't get into it. The networks may have come up with a clever new way of winning my attention back by casting high profile hotties in their shows - hotties like Anna Faris and Malin Akerman.

These two have got new TV shows coming out this fall, Malin with The Trophy Wife and Anna with Mom. The first one is about a woman who becomes the young bride to an older man with kids. The second is about a recovering alcoholic single mother dealing with life and family. I'm sure both those premises are filled with tons of potential for comedic gold. I doubt I'll ever watch either one. Though they are a good excuse to compare two smoking hot fall season hotties. But which of these aspiring TV success stories are you more excited about? Let's find out.

Beauty

Anna and Malin have a number of things in common. As far as beauty goes, they've both got blue eyes. They're both blondes who I rather prefer as brunettes. They're also both easy on the eyes. Anna wins here for me because of the additional sweetness element. She's got a bubbly quality about her that's endlessly charming. It's tough to dislike someone like Anna. If she were a serial killer, she'd make that seem adorable.

My issue with Malin is the same as I've had with a few others, namely a wavering appreciation for her looks. Sometimes I find her quite beautiful. Other times, not as much. I think it's the blonde hair. When she was Silk Spectre II in WATCHMEN, she was totally working for me. Then later when she went for the platinum blonde thing, I was less impressed. Only a few women can wear that hair well. Even if blonde is her natural color, I'm still much more down for her as a brunette.

Body

Being sweet is often a good way for women to get in a man's good graces. However, Anna goes that extra mile by also having a super hot body. That allows her to both win my heart and keep my attention. As is the case with most guys, the combination of those two things is sufficient for us to put up with pretty much anything, at least for awhile.

Speaking of WATCHMEN, did you see Malin's extended sex scene from that movie? Yeah, that's a damn fine body right there. Enough even to make one miss the distressing sight of a big, blue, glowing dong dangling around everywhere. That fine body was briefly interrupted by some unfortunate pregnancy recently, but I have faith that Malin can whip herself back into shape pretty quick.

Hotness

Being pretty and built is usually sufficient for most hotties to accomplish their hotness goals. I wont be so foolish as to claim that such isn't the case with Anna. However, one also has to take into account the sweetness/cuteness factor I mentioned earlier. Anna's characters tend to be overly cute. Being sweet and cute is great, but too much can get in the way of hotness, making us guys start to feel guilty about our desire to do unspeakable things to their body. And no one wants to feel guilty about that.

On the other hand, Malin has never had any problem maintaining her hotness. She's known for playing highly sexual characters, something she's proven quite good at time and again. Even when takes a break from that and yucks it up on shows like Children's Hospital, my reaction is still the desire to bang the shit out of her. Sounds like a Hotness category winner to me.

Career

I've never had much of a liking for the films Anna has done. None of the SCARY MOVIE movies she was in have worked for me. Stuff like THE HOUSE BUNNY is the kind of thing I run from like one might a pack of ravenous dogs. Occasionally she'll do something I enjoy, like LOST IN TRANSLATION or FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT TIME TRAVEL, but those are few and far between.

Plenty of things in Malin's CV that are more to my liking. Like many, I first became aware of her via that hilariously twisted scene in HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE. I enjoyed WATCHMEN very much, despite what some comics fans might have thought of it. Her comedic stuff is still my favorite though. She might not be the best comedian ever, but she regularly appears alongside great comedians, among them former members of the now defunct The State comedy troupe. That's good company to keep for a child of the 90s.

Malin

Is success right around the bend for these ladies' TV careers? I couldn't say. If it happens, it probably wont be thanks to my viewership contribution. That's not a knock against either of them - more like TV in general. Career choices aside, between the two of these ladies, Malin is more my speed. Anna is beautiful and built, but Malin is the hotter of the two for me.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?
EXPRESS THEM BELOW!!

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12:33PM on 10/02/2013
I'm going to need a third option on this one.
I'm going to need a third option on this one.
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9:58AM on 09/24/2013
Anna Faris
Anna Faris
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10:01PM on 09/23/2013

I agree.

Malin Akerman.
Malin Akerman.
Your Reply:



9:19PM on 09/23/2013

Malin, hands down.

I'd pay to watch Malin read the phone book over anything Faris has ever done.
I'd pay to watch Malin read the phone book over anything Faris has ever done.
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+1
6:26PM on 09/23/2013
Definitely Malin. Anna has grown on me over several years, but she's still not what I think of when I think of sexy. Maybe it's because she too often comes off as goofy and I can't take her seriously. Malin, on the other hand, often comes off as very sexual. She was drop dead in Watchmen and she isn't afraid to shed some clothing.
Definitely Malin. Anna has grown on me over several years, but she's still not what I think of when I think of sexy. Maybe it's because she too often comes off as goofy and I can't take her seriously. Malin, on the other hand, often comes off as very sexual. She was drop dead in Watchmen and she isn't afraid to shed some clothing.
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3:55PM on 09/23/2013

MALIN FTW

Malin is gorgeous and sexy and sultry and unlike Anna (who I enjoy as an actress) doesn't have fake plumped up lips.
Malin is gorgeous and sexy and sultry and unlike Anna (who I enjoy as an actress) doesn't have fake plumped up lips.
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2:15PM on 09/23/2013

Silk Spectre!

Malin Akerman...is hotter, but I prefer her as a brunette.
Malin Akerman...is hotter, but I prefer her as a brunette.
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+7
2:10PM on 09/23/2013
I've gotta go with Anna. I love a woman who can make me laugh and be hot at the same time.
I've gotta go with Anna. I love a woman who can make me laugh and be hot at the same time.
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2:59PM on 09/23/2013
Ditto.
Ditto.
1:21PM on 09/23/2013

Both are hot.

But I'm gonna have to go with Anna Faris. She's a funny girl and every guy loves a girl that can take jokes and give them just as good.
But I'm gonna have to go with Anna Faris. She's a funny girl and every guy loves a girl that can take jokes and give them just as good.
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1:17PM on 09/23/2013
Malin Akerman destroys Anna Faris.
Malin Akerman destroys Anna Faris.
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12:39PM on 09/23/2013

Faris

I have a possibly "blind love" for Anna Faris. I can't really explain it but she is a guilty pleasure of mine. Now if she could only be in more good movies.
I have a possibly "blind love" for Anna Faris. I can't really explain it but she is a guilty pleasure of mine. Now if she could only be in more good movies.
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12:30PM on 09/23/2013

Malin wins.

Good call on that, though I'm not so sure Akerman should lose the beauty category.
Good call on that, though I'm not so sure Akerman should lose the beauty category.
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11:57AM on 09/23/2013

Malin Akerman

Malin Akerman.

Have never been a fan of Farris.
Malin Akerman.

Have never been a fan of Farris.
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10:06AM on 09/23/2013
Both are smokin' but with a gun to my head, going with Malin.
Both are smokin' but with a gun to my head, going with Malin.
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9:35AM on 09/23/2013

Malin, definitely

I used to think Anna was pretty but she messed up her face so much by now she's almost unrecognizable.

For October you should do some Tim Burton's ladies showdowns like HBC vs Christina Ricci and Michelle Pfieffer vs Winona Ryder
I used to think Anna was pretty but she messed up her face so much by now she's almost unrecognizable.

For October you should do some Tim Burton's ladies showdowns like HBC vs Christina Ricci and Michelle Pfieffer vs Winona Ryder
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9:08AM on 09/23/2013

Malin Akerman

Anna Faris isn't as attractive as she used to be - I think she did something to her face. Malin on the other hand still looks great with that seductive face and those long sexy legs. Malin also seems to try out different roles while Faris just does the same thing all the time.
Anna Faris isn't as attractive as she used to be - I think she did something to her face. Malin on the other hand still looks great with that seductive face and those long sexy legs. Malin also seems to try out different roles while Faris just does the same thing all the time.
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9:02AM on 09/23/2013

Going with Malin as well.

The last movie I saw Faris in, which I can't remember for the life of me, her face looked kinda weird. So I think Malin beats her out in beauty as well.
The last movie I saw Faris in, which I can't remember for the life of me, her face looked kinda weird. So I think Malin beats her out in beauty as well.
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8:51AM on 09/23/2013
Faris is cute but Ackerman is hot! Ackerman all the way!

BTW, what happened to last week's Face-Off? It was up for a couple of hours and then disappeared.
Faris is cute but Ackerman is hot! Ackerman all the way!

BTW, what happened to last week's Face-Off? It was up for a couple of hours and then disappeared.
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9:54AM on 09/23/2013
Ah, I see. Thanks for the response.
Ah, I see. Thanks for the response.
9:03AM on 09/23/2013
People were complaining about comparing the hotness of girls who weren't of legal age yet.
People were complaining about comparing the hotness of girls who weren't of legal age yet.
6:19AM on 09/23/2013
Great idea for a Face-Off, now that I think about they are pretty similar. I guess Anna Faris is more of a goofy charmer and Malin Akerman more of a seductress, but both are attractive in their own ways. I'm going with Malin because of how well she rocked that Silk Spectre II outfit in Watchmen.
Great idea for a Face-Off, now that I think about they are pretty similar. I guess Anna Faris is more of a goofy charmer and Malin Akerman more of a seductress, but both are attractive in their own ways. I'm going with Malin because of how well she rocked that Silk Spectre II outfit in Watchmen.
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