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Hottie Report Card: Gemma Arterton

Oct. 4, 2013by: Salacious Crumb

Mornin', kiddos! RUNNER, RUNNER finally comes out today, and thanks to a few of the consistent schmoes on Movie Fan Central, this apparently means we must dedicate this next "report card" to uber-hottie Gemma Arterton. Not that I'm complaining. Hell, if I were really mentoring a classroom full of hotties, Gemma would probably be hated by everyone in class. She'd basically be the "teacher's pet", if you will, who leaves a fresh red apple on my desk everyday. Only in this case, the red apple is her blazing hotness and the desk is my dirty mind. Needless to say, you're all about to endure in what is likely the most biast "Hottie Repport Card" yet. So, as usual, feel free to leave your own personal grades for Ms. Arterton in the "drool back" section. And now, of course, on with the pics!

Gemma's mug has got all my requirements for a hottie. From the silky, flavorful brown hair, to the pouty lips, to the freckles splashed gently onto her nose. On top of it all, her face is unique, and beautiful at the same time. Remember the first time you saw a sun set? That's Gemma's face.

As tempted as I was to stamp an A+ onto Gemma's bum, I realize I've often been harsh on other celebrities when it comes to this subject. There may be some more shapely, curvy backsides out there, but I have no complaints about Arterton's arse. If you're not so convinced yourself, let me offer you a look at this GIF from TAMARA DREWE for speculation.

Anyone who's been delighted enough to witness Arterton's sex scene in THREE AND OUT knows her jubblies are even more impressive when frolicking through the open air. Not to mention, they often fill out all of her formal outfits, as well as her film wardrobe very nicely. There's really no reason necessary to defend Gemma when it comes to this subject. We all know how splendid her teacups are. But here's a picture, anyway, for scientific purposes.

I feel especially confident giving Gemma Arterton an "A" in the fitness category, simply for all the shit she took a few years back, when assclowns on the internet kept calling her "fat". Not only was that never the case, but now Gemma is in top shape, and could legally go door-to-door kicking all of those assclowns' asses, or taking the vigilante approach with a crossbow (you know, now that the government is shut down and all).

Gemma has been lucky enough to land some high-profile roles, all within the past 5 years. QUANTUM OF SOLACE, PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME and CLASH OF THE TITANS all made a combined effort to make us aware of Gemma's beauty, and on top of that, she's actually got some talent! By the way, if you're looking for something new to watch this Halloween, you could do worse than either BYZANTIUM or HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS.

There's just so much to adore about this woman, it's ridiculous (and like I said, unfair to the rest of the class). One thing there is to admire about Gemma, is she has come a long way from her roots. "My mother, she had a very good attitude toward money. I'm very grateful for the fact that we had to learn to save. I used to get like 50 pence a week, and I'd save it for like five months. And then I'd spend it on Christmas presents. I'd save up like eight pounds. It's nothing, but we did that."

Extra Tidbit: Which MACHETE KILLS hottie should we do next week?

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+1
9:25AM on 10/07/2013

Couldn't agree more.

Even with some starring roles in movies with a budget behind them I don't know many people who would think of Gemma if I said name some stunning actresses. Even if I gave them 20 picks. So i'm glad to see some people can appreciate just how drop dead gorgeous she is. High fives all around.
Even with some starring roles in movies with a budget behind them I don't know many people who would think of Gemma if I said name some stunning actresses. Even if I gave them 20 picks. So i'm glad to see some people can appreciate just how drop dead gorgeous she is. High fives all around.
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2:25AM on 10/05/2013

This grade has my approval

Indeed...indeed
Indeed...indeed
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+13
6:15PM on 10/04/2013
Gemma long ago bypassed report cards and earned herself a masters degree from Hotness University, where she graduated mega cum loudly.
Gemma long ago bypassed report cards and earned herself a masters degree from Hotness University, where she graduated mega cum loudly.
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3:47PM on 10/04/2013

She's damn sexy !!

Love her performance in DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED.

PS - Do Amber Heard next time !
Love her performance in DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED.

PS - Do Amber Heard next time !
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3:00PM on 10/04/2013
Gemma was already hot back when she did St. Trinians.
Gemma was already hot back when she did St. Trinians.
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+15
12:50PM on 10/04/2013
One of the few actresses I would call stunning right now. Even her voice is like honey and chocolate.
One of the few actresses I would call stunning right now. Even her voice is like honey and chocolate.
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11:21AM on 10/04/2013
She is the perfect example of what a woman should be. Absolutely gorgeous and beautiful.
She is the perfect example of what a woman should be. Absolutely gorgeous and beautiful.
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10:50AM on 10/04/2013
A+ all round.
A+ all round.
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10:34AM on 10/04/2013

Gemma is the perfect woman.

You should do Amber or Michelle next week!
You should do Amber or Michelle next week!
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+7
10:24AM on 10/04/2013

Hell Yes!

Easy top 3 for me. Sexy as hell in the sometimes awkward to watch DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED.
Easy top 3 for me. Sexy as hell in the sometimes awkward to watch DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED.
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9:21AM on 10/04/2013

A goddess

This woman is unreal. In Prince of Persia and Clash of the Titans she's downright mesmerizing. Her face is unbelievable on the big screen. Can you imagine looking at that face up close in real life, I would possibly pass out.
This woman is unreal. In Prince of Persia and Clash of the Titans she's downright mesmerizing. Her face is unbelievable on the big screen. Can you imagine looking at that face up close in real life, I would possibly pass out.
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8:35AM on 10/04/2013

A true hottie and a real sweetie as well

I agree with those scores. I might have even given her an 'A+' for personality.

MACHETE hottie?: damn, too many to choose just one! I'm cool with Amber Heard, Alexa Vega, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara . . .
I agree with those scores. I might have even given her an 'A+' for personality.

MACHETE hottie?: damn, too many to choose just one! I'm cool with Amber Heard, Alexa Vega, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara . . .
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8:12AM on 10/04/2013
Curves to die for, a hypnotic gaze and one of the sweetest smiles of any actress.

Also, "I bet your thighs make great earmuffs" totally has to be an awkward pickup line in a sex comedy somewhere.
Curves to die for, a hypnotic gaze and one of the sweetest smiles of any actress.

Also, "I bet your thighs make great earmuffs" totally has to be an awkward pickup line in a sex comedy somewhere.
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+10
7:59AM on 10/04/2013

I have been waiting for this one!

Above all the qualities she has and that are mentioned in this article the one I love is how she is CURVY and BUILT like a real women. She has amazing hips as you can see in the GIF at the end. She is just so beautiful. 10/10 for me
Above all the qualities she has and that are mentioned in this article the one I love is how she is CURVY and BUILT like a real women. She has amazing hips as you can see in the GIF at the end. She is just so beautiful. 10/10 for me
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7:56AM on 10/04/2013
A indeed. High A like 99.

As for that tidbit, Alexa Vega.
A indeed. High A like 99.

As for that tidbit, Alexa Vega.
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7:47AM on 10/04/2013
Wouldn't expect anything less, talented and sexy as all hell, here's to more of her in the future.

For next week I was going to suggest Lacey Chabert until I saw the extra tidbit (keep Lacey on the backburner for now) so I'll say Amber Heard, she's drop dead gorgeous and still has a cool personality and varied career to make her interesting.
Wouldn't expect anything less, talented and sexy as all hell, here's to more of her in the future.

For next week I was going to suggest Lacey Chabert until I saw the extra tidbit (keep Lacey on the backburner for now) so I'll say Amber Heard, she's drop dead gorgeous and still has a cool personality and varied career to make her interesting.
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7:33AM on 10/04/2013
A+ for me. Hot and cute. Swoon.
A+ for me. Hot and cute. Swoon.
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7:12AM on 10/04/2013

Goddamn right she's an A

I would not expect any less.
I would not expect any less.
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