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Hottie Report Card: Emily Browning

Feb. 21, 2014by: Salacious Crumb

Even with all the Legos and cyborg police officers still making noise in theaters, surely there are some Paul W.S. Anderson fans out there who will be checking out his new film POMPEII this weekend. While it's not the director's usual schtick of filming his wife Milla Jovovich flipping around in tight outfits from various angles, it does feature Australian actress Emily Browning, who just might make you erupt like a volcano (too soon?). So let us dissect this hottie in full detail to help us decide if she's worth risking your measly $12 to watch a whole civilization of people go up in flames. 'Cause otherwise, that would be boring, right?

Well, if you're in need of cheekbones, Emily's got plenty to spare. I feel a bit torn, because on the one hand, she looks like a blend between Gemma Arterton and Jennifer Lawrence. On the other hand, while Emily's beautiful, she doesn't even touch either of those two. I remember being pretty heartbroken when they swapped Evan Rachel Wood out with Emily as the lead in SUCKER PUNCH, but once I saw the movie, there were plenty of other things to complain about.

I probably would've put Emily's backyard on a higher scale if images it weren't so difficult to find. It's probably one of her best features, though that's not to say she knocks Maria Menounos or Jessica Biel out of the park when it comes to this territory. I suppose one word which best describes the feeling when viewing Emily's bare bottom is "pleasant".

If you want to feel like a creeper for the rest of your life, check out the Aussie drama SLEEPING BEAUTY, in which you can spot Emily's boobies in all their glory, as well as other things. While I think it was bold of her to take on the role, I don't have much of an opinion when it comes to this part of Emily's anatomy. Again, she has a "pleasant" pair.

Emily has a figure sketch artists would probably fall in love with. Her pale skin and lack of muscle tone actually seem to work for her, rather than against her. Sure, she may not be packing as much T&A as others, but her body itself remains beautifully feminine, in a classic way, like she was painted by Michelangelo (the artist, not the turtle with nunchucks).

As a childhood actress who could've called it quits after LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, Emily has plenty of reason to be proud of herself. So what if the only other recognizable titles on her resume are THE UNINVITED, DARKNESS FALLS and SUCKER PUNCH? Truly, the few times I've seen her act, she was far from terrible. So here's hoping POMPEII isn't as big a disaster in the box office as it was on Earth.

Despite my initial certainty that dirt on Emily would be very easy to dig up, my hands are perfectly clean. She used to date actor Max Iron (THE HOST), who was more than a full foot taller than her, which bugged me only slightly, but they broke up anyway. Like many Aussie hotties before her, Emily seems like a really fun gal, and lately she seems to be taking on her career with a real go-getter attitude. This gives us hope that Emily has only just begun to spread her wings.

Extra Tidbit: What overall grade would you give Emily?

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+2
1:05PM on 02/24/2014
She's a B+ for me, maybe even an A -. She's beautiful and pretty talented too, I'm looking forward to seeing her in more stuff in the future.
She's a B+ for me, maybe even an A -. She's beautiful and pretty talented too, I'm looking forward to seeing her in more stuff in the future.
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2:03AM on 02/24/2014
I think she's crazy-beautiful. There's something very enchanting and mesmerising about the way she looks and acts. Like if she played a seductive siren in a movie, it would fit perfectly.
I think she's crazy-beautiful. There's something very enchanting and mesmerising about the way she looks and acts. Like if she played a seductive siren in a movie, it would fit perfectly.
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12:56PM on 02/22/2014
There is a site I visit where guys comments are all boobs related. The site show a gallery of pictures of different women, some that women submit of themselves, and plenty of times the guys think the HOTTEST woman on the list is the picture of just her body, big boobs and no face. It's lame.
I get that people love boobs, but in Emily's case, small boobs doesn't take away that she is attractive. Maybe not the HOTness people want, but certainly doesn't need to lose so much just because she is
There is a site I visit where guys comments are all boobs related. The site show a gallery of pictures of different women, some that women submit of themselves, and plenty of times the guys think the HOTTEST woman on the list is the picture of just her body, big boobs and no face. It's lame.
I get that people love boobs, but in Emily's case, small boobs doesn't take away that she is attractive. Maybe not the HOTness people want, but certainly doesn't need to lose so much just because she is not as endowed in the chest area.
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6:25AM on 02/22/2014
It is ridiculous how big boobs always somehow mean a higher grade, and small boobs are always a lower one. That's not what it should just be about, proportions should definitely factor into things. You know, how well that specific area of the body goes with the rest of the body. You wouldn't give some stick thin girl with gigantic fake boobs a good grade, just because her boobs were huge would you? Well shit, knowing the caveman kind of thinking on this site, maybe you would, but anyone with
It is ridiculous how big boobs always somehow mean a higher grade, and small boobs are always a lower one. That's not what it should just be about, proportions should definitely factor into things. You know, how well that specific area of the body goes with the rest of the body. You wouldn't give some stick thin girl with gigantic fake boobs a good grade, just because her boobs were huge would you? Well shit, knowing the caveman kind of thinking on this site, maybe you would, but anyone with higher reasoning would think that looks jarring and unattractive. Many woman on here get criticized, or given a lower grade for having smaller boobs, despite the fact that their boobs go perfectly with the rest of their bodies. A little disproportionality can sometimes be a good thing, like when a woman's butt is slightly big in proportion to the rest of her body. Another example would be Emily Ratajkowski, her boobs are slightly big in proportion to the rest of her body, and that is part of why she is so hot, because a skinny and somewhat petite woman like her rarely has natural boobs her size. However, while being somewhat disproportionate can often be a good thing when it comes to a woman's boobs and butt, being completely proportionate is very rarely a bad thing. Like symmetry, proportionality defines beauty.

This would be my grade for Emily
Face A-
Ass A
Boobs A
Fitness A-
Career C+
Personality B+
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-5
8:49PM on 02/21/2014

A- Face????

It's a "B" at best. She's moderately good-looking for a Hollywood actress. The rest I agree with (although I think the ass grade was high because she just doesn't have a body so it becomes her best feature by default). She's a "B-" at best, although that still qualifies her as hot (especially when you factor in the excessive amount of nudity she's done up to now).
It's a "B" at best. She's moderately good-looking for a Hollywood actress. The rest I agree with (although I think the ass grade was high because she just doesn't have a body so it becomes her best feature by default). She's a "B-" at best, although that still qualifies her as hot (especially when you factor in the excessive amount of nudity she's done up to now).
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-1
5:55PM on 02/21/2014

Max Iron?

Come on guy, if you're gonna pick a stage name for yourself, at least make it semi-believable.

And oh yeah, Emily is sorta cute, though I wouldn't put her on my short list.
Come on guy, if you're gonna pick a stage name for yourself, at least make it semi-believable.

And oh yeah, Emily is sorta cute, though I wouldn't put her on my short list.
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12:42AM on 02/22/2014
His name is actually "Max Irons", and he is the son of Jeremy Irons.
His name is actually "Max Irons", and he is the son of Jeremy Irons.
4:06PM on 02/21/2014
easily A+ This girl is gorgeous, with a porcelain beauty that not a lot of women have, boobs & ass don't have to be big to be an A
easily A+ This girl is gorgeous, with a porcelain beauty that not a lot of women have, boobs & ass don't have to be big to be an A
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1:46PM on 02/21/2014

This whole column is horrible, and I am not some sensitive douche!!

This whole column is horrible, and I am not some sensitive douche!! You want to grade hotties? Fine, but don't go and say how some girl can't touch another's hotness, this whole article is putting this poor girl down. Her career, her ass, she is pretty enough even for dudes with the highest standards, she may not be your type, and her career is still in its infancy, but to give any girl a grade worst than a B, is just dick, and who the fuck are you to even comment?
This whole column is horrible, and I am not some sensitive douche!! You want to grade hotties? Fine, but don't go and say how some girl can't touch another's hotness, this whole article is putting this poor girl down. Her career, her ass, she is pretty enough even for dudes with the highest standards, she may not be your type, and her career is still in its infancy, but to give any girl a grade worst than a B, is just dick, and who the fuck are you to even comment?
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5:19PM on 02/21/2014
Relax, good sir. I'm pretty sure Emily is too cool to give two shits about what I have to say about her various body parts, or at least I would hope. The whole point of this column is to get you, the readers, in on it and state your piece. If you disagree, please, by all means state your opinion, but keep in mind that's exactly what I'm doing with this column.
Relax, good sir. I'm pretty sure Emily is too cool to give two shits about what I have to say about her various body parts, or at least I would hope. The whole point of this column is to get you, the readers, in on it and state your piece. If you disagree, please, by all means state your opinion, but keep in mind that's exactly what I'm doing with this column.
12:02PM on 02/21/2014

Love her

Very unique looking and find her effortlessly sexy. Plush is a good movie to see her sexy as well. Unlike lots of young actors, she doesn't have a problem getting naked frequently (always a plus).
Very unique looking and find her effortlessly sexy. Plush is a good movie to see her sexy as well. Unlike lots of young actors, she doesn't have a problem getting naked frequently (always a plus).
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11:26AM on 02/21/2014
When she was a child actor I always thought she was strange looking. But as she has got older she seems to have grown into her looks. A very attractive young woman who posses's a quiet, yet mysterious quality. I DIG HER.
When she was a child actor I always thought she was strange looking. But as she has got older she seems to have grown into her looks. A very attractive young woman who posses's a quiet, yet mysterious quality. I DIG HER.
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+4
11:26AM on 02/21/2014
A+ all the way for me!
A+ all the way for me!
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10:42AM on 02/21/2014

I agree with this.

Although she's 1000 times pretty than Lawrence.
Although she's 1000 times pretty than Lawrence.
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9:18AM on 02/21/2014
She gets straight A's from me. I love her to death. Hopefully she starts getting some bigger and better roles.
She gets straight A's from me. I love her to death. Hopefully she starts getting some bigger and better roles.
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9:04AM on 02/21/2014
The vibe she gives off can be otherworldly, ethereal and almost fairy-like sometimes but stiff and mannequin-esque at others.
The vibe she gives off can be otherworldly, ethereal and almost fairy-like sometimes but stiff and mannequin-esque at others.
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