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Hottie Report Card: Alison Brie

Jan. 3, 2014by: Salacious Crumb

We're three days into the new year, and like a rabid bat out of hell, "Community" has already made its way back on the air. Is this a good thing, necessarily? Of course it is! Not because it's best show, or even because Mike from "Breaking Bad" will be appearing in the comeback season, but for one special reason… more Annie and Britta cat fights (potentially)! In case you haven't heard, the show has almost made Alison Brie more famous for being a "gif paragon" than for her comedic qualities. Indeed, she is quite a lovely specimen to lay eyes on, but how does this funny girl do in a classroom filled with other hotties?

When I first noticed Alison, she kind of struck me as someone who might work as a summer camp counselor or pre-school teacher; a soccer mom sans the kids. She gradually grew on me more and more, but that was mostly due to her occasional underpants photoshoots. Basically, my attraction to Brie probably didn't start above the shoulders, but there's no denying she has a good mixture of "cute" and "hot" going on.

Yet another sad case of a lack of exposure. It's not that she has no ass, but if it was truly substantial, we'd have noticed by now. I wish there was more to say about Brie's buttocks, but for the most part, she works her hottie magic from the front end of things. Of course, Brie has the power to improve her grade in this subject, simply by having a beach day, or having more photos taken like this...

Whatever shortcomings Brie has behind her, she makes up for with a superb upper-deck. The evolution of Brie's bewbage should be made into a twelve-part documentary, and narrated by Morgan Freeman. Over the years, thanks to endless screencaps and slow-mo replays, Alison's ample assets have made a name for themselves. Brie seems to be pretty self-aware in regards to the matter. We just hope she keeps up the good work.

Alison's body type was another thing I wasn't entirely sold on when I first saw her in a baggy sweater behind a desk. Once again, Alison proved me wrong over time. Who knows what was going through my mind in those earlier years (intense drug-use)? If anything at all, she could be a bit more tone in certain areas, but who am I kidding? It's a very nice figure. Any guy with a bad pick-up line would be lucky for Alison to hold it against them.

Alison's current career is the result of a snowball effect, which started by her brief stint in the cheaply-made series "Hot Sluts". She'd worked as an actress before then, but her roles in "Community", "Mad Men", SCREAM 4 and THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT all came after "Hot Sluts", so check it out. While she's certainly climbed the ladder since then, I wish we would've seen Alison grab Hollywood's attention by the nuts by now. Luckily, she looks to be busy in 2014, with more prominent roles in GET A JOB, SEARCH PARTY, NO STRANGER THAN LOVE and the continuation of "Community", of course.

It's tough not to dig a hottie who's so unbelievably perky (in some places more than others), and who once started an ambitious career as a clown. Yeah, that kind of clown. Plus it doesn't hurt that, while she may not get the best projects, she's actually got some chops as an actress. She never comes off as dull or boring, but then again, I have a hunch the entire cast of "Community" feeds on nothing but Red Bull and caffeinated marshmallows (except for Joel McHale, who lives off of the leaves in the high trees). All in all, Brie's just another hot chick in the hall.

Extra Tidbit: Now how about someone who's not a complete knockout?

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+5
2:36PM on 01/05/2014
A+
A+
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11:08PM on 01/03/2014

Yeah...

She's the whole package. Perfect.
She's the whole package. Perfect.
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+9
7:48PM on 01/03/2014

Yeah this girl is a 10

I love this girl. Perfect in every way, amazing personality too.
I love this girl. Perfect in every way, amazing personality too.
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7:35PM on 01/03/2014
So adorable on Community, but also so g'damn hot in these pics. I'm torn! I don't want to view her as a sex symbol!
So adorable on Community, but also so g'damn hot in these pics. I'm torn! I don't want to view her as a sex symbol!
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1:42PM on 01/03/2014
Her middle name should be motorboat. She's just aching for a proper nude scene.

Anyway, it's hard to think of someone for next week who's not a complete knockout when we know she wouldn't have such a high grade. I suppose if you want someone who's pretty hot but not fully endowed in certain areas, I see a link featuring a picture of Piper Perabo above where I'm typing, for whatever reason, so maybe do her next week? I'm still hung on you guys to a Hottie *Progress* Report Card for the lesser
Her middle name should be motorboat. She's just aching for a proper nude scene.

Anyway, it's hard to think of someone for next week who's not a complete knockout when we know she wouldn't have such a high grade. I suppose if you want someone who's pretty hot but not fully endowed in certain areas, I see a link featuring a picture of Piper Perabo above where I'm typing, for whatever reason, so maybe do her next week? I'm still hung on you guys to a Hottie *Progress* Report Card for the lesser known but super adorbs Melissa Fumero.
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+10
1:07PM on 01/03/2014
Nothing but gorgeous. Very talented, who deserves more comedic roles!
Nothing but gorgeous. Very talented, who deserves more comedic roles!
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12:28PM on 01/03/2014

A+ for Annie's Boobs

Love me this JAP. For someone not perfect? Hmm This is Hollywood we're talking about Khloe Kardashian. I know she isn't an actress, but still an interesting example of someone with divisive looks.
Love me this JAP. For someone not perfect? Hmm This is Hollywood we're talking about Khloe Kardashian. I know she isn't an actress, but still an interesting example of someone with divisive looks.
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12:06PM on 01/03/2014

A+ Stuning!

She is perfect! thats it
She is perfect! thats it
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11:43AM on 01/03/2014
She is the total package in my opinion. Smart, sexy, and funny with a body to die for. Any man would be lucky to be with her.
She is the total package in my opinion. Smart, sexy, and funny with a body to die for. Any man would be lucky to be with her.
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11:41AM on 01/03/2014
She's definitely a hottie but I think she's overrated tbh and prefer Gillian Jacobs. The only category Brie has Jacobs beat in is boobs.

How about Gabrielle Union next? She has a new show coming out.
She's definitely a hottie but I think she's overrated tbh and prefer Gillian Jacobs. The only category Brie has Jacobs beat in is boobs.

How about Gabrielle Union next? She has a new show coming out.
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-14
8:54AM on 01/03/2014

I guess you don't like her

Minuses are only given to those who the teacher doesn't like..haha

Let me get this out of the way. At times, she can be a little over the top with how she tries to be funny.

With that said... I think she is extremely beautiful and she is a talented actress. She does a fine both with the drama on Mad Men and the comedy on Community.

Her body is ridiculous. She doesn't have a big booty but it is nice for a white girl her size. She does have beautiful curves though and those eyes
Minuses are only given to those who the teacher doesn't like..haha

Let me get this out of the way. At times, she can be a little over the top with how she tries to be funny.

With that said... I think she is extremely beautiful and she is a talented actress. She does a fine both with the drama on Mad Men and the comedy on Community.

Her body is ridiculous. She doesn't have a big booty but it is nice for a white girl her size. She does have beautiful curves though and those eyes are to die for. You can tell that she is a little freak in bed too.
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8:52AM on 01/03/2014
Alison is a sexy girl with awesome breasts. Her career grade should be higher as well.
Alison is a sexy girl with awesome breasts. Her career grade should be higher as well.
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8:36AM on 01/03/2014
She's a stunner. Big pretty eyes and very nice boobs.
She's a stunner. Big pretty eyes and very nice boobs.
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-1
8:29AM on 01/03/2014
Definite all around hottie!
Definite all around hottie!
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