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Hottie Report Card: Emilia Clarke

Jun. 13, 2014by: Salacious Crumb

Those of you who appreciate the impeccable combination of blood and boobs on television are probably down in the dumps about the season finale of GAME OF THRONES this Sunday, June 15h, 2014. Some fans have expressed a little grief over the fact that the show has squeezed so much of the story into 10 episodes, while others probably just can't wait to see who will be violently murdered in this weekend's finale. As someone who has hardly seen an episode of the series, those fans may not deem me worthy of stating any sort of comment about it whatsoever. So, instead of pretending to have something to say about THRONES that isn't mindless gibberish, let's just direct our attention to the program's primary source of eye-candy (or at least second to Peter Dinklage), Emilia Clarke!

Call me crazy, as most of you already (perhaps rightfully) have, but I didn't get what all the fuss was about when Emilia first came on the scene. She sort of resembled a grown up, English Miley Cyrus, and I thought there were plenty of other rising babes to be celebrated and praised in the world of television, or even just HBO at the time. Then I saw her naked... Now I'm a believer. And aside from her willingness to "drop trou" faster than a severed head, I've seen enough to be on board the bandwagon of dedicated followers who want to see Emilia in more motion pictures.

I'm aware that this subject is of great importance to most of our schmoes, but in all honesty, I just don't have much to say about it in regards to Emilia. Sure, her backside is nice, but it's in no way one of her stand-out features. And even though we've gotten more than we could grasp of Emilia's naked rear-end, I still feel as though she needs some work on her presentation skills. That said, it's not big enough of an issue to effect her overall grade.

Believe it, or don't believe it, but there's a lot that goes into analyzing my student bodies, especially when it comes to this department. On the one hand, if the student is obviously well-endowed, it isn't very hard to determine whether or not they'd be fun to snuggle with John & Yoko style. On the other, if a student is less top-heavy but still knows how to flaunt what she's got, that's a major turn-on, as well. One thing I will not tolerate as a professor, however, is shyness. I don't need to tell you that Clarke is many things, but shy isn't one of them. And on top of all that, her little Emilias in the flesh are straight-up heavenly.

I get what the casting directors are trying to do when it comes to selecting naked ladies to be featured on THRONES, hiring girls with more au naturale body types over practically flawless supermodels who've spent half their lives at the gym. It's a smart way to go on their part, but of course, this means Emilia has one of those body types, as well. Luckily for her, I dig that kind of thing, but every schmoe has his/her different tastes. Personally, she gets 3 thumbs up from this professor.

It goes without saying, GAME OF THRONES has done wonders for Emilia as an actress over the past four years. She got started with a couple made-for-tv-movie gigs, and soon enough, we'll be seeing even more of her face once TERMINATOR: GENESIS comes around, in which she will be playing Sarah Connor. Of course, she's still got a ways to go before general movie fans quit viewing her as the silver-headed Daenerys Targaryen, but I'd imagine Emilia will be on the fast track to superstardom once her career in film takes off.

Before I put Clarke to the test, I knew virtually nothing about her, so I had to do some research. If the info I'm picking up is correct, Emilia's a very intelligent woman. Not only can she sing, play piano, flute and guitar, but she's also fluent in French. She sometimes labels herself as a bit of an outcast, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The dumbest moment you could say Emilia's had is when she (supposedly) dated Seth MacFarlane, the man who's almost single-handedly destroying the artform of comedy. That aside, I have faith that Clarke's charm will turn non-believers around before you know it.

Extra Tidbit: What did you think of this latest season of GAME OF THRONES?

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+1
2:39PM on 06/16/2014

A+ for me

Just my personal preference. I hope Clarke makes a badass Sarah Conner, but she's already proved she can play a badass on Game of Thrones so I'm not too fearful.
Just my personal preference. I hope Clarke makes a badass Sarah Conner, but she's already proved she can play a badass on Game of Thrones so I'm not too fearful.
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1:03AM on 06/16/2014
Emilia is hot... I guess. Never seen Game of Thornes, never will.
Emilia is hot... I guess. Never seen Game of Thornes, never will.
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3:20PM on 06/14/2014

Smokin' Hot

Emilia Clarke is my favorite type of actress: talented enough to be believable in different movie roles, visually appealing, and is willing to show her goodies, while she has them. She does have two "minuses" though. One, when she smiles too broadly she looks like one of Charlie Chaplain's toothy daughters. And, yes, the aforementioned dating of Seth MacFarlene suggests very bad taste in men--which makes an attractive woman less so (Are you listening Nina Agdal?)
Emilia Clarke is my favorite type of actress: talented enough to be believable in different movie roles, visually appealing, and is willing to show her goodies, while she has them. She does have two "minuses" though. One, when she smiles too broadly she looks like one of Charlie Chaplain's toothy daughters. And, yes, the aforementioned dating of Seth MacFarlene suggests very bad taste in men--which makes an attractive woman less so (Are you listening Nina Agdal?)
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+2
3:14AM on 06/14/2014

I really don't know

How you measure these things, it's really subjective. I prefer Emilia rather than say Kate Upton, who looks like a Barbie Doll.

How you measure these things, it's really subjective. I prefer Emilia rather than say Kate Upton, who looks like a Barbie Doll.

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11:15PM on 06/13/2014

Sexy

She's cute and sexy.
And her british accent is simply gorgeous.
She's cute and sexy.
And her british accent is simply gorgeous.
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+0
11:09PM on 06/13/2014

Face : A+

Beautiful woman. I think people should start voting with their eyes and not their [link] attitude.
Beautiful woman. I think people should start voting with their eyes and not their [link] attitude.
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10:40PM on 06/13/2014
Emilia is beautiful woman no matter what letsgotothemall says.
Emilia is beautiful woman no matter what letsgotothemall says.
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+0
9:09PM on 06/13/2014

A all the way

yep!!!
yep!!!
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6:55PM on 06/13/2014
She's a C at best. Not pretty and her acting is shit. And that last photo isn't even her.
She's a C at best. Not pretty and her acting is shit. And that last photo isn't even her.
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10:38PM on 06/13/2014
You know what's not pretty and looks like shit? You're attitude towards women. I swear everytime I see a comment from you, you're just trash talking the post.
You know what's not pretty and looks like shit? You're attitude towards women. I swear everytime I see a comment from you, you're just trash talking the post.
10:38PM on 06/13/2014
You know what's not pretty and looks like shit? You're attitude towards women. I swear everytime I see a comment from you, you're just trash talking the post.
You know what's not pretty and looks like shit? You're attitude towards women. I swear everytime I see a comment from you, you're just trash talking the post.
3:54PM on 06/13/2014

?

Who the f*ck is in that last picture? That does not look like Emila Clarke AT ALL.
Who the f*ck is in that last picture? That does not look like Emila Clarke AT ALL.
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3:46PM on 06/13/2014

She makes me hard.

I'm talking about my penis.
I'm talking about my penis.
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3:33PM on 06/13/2014
Em gets A's across the board from me.
Em gets A's across the board from me.
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2:13PM on 06/13/2014
"As" across the board in my world.
"As" across the board in my world.
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+0
1:33PM on 06/13/2014

Adorable

I think she's gorgeous both brunette and even with the blonde wig. Although we don't get to see her smile much on GoT, we do on talk shows and she's got the most beautiful infectious smile. She's fun and cute and I'd definitely give her an A+ personality. Her figure is perfect for GoT, as of course those women aren't working out, but I also think she's got a beautiful, natural, very feminine figure for any time period.
I think she's gorgeous both brunette and even with the blonde wig. Although we don't get to see her smile much on GoT, we do on talk shows and she's got the most beautiful infectious smile. She's fun and cute and I'd definitely give her an A+ personality. Her figure is perfect for GoT, as of course those women aren't working out, but I also think she's got a beautiful, natural, very feminine figure for any time period.
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-1
1:16PM on 06/13/2014

She's okay.....

I actually like her more in GoT than in real life. Her character's arc made the nudity more appealing. I remember the first time I saw her ass as she was climbing in a tub and it was less than impressive. I wouldn't give it a 'B' (and her breasts are small, even for her thin frame). She's probably a woman who shouldn't be in a column like this because it's not fair to someone who you'd be thrilled to date in real life, but doesn't really stand out compared to the preternatural hotties in
I actually like her more in GoT than in real life. Her character's arc made the nudity more appealing. I remember the first time I saw her ass as she was climbing in a tub and it was less than impressive. I wouldn't give it a 'B' (and her breasts are small, even for her thin frame). She's probably a woman who shouldn't be in a column like this because it's not fair to someone who you'd be thrilled to date in real life, but doesn't really stand out compared to the preternatural hotties in movies.
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1:02PM on 06/13/2014

Sexy. Very Sexy.

She is just plain and simple a sexy ass chick. Natural hair, the white wig in GOT, doesn't matter. She looks short is the only drawback but wouldn't stop me from cutting my left arm off to have a shot. She is in my top 10 without a doubt.
She is just plain and simple a sexy ass chick. Natural hair, the white wig in GOT, doesn't matter. She looks short is the only drawback but wouldn't stop me from cutting my left arm off to have a shot. She is in my top 10 without a doubt.
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12:48PM on 06/13/2014
I think I agree somewhat with this grade, but Emilia has been one of my new favorite hotties every since I first saw her on Game of Thrones, so my grade for her would be a bit better. I think her face is one of the best things about her, she has a heart warming smile, and her eyes are insanely gorgeous, so I would give her face an A. Also, I think Emilia has one killer body, especially considering how short she is. So with that said, I would give her ass a B+ for sure, it's no Candice Swanepoel
I think I agree somewhat with this grade, but Emilia has been one of my new favorite hotties every since I first saw her on Game of Thrones, so my grade for her would be a bit better. I think her face is one of the best things about her, she has a heart warming smile, and her eyes are insanely gorgeous, so I would give her face an A. Also, I think Emilia has one killer body, especially considering how short she is. So with that said, I would give her ass a B+ for sure, it's no Candice Swanepoel ass, but it is definitely very nice nonetheless in my opinion. I am also someone that likes smaller boobs, so Emilia's boobs are pretty close to perfect in my opinion, not to mention she has great nipples, and I personally feel like that is a very important factor when grading boobs. So I too would give her boobs an A. As for the rest of her grade, I think it is spot on. She is fit, but not Victoria's Secret model fit or anything, so an A- is accurate if you ask me. Getting a B for career also sound right. As for her personality, I am assuming the only reason she didn't get an A+ there is because she dated Seth MacFarlane, and while I also did not like that, I think that is a knock against her judgement, but not necessarily her personality, so I don't think I can take that as reason enough to give her less than an A+ in personality, because literally everything else about her personality is absolutely wonderful and lovely. It's like even with that she is still an A+ in personality because her personality is just that good. If that makes sense.
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+0
12:10PM on 06/13/2014

I'm sorry, but how do you calculate?

The two Bs and the two A-s cancel each other out. That would leave the A and B+, and the average would be an A-, not a B+.

Oh, and yeah. Emilia's hot!
The two Bs and the two A-s cancel each other out. That would leave the A and B+, and the average would be an A-, not a B+.

Oh, and yeah. Emilia's hot!
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2:09PM on 06/13/2014
Two Bs and two A-s become four B+s. I don't see why you think they cancel each other out. That makes no sense. The A and B+ become two A-s. Four B+s vs. two A-s. Since the majority is B+, that's the final grade.
Two Bs and two A-s become four B+s. I don't see why you think they cancel each other out. That makes no sense. The A and B+ become two A-s. Four B+s vs. two A-s. Since the majority is B+, that's the final grade.
4:35PM on 06/13/2014
Let's use the number equivalents: A is 96, A- is 92, B+ is 88 and B is 84. The rule when calculating an average is that every pair of equal numbers can be removed from the equation. Therefore, the two 84 and the two 92 cancel each other out. That would leave 96 and 88. 96+88=184. 184/2=92. Again, 92 is A-.
Let's use the number equivalents: A is 96, A- is 92, B+ is 88 and B is 84. The rule when calculating an average is that every pair of equal numbers can be removed from the equation. Therefore, the two 84 and the two 92 cancel each other out. That would leave 96 and 88. 96+88=184. 184/2=92. Again, 92 is A-.
8:18PM on 06/13/2014
Every pair of equal numbers cancelling each other out when calculating averages is ridiculous. You include every number in calculating an average. Every math professor would fail you for doing what you just did. An average is the sum of all numeric data points divided by the number of data points. You never exclude two data points because they're equal.

So let's include those extra number equivalents. 92+92+84+84+96+88=536. 536/6=89.3=B+.
Every pair of equal numbers cancelling each other out when calculating averages is ridiculous. You include every number in calculating an average. Every math professor would fail you for doing what you just did. An average is the sum of all numeric data points divided by the number of data points. You never exclude two data points because they're equal.

So let's include those extra number equivalents. 92+92+84+84+96+88=536. 536/6=89.3=B+.
3:30PM on 06/14/2014
Oh darn. I missed the hottie math test.
Oh darn. I missed the hottie math test.
11:52AM on 06/13/2014
Always love her smile. A for me.
Always love her smile. A for me.
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11:06AM on 06/13/2014
She's hot, she's cute and that voice just makes me melt. She's one of my fantasy picks for Lara Croft should that Tomb Raider movie reboot finally get off the ground (in addition to Caitlin Stasey, Kaya Scodelario and Camilla Luddington).
She's hot, she's cute and that voice just makes me melt. She's one of my fantasy picks for Lara Croft should that Tomb Raider movie reboot finally get off the ground (in addition to Caitlin Stasey, Kaya Scodelario and Camilla Luddington).
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11:02AM on 06/13/2014
She's the perfect little package. Gorgeous and sexy as hell. A's all across the board from me.
She's the perfect little package. Gorgeous and sexy as hell. A's all across the board from me.
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