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Hottie Report Card: Cobie Smulders

Sep. 20, 2013by: Salacious Crumb

The response from last week's final "Report Card" for Paula Patton was as brutal as a wedding in the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, but like I always say, there's a reason I write these columns and you don't (you have my back, right, STAR TREK writer Roberto Orci?). Anyway, I figured I might as well put at least one of you schmoes at ease, and that schmoe is Move Fan Central's very own Letsgotothemall, who's consistently suggested sitcom hottie Cobie Smulders. Cobie is fitting for this week, since her show "How I Met Your Mother" is premiering its 9th and final season on Monday, September 23rd on CBS. Of course, she will also be appearing in the pilot episode of "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." on Wednesday, September 24th on ABC. Alright, I'd say that's all the introduction this gal needs. Now, onto the pictures!

Any guy would be lucky to score a woman like Cobie, and she even looks like quality girlfriend/wife material. Speaking in high school terms, she may not be the head cheerleader who makes you weak at the knees, but she could certainly pass as the girl you stare creepily at while flunking your geometry class. In other words, still better-looking than any woman I'll ever have.

Y'know, a lot of teachers have their pet peeves. For some, it's when their students don't show their work. For others, it's when their students constantly click their pens during class. For me, it's when I cannot find a single decent ass shot of a particular hottie for the life of me. It's especially frustrating when it seems as if they have nothing to hide. Cobie could very possibly be above average in this category, but until I see more than a profile shot, her butt may as well only half-exist.

At least I can give her some presentation points for this one. If you're going by size alone, Cobie's dynamic duo may not be worth risking life an limb for, but that doesn't mean they aren't precious, perky and petite all in the same package. She also seems to have gotten pretty good at fluffing them up and turning more heads at public events. You go, girl!

Some schmoes have stated in the past that Smulders filled out a black catsuit even better than the ever so curve-tacular Scarlett Johansson in last year's MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS. While I wouldn't put Cobie's figure on that high of a pedestal, I can understand why its praises are so loudly sung. If I were to add grades for "belly" and "legs", her hottie GPA would be greatly improved. Of all the Marvel-related actresses I wouldn't mind snapping my neck with their inner thighs, she's one of them. What a way to go.

Let's be honest, Cobie has achieved a hell of a lot more than I ever will in the biz (or life in general). Nine seasons on a majorly successful sitcom, plus playing a recurring character in several of the past (and future) Marvel movies? That's pretty dern'd impressive. Still, the majority of popcorn munchers still don't know this hottie by name just yet, but I would imagine that time is just around the corner.

Little as I may know about Cobie's personal life, her attitude is far from snobby when it comes to her interviews. In fact, on the contrary, she's quite the charmer. Her body language alone is like a tractor beam, in that she seems generally laid back and easy to approach. Who's to say whether or not she's hiding some Chitauri skeletons in her closet? To say the least, she easily surpasses last week's "student" in this subject for one simple reason: she isn't nailin' Robin Thicke.

Extra Tidbit: "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." is here already? Damn!

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+5
4:14PM on 09/23/2013
Breasts should never be judged on size alone. I'm much more interested in shape, placement, nipple puffiness, and how pink the nipples are. There are a lot of big boobs that are just gross. So size alone is just senseless.
Breasts should never be judged on size alone. I'm much more interested in shape, placement, nipple puffiness, and how pink the nipples are. There are a lot of big boobs that are just gross. So size alone is just senseless.
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11:08PM on 09/22/2013

Cobie Smulder's a fine-looking woman

I liked her in THE AVENGERS, and I think she has some serious potential as an actress. I'd like to see her in more roles. But I would have given her career a B, or even a B+. She's not above the marquee but she has a job with Marvel for as long as she wants it.
As others have mentioned, DON JON opens next week so ScarJo's a natural for the next HRC. I expect a bunch of A's there. ;)
I liked her in THE AVENGERS, and I think she has some serious potential as an actress. I'd like to see her in more roles. But I would have given her career a B, or even a B+. She's not above the marquee but she has a job with Marvel for as long as she wants it.
As others have mentioned, DON JON opens next week so ScarJo's a natural for the next HRC. I expect a bunch of A's there. ;)
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8:32AM on 09/22/2013
Cobie is an interesting hottie.....Her face is definitely an A but her body as a hottie is a major let down...true we havent really got a chance to see if her butt is good or bad, but judging from what little we have seen ...its probably average...her breasts arent anything to brag about , but at the same time, they fit her frame.
I definitely like her as a hottie but I would give her a B+
Cobie is an interesting hottie.....Her face is definitely an A but her body as a hottie is a major let down...true we havent really got a chance to see if her butt is good or bad, but judging from what little we have seen ...its probably average...her breasts arent anything to brag about , but at the same time, they fit her frame.
I definitely like her as a hottie but I would give her a B+
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12:14PM on 09/21/2013
If she's a B+ I don't want an A
If she's a B+ I don't want an A
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11:49AM on 09/20/2013

The bottom picture alone is worth an A!

But I think B+ overall is fair.
She looks like the kind of girl you see with a guy who is a total dick and you cry yourself to sleep thinking 'He'll never love her like I would.'
But I think B+ overall is fair.
She looks like the kind of girl you see with a guy who is a total dick and you cry yourself to sleep thinking 'He'll never love her like I would.'
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11:48AM on 09/20/2013
I think her face should be an A, but I also find her kinda bland, so A- for personality is perhaps a bit much.
I think her face should be an A, but I also find her kinda bland, so A- for personality is perhaps a bit much.
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+3
11:28AM on 09/20/2013
I agree with smacaskill. Rashida Jones is a great one to grade next! And I'm glad you're choosing some outside the box women instead of jumping right in with those that've already been graded to death!
I agree with smacaskill. Rashida Jones is a great one to grade next! And I'm glad you're choosing some outside the box women instead of jumping right in with those that've already been graded to death!
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10:52AM on 09/20/2013
Yes! My favorite girl, I love her! She's the total package.
Yes! My favorite girl, I love her! She's the total package.
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10:25AM on 09/20/2013
She's hot as hell. It's just that I hate her character on How I Met Your Mother. But other than than she's hot and a lovely actress.
She's hot as hell. It's just that I hate her character on How I Met Your Mother. But other than than she's hot and a lovely actress.
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9:22AM on 09/20/2013
I'm the same way as smacaskill.

I say, though, we do ScarJo for next week since Don Jon opens up then.
I'm the same way as smacaskill.

I say, though, we do ScarJo for next week since Don Jon opens up then.
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9:16AM on 09/20/2013
She's OK but I much prefer her costar Alyson Hannigan.

For next week how about Rashida Jones? She's one of my favorites and she's leaving Parks and Recreation halfway through this upcoming season. That makes me sad so I though it would be nice to feature her.
She's OK but I much prefer her costar Alyson Hannigan.

For next week how about Rashida Jones? She's one of my favorites and she's leaving Parks and Recreation halfway through this upcoming season. That makes me sad so I though it would be nice to feature her.
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8:47AM on 09/20/2013
Man, that photo of her in the bikini with the open jacket and the little smirk...take me! Take me now Robin!
Man, that photo of her in the bikini with the open jacket and the little smirk...take me! Take me now Robin!
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7:46AM on 09/20/2013
Wouldn't care if she failed, I still want her BAD! One of my top fantasies ever is her "restraining" me in her Avengers uniform.
Wouldn't care if she failed, I still want her BAD! One of my top fantasies ever is her "restraining" me in her Avengers uniform.
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