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Hottie Report Card: Charlize Theron

05.30.2014by: Salacious Crumb

Like it or not, Seth MacFarlane's A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST is hitting theaters this weekend, and it features hotties like Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and, our student for this week, Charlize Theron. Charlize once played an iconic, evil, powerful, supernatural queen that was made popular by Walt Disney, much like Angelina Jolie's role in MALEFICENT, also hitting theaters this week. Charlize passed as a "movie hottie" from the get-go, or at least ever since 2 DAYS IN THE VALLEY in 1996. But does Theron still keep up with today's hottie standards. Let's examine, shall we?

The hardest thing about putting a grade on Charlize is the fact that I know she's attractive, and I've always known she was attractive, but I don't think she's ever popped into my head when thinking of Hollywood's best-looking celebrities. But looking at her mugshot itself, of course she is! She has the face of an angel, and not the HANCOCK kind. Could putting together this report card have made me like Charlize that much more already?

Now here's something I've always admired about Theron, her charming rear-end. It may not be the biggest, but holy dear mother of lord, she knows how to make a presentation. The only thing keeping me from grading higher is the fact that I know some schmoes don't even realize an ass exists unless it's huge (and I strangely agree, somewhat). I guess we've all been desensitized by the Nikki Kardashians and Iggy Lopez types for too long. Regardless, while it may not contain much junk, Charlize has proven that her trunk is worthy or recognition.

Again, major presentation points here, with a great selection of topless moments early on in her career, as well as many see-thru photoshoots and public appearances. Frankly, I can see why Charlize isn't ashamed to show off her filthy cupcakes. They're actually quite phenomenal in the flesh, and our scientists here at MovieHotties agree that they're very well proportioned, mathematically. As far as smaller boobs go, Charlize may give Phoebe Cates a run for her money.

From the beginning, Charlize has remained in terrific shape, and she rarely ever shows even the slightest bit of change. If I ever had any stuggle finding her attractive, it was only because she can look a tad too skinny, sometimes. Just think about the difference between Aeon Flux and Lara Croft, and you should get what I mean. That said, I suppose it's a bit ridiculous to downgrade a hottie for being thin, and I wouldn't doubt the woman could throw a good punch, so I think the "A-" suits her best. Don't hurt me.

Charlize has shown a great deal of talent throughout her career in film, but it comes in waves. One year she's Aileen Wuornos from MONSTER, the next she's AEON FLUX (don't get me wrong, one of those characters is far more attractive than the other, but the movies are vastly different. It's kind of like how in 2012, Charlize gave two outstanding performances in PROMETHEUS and SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN, and now her name comes second to Seth MacFarlane's in A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST. Still, at 38-years-old, Theron has a much more steady track record and a longer career history than most 40-year-old hotties.

She's currently dating Sean Penn, so some may choose to grade Charlize in this subject differently than others. Personally, I've always found her delightful to listen to when regarding her projects. That said, there's just that part of me that wishes she would continue to take on bigger roles, and perhaps have more of an ambition behind what she's doing. Of course, we're talking about a woman who's become a household name, and she is very active in the business. Pile that on top of her smile and her desire to have fun, it just doesn't make sense to judge this student.

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7:45AM on 06/03/2014

A+

Anything less is criminal.
Anything less is criminal.
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3:49PM on 06/02/2014

Goddess

Jennifer Lawrence last week, now Charlize... Where did you find my celebrity crushes list?
Jennifer Lawrence last week, now Charlize... Where did you find my celebrity crushes list?
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11:44PM on 06/01/2014

Our generation's Marilyn Monroe.

Hollywood hottie since day one. Another great example of her ass is Cider House Rules. Best PG13 movie nude scene ever.
Hollywood hottie since day one. Another great example of her ass is Cider House Rules. Best PG13 movie nude scene ever.
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2:36PM on 06/01/2014
Charlie's always been a favorite for me.
Charlie's always been a favorite for me.
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+0
10:42PM on 05/31/2014
She's my favorite African-American.
She's my favorite African-American.
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12:02PM on 05/31/2014

Proof that big breasts don't matter

Gorgeous woman...I couldn't take my eyes off of her when I saw "A Million Ways to Die in the West". Beautiful face with piercing blue eyes.
Gorgeous woman...I couldn't take my eyes off of her when I saw "A Million Ways to Die in the West". Beautiful face with piercing blue eyes.
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10:42PM on 05/30/2014

Gorgeous, intelligent woman and a great actress: what's not to love?

That's all.
That's all.
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9:17PM on 05/30/2014
A+, total goddess. XSsoCX used just the right descriptor.
A+, total goddess. XSsoCX used just the right descriptor.
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+2
8:52PM on 05/30/2014
My personal celebrity Goddess.
My personal celebrity Goddess.
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5:15PM on 05/30/2014

She is walking sex.

That is all.
That is all.
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4:14PM on 05/30/2014
Charlize is still a gorgeous woman and has had quite a distinguished career as well. I really can't find any faults with her.
Charlize is still a gorgeous woman and has had quite a distinguished career as well. I really can't find any faults with her.
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