On and off couple Hayden Panettiere and her massive boxer boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko went out to lunch yesterday, looking like something out of a SHREK movie. They seem to get along okay I guess, but you don't get much more visually mismatched than that. Look at Hayden try in vain to drag Wladimir's massive bulk away from his lunch, consisting of a oil drum full of borscht, while he does his best not to crush her child-like hand with his huge paws. Unfortunately we didn't get to see Hayden load him up into a reinforced buckboard pulled by a team if 16 Clydesdales, which is the only mode of transport that can sufficiently accommodate such massive bulk. Okay, I better stop before Wlad gets mad at me and decides to demolish my house all Stay Puft Marshmallow style.
Actually, Wladimir is relatively normal in size. The stark difference between them comes from the fact that Hayden is only 3 feet tall. He keeps her in a little box by the bed. She's got a hamster wheel in there, one of those water feeders and everything. They just have to keep the cat away, lest it drag her off to her doom. Okay, I kid, I kid. Seriously though, they look like a happy couple when I see them together. I still can't get my mind off how these two get it on. How does she not get torn in half? I imagine that scenario playing out much like a Great Dane roughing up a plush toy in a fit of playfulness. You've got to keep an eye on him or else chunks of things will go flying everywhere.
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