Any time that you think that as fanboys and fangirls, your proclivities and interests will always get a project made, I want you to pick up your smartphone and dial up your mama. As you're talking to her, ask what television shows she watches. Ask which books she reads. Then write them all down. Because if a movie or a show of any kind is going to get made that you're sure to rag on during your internet trolling, it's going to be your mama's fault. Yes, folks. This week's Hot or Not selection is brought to you by the casting announcement of the film adaptation of the book "Fifty Shades of Grey." (For the record, I blame your moms, not mine, the English Literature Master's Degree holder.)
I recall this chick getting born into this world, which makes me feel old and stupid for wasting space in my brain for that fact. I was a little girl when I would sneak opportunities to watch "Miami Vice," thinking that there was nothing more that I wanted in the world than to grow up and own a boat with a gator named Elvis. I also wanted to grow up to be Melanie Griffith and seduce Han Solo by vacuuming topless and being deceptively smart for a sexy woman. While I like Dakota's parents (I definitely remember my mom making fun of them naming her that, when she wasn't mocking Demi and Bruce's progeny name choices) just fine in my own way, what is she really, other than their daughter?
Prior to getting cast in THE SOCIAL NETWORK in 2010, Dakota had only one other film credit to her resume, playing her mother's daughter along with half-sister Stella Banderas in CRAZY IN ALABAMA. What did Miss Johnson do between the ages of birth (she's only a year older than Jennifer Lawrence, which kinda floors me) and the 2010's? She was a model, where she did the stick-skinny thing, tattooing the inside of her bicep thing, being caught by paparazzi as her mother lit a cigarette for her when she was 15-years old thing. Frankly, when I saw this picture, I had to triple check that it was indeed Dakota from her modeling years, as she looks like Courtney Love. (Comparison not meant to be complimentary.)
Since cleaning up, thickening up and appearing in movies like 21 JUMP STREET (I hate you, Jonah Hill. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you) and the short-lived television series, "Ben and Kate," Dakota has refashioned herself into an actress who looks 60% like her mother and 40% like her father. That's not a bad thing. She has good looking parents. But somehow... it's like when you have to make a junkyard sandwich - you know, when you grab the one last slice of bologna, the half dried out piece of cheese at the back of the fridge, use thousand island dressing because there's no more mayo and put it all into the last stale hot dog bun that you have in the house because it's the only bread you have - sure, it's food. But if you had other options...
What do you think of Dakota Johnson?