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Hottie Report Card: Carla Gugino

Mar. 28, 2014by: Salacious Crumb

In the comments of last week's report card, dseal22 on Movie Fan Central recommended an actress whose radiant hotness is impossible to deny, Carla Gugino. I believe I've seen her name tossed around by you schmoes before, but she hasn't had any big movie releases since the column started. That doesn't change this week by any means, but dammit, I just felt like sharing spicy images of Carla so that we can all gaze at them in simultaneous awe. It's about time.

I've never thought of Carla's face as one of features that attracts me to her. This is likely due Carla's habbit of distracting us with other parts of her anatomy, so I probably just didn't notice. At public events, Carla seems to use a significant amount of make-up, but I don't consider that cheating in her case. At the same time, there's something about Carla's mug that draws me in, as if it's calling out to me, like a siren. I suppose the term is "come-hither", but her look is seductive in a way that it seems like she's barely trying to be seductive.

Here's a subject I've paid little attention to when it comes to Gugino, but to my befuddlement, she has a nice and shapely bum. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. It just took some research to enlighten me to the beautiful bottom-half of Carla. I have an enormous deal of respect for this hottie, so I don't mean to sound crude, but I would gladly take her bottom half out for a nice, PG-rated brunch.

While I can say with certainty that she's a very curvaceous specimen in all the right ways, this is the part of Carla that had me hooked at first sight. Somehow, Carla's managed to create all sorts of different kinds of cleavage with her shapeshifting bosom, or "rack of all trades". I honestly don't think words can do them justice. They're simple spectacular.

I think the "fitness" category specifically comes in handy when the lady in question has been in the business for a long while. At 42-years-old, Carla has nothing to be ashamed of, at least as far as we can tell (she could be wearing 4 layers of Spanx). In the 20+ years she's been making us drool, she's kept her body pretty much the same, and she shows no sign of completely going Colleen Camp on our asses.

Carla hasn't been super active career-wise as of late, which is as strange as it is unfortunate. To mainstream audiences, she's basically known as the hot female love interest in films like MR. POPPER'S PENGUINS, RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN and NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM. To us, she's Elektra Luxx in ELEKTRA LUXX, Silk Spectre in THE WATCHMEN, Lucille in SIN CITY, and most importantly, Becca Warner in SON IN LAW. She's also appeared frequently on "Entourage", "Californication" and "New Girl". Sure, she's not one of Hollywood's goddesses worthy of pointless gossip, but she's a fan favorite, and a goddess nonetheless.

I know very little about Carla other than the fact that she's an actress and she's grateful for being an actress. That sort of attitude goes a long way, but I can't say I know enough about Carla to make a solid judgement in this category. That aside, holy crap, check out the cleavage in this next image!

Extra Tidbit: How would you grade Carla Gugino?

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10:21AM on 03/31/2014
The capital of MILF City!
The capital of MILF City!
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1:58AM on 03/30/2014

I give her an A

and my D.
and my D.
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5:53AM on 03/29/2014
I would prefer that I was the student and she the teacher.
I would prefer that I was the student and she the teacher.
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+0
9:25PM on 03/28/2014
Salacious, you know you graded Gugino because I said you should! ;-) (just kidding)

I say A+ ass AND she shows it off all the time which I know you appreciate! Just in Sin City alone...!!!
Salacious, you know you graded Gugino because I said you should! ;-) (just kidding)

I say A+ ass AND she shows it off all the time which I know you appreciate! Just in Sin City alone...!!!
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+0
8:09PM on 03/28/2014

Totally agree....

She is simply stunning....even after all these years. She also happens to be an outstanding actress when she's given good material to work with.
She is simply stunning....even after all these years. She also happens to be an outstanding actress when she's given good material to work with.
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7:12PM on 03/28/2014
One of the hottest women in the business if not the planet.
One of the hottest women in the business if not the planet.
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6:25PM on 03/28/2014
She's on my A-list.
She's on my A-list.
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2:57PM on 03/28/2014
Carla is absolutely stunning! I just wish she could get some good roles to show off her significant acting skills as well as her outstanding body.
Carla is absolutely stunning! I just wish she could get some good roles to show off her significant acting skills as well as her outstanding body.
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+1
1:41PM on 03/28/2014

A+++++

She gets A+ all around from me! What a beautiful and talented woman.
She gets A+ all around from me! What a beautiful and talented woman.
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+0
12:58PM on 03/28/2014

B+ For Carla's Face? Seriously?

A solid 'A' is the correct score for her face. I won't argue the rest of your scoring because she's in the range of grades you chose when she's at her worst. She deserves an 'A' for the total as well.
A solid 'A' is the correct score for her face. I won't argue the rest of your scoring because she's in the range of grades you chose when she's at her worst. She deserves an 'A' for the total as well.
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+1
12:54PM on 03/28/2014
A+ for me, she always looks amazing, one of my all time fave hotties.
A+ for me, she always looks amazing, one of my all time fave hotties.
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12:36PM on 03/28/2014
Consistently hot.
Consistently hot.
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12:01PM on 03/28/2014
A+ for me across the board.
A+ for me across the board.
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11:56AM on 03/28/2014

A+++++

For this one alone: [link]
For this one alone: [link]
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11:54AM on 03/28/2014

She was just cast as Alexandra Daddario's mother in San Andreas.

Seems fitting since they're both known for their, um, chesticular prominence.
Seems fitting since they're both known for their, um, chesticular prominence.
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