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Face Off: Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie

Jul. 1, 2013by: Droz

You all managed to come up with a 17-17 tie game between Julie Benz and Yvonne Strahovski in last week's Face Off, forcing me to take on the Vice Presidential role and break the tie with my vote. Technically that gives Julie the win, but as per usual, super close votes like that remain too close to call. I guess that means Team Julie and Team Yvonne are evenly matched. I'll leave it to you guys to battle for supremacy. Just remember, no touching of the face or hair.

I can't believe I haven't done a Face-Off between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. Talk about deep-seated yet seemingly unspoken animosity. There's nothing more likely to provoke women to descend into slapping and hair pulling than the fight over a guy. Make that guy Brad Pitt and the situation has the potential to be the end all, be all of cat fights. Angie and Jen's apparent mutual dislike for one another has remained a cold war thus far. However, Brad's defection to the Jolie side seems to be a perpetual source of consternation to Jennifer. I predict that if these two should ever meet, face-to-face, that cold war could turn hot fast. And I mean real hot. But who would you side with in a Angie/Jenny battle royale? Show your allegiance below.

Beauty

Jen has actually endured well over the years, looking pretty much the same as she did 10 years ago. That being said, I'm not much of a fan of her looks. She's not ugly I guess, but she still doesn't do much for me in this category. In fact, I've never understood what the hype was about. It's not like she's displeasing. I guess hers is just not my kind of face. She seems like any number of random women you might walk past on the street - pleasantly arranged, but nothing special.

I used to have an intense passion for Angie's beauty back in the day. Her sweet spot was the late 90s and early 2000s, before she started getting all anorexic-looking and plasticky. The Angelina of today is a pale, hollowed out version of that startling vision of womanhood from back in the day. Occasionally there's a flash of the past in a certain expression or glance of the eye today, but it's transient. So for those reasons, I'm just gonna pass on this category.

Body

Jen has resisted the push for boney ass starvation diets for most of her career, making for a body of beautiful proportions that's still got some curve and reasonable fat content about it. I like that about Jennifer. I'm sure she goes to all the same ends that other big league actresses do to keep in shape, but she hasn't let that ruin her feminine look. I approve of this.

First of all, I'm not giving Jen the win here because Angie got her boobs cut out, so no nasty remarks about that. Angie's loss here is entirely about years of starving herself into a freakishly thin shadow of her once beautiful, well built self. Something seemed to happen to her when the TOMB RAIDER movies tanked. She stopped consuming food the way we do and became an emaciated shell with a decade long need for sammiches. Not good.

Hotness

I might not have gone for the tie here, had I not seen HORRIBLE BOSSES. While perhaps not the greatest movie, it did demonstrate Jennifer's keen ability to be a full-on slut of epic proportions. Is any of that real? I'll never know. Is Angelina's sexual intensity real? Maybe once. I get the feeling that domesticated life and the onset of her 30s has calmed her down to more manageable levels of sexuality. So it's likely both these ladies are putting on a show as far as their public hotness goes. That doesn't make it any less hot though.

No longer eating in sustainable ways didn't stop Angie from remaining a sexy, sultry, wildcat of a hottie. Even at the worst of it in that movie WANTED when her arms were so thin they looked like toothpicks next to those huge guns, she was still eminently bangable. Something about those eyes hints at the unstable, sexual beast inside her, just chomping at the bit to get down with someone, something, anything. Despite it all, Angie's never lost the ability to convey that kind of sexual intensity.

Relationship

Had to add a relationship category here, as relationships are the whole reason these two are being matched against each other in the first place. Jen's relationships have been notoriously awful, ending prematurely and usually with plenty of drama. While she did manage to get engaged to actor Justin Thoreaux, it looks like recent events have seen this relationship go to shit like all the rest of her previous endeavors. Is Jen simply way too high maintenance for relationships? It wouldn't surprise me. I never got the impression she had to try very hard to play Rachel on Friends.

Has there been a more iconic Hollywood relationship than Brangelina? These two have gone through the fire with one another, enduring death, sickness, huge broods of children, career ambitions, long periods spent apart from one another while in the company of hot co-stars, the intrusive eyes of the media, unending speculations about their imminent break-ups and on and on. Yet they're still together, still making it happen. And they still look to be very much in love. I tend to be rather cynical when it comes to stuff like this, but from the looks of them I'm willing to believe that they've found true love.

Career

Jennifer has stumbled along for years in movie making misery, appearing in crap I wouldn't watch if they paid me. Occasionally she finds her way into some good stuff with movies like OFFICE SPACE or BRUCE ALMIGHTY or HORRIBLE BOSSES. The rest of it tends to be horrible chick flick dreck guys like me are dragged to see kicking and screaming. Don't even get me started on that horrible concoction of shit called Friends. If I ever hear that theme song again I will have to murder the person who plays it. So be warned.

I wouldn't say that everything Angelina's done with her career was perfect. However, she's done a lot more stuff that interests me. She actually makes a lot of underrated movies that I love, even if no one else likes them or even knows they exist. We all know about her bigger movies, but how many folks call themselves fans of films like HACKERS or FOXFIRE or PUSHING TIN? I think I might be the only person who really loved SKY CAPTAIN. What some people would call Angie's shit movies are the ones I really love. Sounds like a winner to me.

Angelina

Choosing Angelina is probably my way of honoring past iterations of her rather than the current one. It's not the first time I've had an unhealthy obsession with the past. I just hope, should things ever go down between these two, that there are cameras there to document it and that along with large clumps of stylized hair that fly from the scene come equally large shreds of clothing.

*HISS* *HISS* RAWR*

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?
EXPRESS THEM BELOW...!!

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+0
4:15AM on 07/09/2013

love em both

Jeez you need not sound hysterical and arrogant when commenting on people ! are you getting paid for this or something ?
Jeez you need not sound hysterical and arrogant when commenting on people ! are you getting paid for this or something ?
Your Reply:



9:00PM on 07/04/2013

I pick Aniston.

Aside from the body, I think she has the better overall personality since Jolie seems antisocial.
Aside from the body, I think she has the better overall personality since Jolie seems antisocial.
Your Reply:



2:08PM on 07/02/2013

Angelina

I don't care what you guys say, she's still one of the most beautiful women ever to be on the planet.
I don't care what you guys say, she's still one of the most beautiful women ever to be on the planet.
Your Reply:



11:39AM on 07/02/2013
Jennifer Aniston no question about it. While Angelina Jolie was hot about a decade ago she has since turned into a literal vampire. I wish she would actually digest a meal here and there.
Jennifer Aniston no question about it. While Angelina Jolie was hot about a decade ago she has since turned into a literal vampire. I wish she would actually digest a meal here and there.
Your Reply:



9:30AM on 07/02/2013
Also I LOVE Sky Captain!
Also I LOVE Sky Captain!
Your Reply:



1:21AM on 07/02/2013

I've got to go with...

Angelina Jolie.
Angelina Jolie.
Your Reply:



12:35AM on 07/02/2013

No Contest

Jen back in the day and today.
Jen back in the day and today.
Your Reply:



11:17PM on 07/01/2013

Angelina Jolie

She was attractive, in that forest fire way, back in the Billy-Bob/GIRL INTERRUPTED days but she's matured a lot and has proved that the Oscar win was no fluke. I think it also speaks volumes that she and Brad Pitt have stayed together while Jennifer can't keep a relationship going (I suspect high-maintenance as well).

Give her a crapload of protein and send her to the gym and Angelina would kill in an action role. I'm also looking forward to how she plays the villain in MALEFICIENT (very
She was attractive, in that forest fire way, back in the Billy-Bob/GIRL INTERRUPTED days but she's matured a lot and has proved that the Oscar win was no fluke. I think it also speaks volumes that she and Brad Pitt have stayed together while Jennifer can't keep a relationship going (I suspect high-maintenance as well).

Give her a crapload of protein and send her to the gym and Angelina would kill in an action role. I'm also looking forward to how she plays the villain in MALEFICIENT (very well, I expect). Jennifer Aniston's name on a movie poster is an automatic turn-off for me.
Your Reply:



10:25AM on 07/02/2013
Angelina was made to play Maleficient. I cannot wait.
Angelina was made to play Maleficient. I cannot wait.
10:57PM on 07/01/2013

No Question

Angie Baby
Angie Baby
Your Reply:



10:48PM on 07/01/2013
Angelina! well more of classic Angelina....Aniston has definitely improved over the years...but can not match Angelina.
Angelina! well more of classic Angelina....Aniston has definitely improved over the years...but can not match Angelina.
Your Reply:



+4
9:50PM on 07/01/2013
Angelina. Duh.
Angelina. Duh.
Your Reply:



+7
9:18PM on 07/01/2013

jolie.

icon vs tv show celebrity.
not even that close.
icon vs tv show celebrity.
not even that close.
Your Reply:



7:53PM on 07/01/2013
Jennifer Aniston because she's still attractive.
Jennifer Aniston because she's still attractive.
Your Reply:



6:37PM on 07/01/2013

Angelina...

While JA has the look and style of the "girl next door", Angelina has the look of the "smokin' hot chick" that I DON'T want to bring home to mother.

Angelina for me.
While JA has the look and style of the "girl next door", Angelina has the look of the "smokin' hot chick" that I DON'T want to bring home to mother.

Angelina for me.
Your Reply:



+7
4:29PM on 07/01/2013
Jennifer Aniston for me.
Jennifer Aniston for me.
Your Reply:



4:28PM on 07/01/2013

Angelina

I think both women are extremely attractive but Jolie pretty much does it almost effortlessly. Also, I can watch just about anything she's in and not get bored which is something I can't say for Aniston.
I think both women are extremely attractive but Jolie pretty much does it almost effortlessly. Also, I can watch just about anything she's in and not get bored which is something I can't say for Aniston.
Your Reply:



+4
1:59PM on 07/01/2013

Angelina

Jen's got the better body these days and I loved Rachel but I'm not a big fan of Jen. She's become desperate and it's an unattractive quality.
Angelina's still gorgeous, hot and talented with six kids who are always smiling and happy in almost every photo I see, and she's a great humanitarian to boot.
Jen's got the better body these days and I loved Rachel but I'm not a big fan of Jen. She's become desperate and it's an unattractive quality.
Angelina's still gorgeous, hot and talented with six kids who are always smiling and happy in almost every photo I see, and she's a great humanitarian to boot.
Your Reply:



+4
1:52PM on 07/01/2013
Angelina all the way.
Angelina all the way.
Your Reply:



+5
1:46PM on 07/01/2013
Angelina
Angelina
Your Reply:



+1
12:54PM on 07/01/2013
I like both but I prefer Aniston. Amazing body.
I like both but I prefer Aniston. Amazing body.
Your Reply:



12:33PM on 07/01/2013

Angie

This was easy, It's not even close..Angelina. I agree, she's a bit on the thin side but I can look past that flaw. I'll simply be her cabana boy and feed her by the pool, daily. Tough job but someone has to do it.
This was easy, It's not even close..Angelina. I agree, she's a bit on the thin side but I can look past that flaw. I'll simply be her cabana boy and feed her by the pool, daily. Tough job but someone has to do it.
Your Reply:



12:27PM on 07/01/2013
Angelina by a million light years. She's hotter, much more talented, a genuinely good person and doesn't have to act like a skank in her movies to try and stay relevant like Aniston does.
Angelina by a million light years. She's hotter, much more talented, a genuinely good person and doesn't have to act like a skank in her movies to try and stay relevant like Aniston does.
Your Reply:



+2
12:12PM on 07/01/2013

JENNIFER.

Her body is perfect. Not too thin nor fat. And she doesn't age. But more importantly, she's a natural beauty. Angelina is not ugly, but she's too much of a sex symbol.
Her body is perfect. Not too thin nor fat. And she doesn't age. But more importantly, she's a natural beauty. Angelina is not ugly, but she's too much of a sex symbol.
Your Reply:



-2
11:21AM on 07/01/2013

Anniston wins this without a doubt

Jolie was something to talk about in this manner back int he day, but now she is not so much. Too skeletal - which is a shame. Even had she been in this as her former self, Anniston wins
Jolie was something to talk about in this manner back int he day, but now she is not so much. Too skeletal - which is a shame. Even had she been in this as her former self, Anniston wins
Your Reply:



9:20AM on 07/01/2013

no contest

its jennifer she is so gorgeous
its jennifer she is so gorgeous
Your Reply:



9:20AM on 07/01/2013

Jennifer Aniston

I've never really understood the appeal of Angelina Jolie. Frankly I think her acting is pretty bad and I never really found her to be that attractive either. Jennifer is still hot even if her film career isn't all that great.
I've never really understood the appeal of Angelina Jolie. Frankly I think her acting is pretty bad and I never really found her to be that attractive either. Jennifer is still hot even if her film career isn't all that great.
Your Reply:



8:58AM on 07/01/2013

Angelina

Jen's cool but no one beats the queen of philanthropy and beautiful person Angie!
Jen's cool but no one beats the queen of philanthropy and beautiful person Angie!
Your Reply:



8:32AM on 07/01/2013

Jolie

Without a shadow of doubt.
Without a shadow of doubt.
Your Reply:



5:22AM on 07/01/2013

Jennifer Aniston

never been a fan of jolie, not withstanding the annoying political posturing she does she is way to thin to point of her looking like a skeleton with massive lips.
never been a fan of jolie, not withstanding the annoying political posturing she does she is way to thin to point of her looking like a skeleton with massive lips.
Your Reply:



5:15AM on 07/01/2013

I Abstain

As someone who is recently single, the month-long grace period of indifference to all members of the fairer sex has ended and I am now in full-on "every woman is hot and I'd do her" mode so I can't decide at the moment, but I do find the Aniston/Jolie thing fascinating, because they sort of represent two phases of Pitt's career in two women who haven't seemed to have changed much over the years except in regard to Pitt.
As someone who is recently single, the month-long grace period of indifference to all members of the fairer sex has ended and I am now in full-on "every woman is hot and I'd do her" mode so I can't decide at the moment, but I do find the Aniston/Jolie thing fascinating, because they sort of represent two phases of Pitt's career in two women who haven't seemed to have changed much over the years except in regard to Pitt.
Your Reply:



4:44AM on 07/01/2013
Jolie.
Jolie.
Your Reply:



4:40AM on 07/01/2013
Pitting these two against each other never gets old. They're pretty different in terms of their appeal: Aniston has always come off as more of the funny, down-to-earth girl next door and Jolie as the slinky seductress. One article on the subject asked "who would you rather choose? Rainbow Brite or Jessica Rabbit?" I'm going with Angelina, I've said many times that her in the first Tomb Raider movie was to me what Leia in the metal bikini was to guys who came of age in the early 80s.
Pitting these two against each other never gets old. They're pretty different in terms of their appeal: Aniston has always come off as more of the funny, down-to-earth girl next door and Jolie as the slinky seductress. One article on the subject asked "who would you rather choose? Rainbow Brite or Jessica Rabbit?" I'm going with Angelina, I've said many times that her in the first Tomb Raider movie was to me what Leia in the metal bikini was to guys who came of age in the early 80s.
Your Reply:



4:23AM on 07/01/2013

Jennifer

well this is an awkward one thats for sure, considering they both been with Brad Pitt. 10 years ago I would have said Angelina when she was a freak & doing weird shit. Now she became boring & pretends to be some kind of ambassador & adopting kids. With all that being said I go with Jennifer Aniston, she has been hot for a long time, like she doesn't age.
well this is an awkward one thats for sure, considering they both been with Brad Pitt. 10 years ago I would have said Angelina when she was a freak & doing weird shit. Now she became boring & pretends to be some kind of ambassador & adopting kids. With all that being said I go with Jennifer Aniston, she has been hot for a long time, like she doesn't age.
Your Reply:



10:05AM on 07/01/2013
Yes I said pretend & I stand buy, seems more political than really trying to make a real difference.
Yes I said pretend & I stand buy, seems more political than really trying to make a real difference.
4:29AM on 07/01/2013
"Now she became boring & pretends to be some kind of ambassador"

Pretends?
"Now she became boring & pretends to be some kind of ambassador"

Pretends?

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