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Hot or Not: Dakota Johnson

Sep. 3, 2013by: Cherry Liquor

Any time that you think that as fanboys and fangirls, your proclivities and interests will always get a project made, I want you to pick up your smartphone and dial up your mama. As you're talking to her, ask what television shows she watches. Ask which books she reads. Then write them all down. Because if a movie or a show of any kind is going to get made that you're sure to rag on during your internet trolling, it's going to be your mama's fault. Yes, folks. This week's Hot or Not selection is brought to you by the casting announcement of the film adaptation of the book "Fifty Shades of Grey." (For the record, I blame your moms, not mine, the English Literature Master's Degree holder.)

Dakota Johnson

I recall this chick getting born into this world, which makes me feel old and stupid for wasting space in my brain for that fact. I was a little girl when I would sneak opportunities to watch "Miami Vice," thinking that there was nothing more that I wanted in the world than to grow up and own a boat with a gator named Elvis. I also wanted to grow up to be Melanie Griffith and seduce Han Solo by vacuuming topless and being deceptively smart for a sexy woman. While I like Dakota's parents (I definitely remember my mom making fun of them naming her that, when she wasn't mocking Demi and Bruce's progeny name choices) just fine in my own way, what is she really, other than their daughter?

Prior to getting cast in THE SOCIAL NETWORK in 2010, Dakota had only one other film credit to her resume, playing her mother's daughter along with half-sister Stella Banderas in CRAZY IN ALABAMA. What did Miss Johnson do between the ages of birth (she's only a year older than Jennifer Lawrence, which kinda floors me) and the 2010's? She was a model, where she did the stick-skinny thing, tattooing the inside of her bicep thing, being caught by paparazzi as her mother lit a cigarette for her when she was 15-years old thing. Frankly, when I saw this picture, I had to triple check that it was indeed Dakota from her modeling years, as she looks like Courtney Love. (Comparison not meant to be complimentary.)

Since cleaning up, thickening up and appearing in movies like 21 JUMP STREET (I hate you, Jonah Hill. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you) and the short-lived television series, "Ben and Kate," Dakota has refashioned herself into an actress who looks 60% like her mother and 40% like her father. That's not a bad thing. She has good looking parents. But somehow... it's like when you have to make a junkyard sandwich - you know, when you grab the one last slice of bologna, the half dried out piece of cheese at the back of the fridge, use thousand island dressing because there's no more mayo and put it all into the last stale hot dog bun that you have in the house because it's the only bread you have - sure, it's food. But if you had other options...

What do you think of Dakota Johnson?

Source: IMDB

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-4
2:48AM on 09/11/2013

Hot

She is one of those women who can go good or bad depending on her look of the day. The pictures you used make me thinks she's so-so, but her appearance in Social Network (in those awesome bootie shorts) was spectacular. She can be crazy-hot, but she's not as naturally beautiful as a lot of famous actresses.
She is one of those women who can go good or bad depending on her look of the day. The pictures you used make me thinks she's so-so, but her appearance in Social Network (in those awesome bootie shorts) was spectacular. She can be crazy-hot, but she's not as naturally beautiful as a lot of famous actresses.
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+10
4:37PM on 09/05/2013
Not, she's not hot at all. She desperately needs braces,and her face is in the 6ish territory. Her body is 7ish,but it isn't nearly enough to make her hot.
Not, she's not hot at all. She desperately needs braces,and her face is in the 6ish territory. Her body is 7ish,but it isn't nearly enough to make her hot.
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8:15PM on 09/04/2013

NOT

definitely not hot
definitely not hot
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4:34PM on 09/04/2013
I don't give a crap about 50 shades garbage, or as it should be known poorly written porn for women............ but overall I shes pretty, i'd certainly let her kick me out of her bed :)
I don't give a crap about 50 shades garbage, or as it should be known poorly written porn for women............ but overall I shes pretty, i'd certainly let her kick me out of her bed :)
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10:26AM on 09/04/2013
She's very pretty. Also reminds me a little bit of Ashley Johnson.
She's very pretty. Also reminds me a little bit of Ashley Johnson.
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9:29PM on 09/03/2013

second thought......

now that i take another look i do really like that punk rock look she has in those jeans.... hmmmmm my hormone sense is tingling.....
now that i take another look i do really like that punk rock look she has in those jeans.... hmmmmm my hormone sense is tingling.....
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-3
8:01PM on 09/03/2013

Attractive enough...

And she's got a good sense of humor, but I've never really thought of her as hot... Not that I'd kick her out of bed.
And she's got a good sense of humor, but I've never really thought of her as hot... Not that I'd kick her out of bed.
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6:41PM on 09/03/2013

Depends......

She is by no means unattractive or as disgusting as Lady Gaga but I wouldn't consider her to be something special either. I think she is a normal attractive looking girl which I like instead of when Hollywood goes straight to Jessica Biel or another knockout. I think dolled up she could look great. I've never read the books so I don't know what the character is supposed to look like. Nor do I care to read that pile of shit (supposed to awful unless your a frigid housewife with no life) I think
She is by no means unattractive or as disgusting as Lady Gaga but I wouldn't consider her to be something special either. I think she is a normal attractive looking girl which I like instead of when Hollywood goes straight to Jessica Biel or another knockout. I think dolled up she could look great. I've never read the books so I don't know what the character is supposed to look like. Nor do I care to read that pile of shit (supposed to awful unless your a frigid housewife with no life) I think she could pull this off.
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1:55PM on 09/04/2013
you realize that "normal attractive" means ugly right?
you realize that "normal attractive" means ugly right?
+5
3:17PM on 09/03/2013

Nah NOT HOT

I'm sorry for that role (and this column), you are supposed to be hot, not "OK", not "good enough" or "not bad" or even "i wouldn't kick her out of bed" material. You need to be hot, like Halle Berry, Scarlett, Portman, Playboy/Maxim models, I mean no question without a doubt hall of famer!!! That is where this movie fails, if they could have brought someone in who hasn't really given up the goods (portman, scarlett, watson) you would have got a good group of guys who would normally have no
I'm sorry for that role (and this column), you are supposed to be hot, not "OK", not "good enough" or "not bad" or even "i wouldn't kick her out of bed" material. You need to be hot, like Halle Berry, Scarlett, Portman, Playboy/Maxim models, I mean no question without a doubt hall of famer!!! That is where this movie fails, if they could have brought someone in who hasn't really given up the goods (portman, scarlett, watson) you would have got a good group of guys who would normally have no reason to watch this potential piece of garbage show up just to see them show it off, but now almost nobody cares or knows who she is, same with the male lead for most ladies who wanted to see this movie, that isn't the guy they were thinking of.
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1:39PM on 09/03/2013

Attractive enough

as others have mentioned, I suspect a lot of the hate stems from the fact that she's been cast in the 50 SHADES OF GREY trilogy. Admittedly, if it does well in theatres, it's one hell of a payday for her.
as others have mentioned, I suspect a lot of the hate stems from the fact that she's been cast in the 50 SHADES OF GREY trilogy. Admittedly, if it does well in theatres, it's one hell of a payday for her.
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-4
1:25PM on 09/03/2013
I think she's attractive
I think she's attractive
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12:30PM on 09/03/2013
Not hot, but dirty cute.
Not hot, but dirty cute.
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12:09PM on 09/03/2013
I'd do her, Ben and Kate was funny for the first 3 episodes or so anyway.
I'd do her, Ben and Kate was funny for the first 3 episodes or so anyway.
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11:16AM on 09/03/2013
Not outrageously hot, but she's quite cute.
Not outrageously hot, but she's quite cute.
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10:50AM on 09/03/2013

Not really no.

Very forgettable face.
Very forgettable face.
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10:09AM on 09/03/2013

Yes

Because I think everyone's being overly harsh on her. Just b/c she's gonna be in 50 shades of suck doesn't mean she's not a pretty girl.
Because I think everyone's being overly harsh on her. Just b/c she's gonna be in 50 shades of suck doesn't mean she's not a pretty girl.
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11:01AM on 09/03/2013
Is that who she is? I thought she was Don Johnson's daughter.
Is that who she is? I thought she was Don Johnson's daughter.
12:22PM on 09/03/2013
She is Don Johnson's daughter with Melanie Griffith.
She is Don Johnson's daughter with Melanie Griffith.
7:05PM on 09/03/2013
She's very pretty, the point though is that she'll draw in very little for the film. The story is stupid enough to begin with, guys won't be clawing to see it.
She's very pretty, the point though is that she'll draw in very little for the film. The story is stupid enough to begin with, guys won't be clawing to see it.
9:26AM on 09/03/2013
Who the FUCK cares about 50 Shades? It is by far the worst book I've ever read. And that is no joke. It's not even decent smut.
Who the FUCK cares about 50 Shades? It is by far the worst book I've ever read. And that is no joke. It's not even decent smut.
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9:08AM on 09/03/2013
The movie is going to suffer with no A-list actress or actor in it. This woman is practically nobody.
The movie is going to suffer with no A-list actress or actor in it. This woman is practically nobody.
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+11
8:58AM on 09/03/2013

these need a neutral option

shes not ugly but i dont care about seeing her naked
shes not ugly but i dont care about seeing her naked
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8:41AM on 09/03/2013
She looks pretty good in the second photo, but other than that, I have not seen many photos of her looking hot. Either way, I think she is a horrible choice for 50 Shades of Grey. I am disappointed that she was picked, and I am disappointed that Charlie Hunnam was picked to play Christian Grey. However, I at least like Charlie Hunnam, and he is one of my favorite actors and I know he can act because I have been watching Sons of Anarchy since it started, not to mention I have seen him in Pacific
She looks pretty good in the second photo, but other than that, I have not seen many photos of her looking hot. Either way, I think she is a horrible choice for 50 Shades of Grey. I am disappointed that she was picked, and I am disappointed that Charlie Hunnam was picked to play Christian Grey. However, I at least like Charlie Hunnam, and he is one of my favorite actors and I know he can act because I have been watching Sons of Anarchy since it started, not to mention I have seen him in Pacific Rim, Deadfall, and a few other things. I just don't think he is right for the character, as far as looks go. I also can't imagine Charlie Hunnman acting like a depressed billionaire with the emotional maturity of a child. Again though, I know he can act, so I am at least intrigued to see how he will pull it off. When it comes to Dakota Johnson all I feel is disappointment, and not the slightest curiosity to see how she will pull off the character. I stand by the belief that Emilia Clarke would have been a much better pick for Anastasia Steele.
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8:20AM on 09/03/2013
Hot scene in Social Network. Enough said.
Hot scene in Social Network. Enough said.
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8:45AM on 09/03/2013
Can you post a link of that scene, because I don't remember it, and any thing that might show this chick being hot would be appreciated, because so far I have not seen much to back that up.
Can you post a link of that scene, because I don't remember it, and any thing that might show this chick being hot would be appreciated, because so far I have not seen much to back that up.
9:55AM on 09/03/2013
@Bridgeburner:

I think she was the Stanford student taking a shower after sleeping with Justin Timberlake.
@Bridgeburner:

I think she was the Stanford student taking a shower after sleeping with Justin Timberlake.
2:10PM on 09/03/2013
That's exactly who she was... but who was she in 21 Jump Street?
That's exactly who she was... but who was she in 21 Jump Street?
7:48AM on 09/03/2013
Looks a tad too much like dad?
Looks a tad too much like dad?
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7:34AM on 09/03/2013

Hot ...no but she has a pretty face and has a slightly dirty quality about her.

Can see why she got the part.
Can see why she got the part.
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7:22AM on 09/03/2013
No.
No.
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7:21AM on 09/03/2013
meh, not impressive in the slightest
meh, not impressive in the slightest
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+4
7:21AM on 09/03/2013

Aggggggh!

Absolutely not!
Absolutely not!
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5:11AM on 09/03/2013
Not
Not
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