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Hottie Report Card: Cameron Diaz

Jul. 18, 2014by: Salacious Crumb

Whether your excited or repulsed by the fact, SEX TAPE is out in theaters today. It could just be my bitter movie-going mind, but when a movie has a title that's literally screaming for your attention from the poster, it's doubtful such a film will be any good. However, it stars Cameron Diaz, and she's a ticket-selling machine for some reason. Why is that? Is she a witch? Why does everyone seem to have purely negative things to say about this woman while she still manages to get their asses in seats? Let's discuss this, and more, with the assistance of pictures...

I know, I know. A lot of you think Cameron's face reminds you of that female gremlin who f*cks that guy at the end of GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH, but I have to disagree. There's always been something about Mary Cameron that grabbed my attention in a good way. When she first hit the scene, I don't know if it was even possible not to think she was a knockout. Of course, as she's gotten older, the things that once made her stand out (her smile, her laugh, her sense of humor, etc.) are now the things that make her kind of annoying. Still, she sells those tickets.

If you attend my class often enough, you know how much presentation is my thing. What's the point in a hottie having junk in the trunk if you only see the front of the vehicle? Sure, Cameron's no Iggy Minaj or Nikki Azalea, but she's always been proud to use her ass as an asset, whether it be in magazines or on film. My admiration for Cameron's rump is similar to a man's fandome of Pamela Anderson's tits; it's gone through many changes over the years, but the memories will never fade. Does that make any sense? No? Let's move on...

Cameron has yet to have bared everything on the big screen, but anyone with half a brain and some curiosity probably knows what her breasts look like... and they're not bad. They're not huge, but she's been known to trick us with optical allusions and such. Sadly, as she's lost weight over the years, her chest doesn't pack as much of a punch as it used to (see THE MASK), but I'm still oddly curious to check out those 41-year-old tulips.

I would be mad at myself if I didn't cut Cameron some slack in this category. After all, she has remained in pretty great shape over the years. Trust me, I'm still scarred for life from that dressing room scene in THE SWEETEST THING (I know it was supposed to be a little disturbing, but holy hell, that changed my entire outlook on Cameron's hotness to this day). Regardless, I think about 90% worth of credit for this subject is justifiable.

For the most part, especially in the last decade, her movies would rarely be described as "excellent". But again, she sells tickets. Whatever the reason may be, she's a household name, and people seem to love her as much as they hate her. Perhaps there was a time when she even showed some promise as a great actress (VANILLA SKY, GANGS OF NEW YORK), but ever since she got that SHREK money, it's like she doesn't even see acting as an artform. Sad, maybe, but she's still selling those tickets.

Despite my somewhat bitter attitude towards Cameron as an actress, I find myself perplexed as to whether or not I dig this hottie. I certainly don't hate her with a passion, as some clearly do. On the one hand, she seems to be very fun, filled with energy, and up for just about anything set in front of her. On the other hand, she's probably just a big, fat Hollywood phony. I guess we'll never really know the real Cameron Diaz. Not until she releases an actual sex tape, anyway.

Extra Tidbit: What grade would you give to this bad teacher?

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8:18AM on 07/20/2014
Wow, very forgiving grades. No way she's a B.
Wow, very forgiving grades. No way she's a B.
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11:31PM on 07/19/2014
Never found her attractive other than in the Mask, and she can be kind of annoying personality-wise, but I was really impressed by her performance in Being John Malkovich and wish she had continued with roles of that kind.
Never found her attractive other than in the Mask, and she can be kind of annoying personality-wise, but I was really impressed by her performance in Being John Malkovich and wish she had continued with roles of that kind.
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9:31PM on 07/19/2014
Really don't get all the hate...her body is amazing! Much better than most celebs that are half her age.
Really don't get all the hate...her body is amazing! Much better than most celebs that are half her age.
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4:29PM on 07/19/2014
She looks great! Has an excellent body and a fun personality. All you haters can go be with Kim Kardashian (yuck), Niki Minaj (gross) or any other fat, talentless skanks you might find attractive.
She looks great! Has an excellent body and a fun personality. All you haters can go be with Kim Kardashian (yuck), Niki Minaj (gross) or any other fat, talentless skanks you might find attractive.
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12:18PM on 07/19/2014
Diaz is someone who I always will like and defend. I know she isn't as hot as she was in "The Mask" but I still think she has got it. Those long legs, baby blues, and sexy/playful smile does it for me. She seems she would be fun and freaky in bed
Diaz is someone who I always will like and defend. I know she isn't as hot as she was in "The Mask" but I still think she has got it. Those long legs, baby blues, and sexy/playful smile does it for me. She seems she would be fun and freaky in bed
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+0
6:10AM on 07/19/2014
She's just not that good-looking, which is pretty much a deal breaker for an actress who sells herself primarily on her looks (she otherwise demonstrates little in the way of acting talent, screen presence, or charisma).
She's just not that good-looking, which is pretty much a deal breaker for an actress who sells herself primarily on her looks (she otherwise demonstrates little in the way of acting talent, screen presence, or charisma).
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+1
12:08AM on 07/19/2014
I genuinely don't understand all the hate. Did she collectively kick all of your dogs, or something?
I genuinely don't understand all the hate. Did she collectively kick all of your dogs, or something?
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2:07AM on 07/19/2014
I had no idea she was hated like this. I'm no big huge fan but I always liked her well enough and thought she was great in the movies I saw her in. The Mask, There's Something About Mary and Charlie's Angels and maybe another one or two but nothing recent. I've never heard of her being difficult to work with or being out of control and pulling Lindsay Lohan crap or being an attention whore like Kim K, so I'm kind of baffled by the extreme hate. She's not aged that well imo, but I hope
I had no idea she was hated like this. I'm no big huge fan but I always liked her well enough and thought she was great in the movies I saw her in. The Mask, There's Something About Mary and Charlie's Angels and maybe another one or two but nothing recent. I've never heard of her being difficult to work with or being out of control and pulling Lindsay Lohan crap or being an attention whore like Kim K, so I'm kind of baffled by the extreme hate. She's not aged that well imo, but I hope that wouldn't be the reason for hate?
9:15PM on 07/18/2014
F. Plain and simple.
F. Plain and simple.
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-1
7:45PM on 07/18/2014

C- at best

Never thought she was sexy and she certainly cannot act!!
Never thought she was sexy and she certainly cannot act!!
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7:08PM on 07/18/2014
She looked amazing in The Mask, but that was the last time I found her attractive.
She looked amazing in The Mask, but that was the last time I found her attractive.
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2:33PM on 07/18/2014
Nope.
Nope.
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1:59PM on 07/18/2014
She's got Daniel Craig's face and a teenage boy's arse. Neither of these things merits a B+ on a woman unless you're using Braille to award grades.
She's got Daniel Craig's face and a teenage boy's arse. Neither of these things merits a B+ on a woman unless you're using Braille to award grades.
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1:51PM on 07/18/2014
She's terrible.
She's terrible.
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1:36PM on 07/18/2014
FACE: F
ASS: F
BOOBS: B-
FITNESS: C
CAREER: B
PERSONALITY: ?
FACE: F
ASS: F
BOOBS: B-
FITNESS: C
CAREER: B
PERSONALITY: ?
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