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Hottie Report Card: Jaimie Alexander

Nov. 8, 2013by: Salacious Crumb

So, Jaimie Alexander. That's the THOR 2 hottie you want to see get graded this week, huh? Not Natalie Portman or Kat Dennings? Well, I suppose going with the lesser-known babe would be the more "hip" thing to do, plus there have been some rumors lately that Jaimie may take on the metallic bosoms of Wonder Woman in a feature film. Currently, she can be seen in theaters as another nicely drawn comic-book character, Sif, in THOR: THE DARK WORLD. Will her otherworldly hotness powers be enough to grant her a decent grade? Obviously yes, but let's look at some pictures just to be sure…

Honestly, as much as I really do love me some Portman, and hardly ever pass up a serving of Dennings, Jaimie may have them both beat in this particular subject.  Her noggin blends in seamlessly with a world of statuesque, godlike beings. And dagnabbit, I really dig that little bump on her cheek.

'm a fan of the this fantastical fangirl's fanny. It was quite the pupil-pleaser in Jaimie's Esquire magazine photoshoot.  Although, I didn't think there was all that much to refer to until she made her recent appearance at the THOR: THE DARK WORLD premiere. Some may have seen this outfit as a shameless plea for attention. I just took it as an opportunity to get a mental grasp on Jaimie's efforts in this subject. And dagnabbit, I really dig that bump on her cheek. 

I have nothing against Sif's tits. Really, it's just silly to put a grade on boobs in general, it's like grading free pizza. Jaimie's kumquats just don't catch my attention quite as much as other aspects that make her attractive. In fact, she could blame her deeply engaging face for stealing all of the attention away from what's a foot below.

To give her anything less than an 'A' would just destroy my stone-solid credibility as a Professor. While it's mostly covered up by armor in the THOR movies,  Jaimie has brought her shapely torso to our attention on multiple occasions. Let's just hope she brings some of that talent to the big screen one of these years. With that tight figure and that intimidatingly hot face, you can see why Alexander's name is being tossed around the net with "Wonder Woman".

In 2006, Jaimie became noticed as a hottie in the TV series "Kyle XY", a horrifying series about an Abercrombie & Fitch model whose bellybutton goes missing. Of course, she appeared in THOR in 2011, and earlier this year in phase 2 of Arnold Schwarzenegger's geriatric action film comeback, THE LAST STAND. Right now, signs seem to be pointing her career in a good direction, but so far, they amount to nothing more than pies in the sky. Maybe in a couple years, I'll be rewarding Jaimie with a better grade in this subject with my tail hanging flaccidly between my legs. You know what I mean.

After seeing the way she flaunted her self in that premiere outfit, making Thor drop his hammer on his toes, I was kind of expecting Jaimie to not have the most charming personality, but I've come to find that's not the case. Not only does Jaimie know how to keep up an interesting conversation, she's also outspoken comic-book nerd. I know, it's hard to tell these days if hotties in comic-book movies are being 100% honest about their "nerd culture" knowledge, but she often talks in detail about Marvel characters I've never even heard of. It's actually quite intimidating. If her sexy geek side is nothing more than a ploy to get us nerds more into Jaimie, well, she's certainly done her homework.

Extra Tidbit: How do you score Ms. Alexander?

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9:24PM on 11/10/2013
Not liking that mole under her right eye either.
Not liking that mole under her right eye either.
Your Reply:



2:12PM on 11/10/2013

A-

I just had a night and morning of non-stop sex with a beautiful woman and I'm STILL jealous of whoever gets to go home with Jaimie Alexander.
I just had a night and morning of non-stop sex with a beautiful woman and I'm STILL jealous of whoever gets to go home with Jaimie Alexander.
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6:26PM on 11/08/2013
Dat dress.
Dat dress.
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5:57PM on 11/08/2013
This is how I grade people in this column: If this girl came up to me in a bar and said, "Let's hang out", how long would it take for me to get the stupid look off of my face, pinch myself to make sure it was real, and then use my big boy words to say hell yes. Jaimie Alexander = 0.08 seconds. In real life, it would never happen, but if it DID... I don't think any of us would be going, "Awe gee sorry Jaimie but your ass is a little too flat for me". I know that's completely not the point of the
This is how I grade people in this column: If this girl came up to me in a bar and said, "Let's hang out", how long would it take for me to get the stupid look off of my face, pinch myself to make sure it was real, and then use my big boy words to say hell yes. Jaimie Alexander = 0.08 seconds. In real life, it would never happen, but if it DID... I don't think any of us would be going, "Awe gee sorry Jaimie but your ass is a little too flat for me". I know that's completely not the point of the column (I love this column), but just sayin'.
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7:00PM on 11/09/2013
That gave me a good chuckle. "How long would it take for me to go from cool cucumber to full retard". I think .08 is still giving her too much time, I'd prolly just up and blow a fuse.
That gave me a good chuckle. "How long would it take for me to go from cool cucumber to full retard". I think .08 is still giving her too much time, I'd prolly just up and blow a fuse.
2:26PM on 11/08/2013
Meh. Don't get the massive appeal she has garnered. I'm not saying she's ugly. Far from it. She just doesn't do a thing for me. And really? An A for her butt? It's pretty darn flat.
Meh. Don't get the massive appeal she has garnered. I'm not saying she's ugly. Far from it. She just doesn't do a thing for me. And really? An A for her butt? It's pretty darn flat.
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2:16PM on 11/08/2013
A's all across the board from me. She's so sexy and dreamy.

Really hope she gets to be Wonder Woman.
A's all across the board from me. She's so sexy and dreamy.

Really hope she gets to be Wonder Woman.
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2:16PM on 11/08/2013
She gets A's all around from me, she is one hot woman.
She gets A's all around from me, she is one hot woman.
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2:09PM on 11/08/2013
A-/B+ is about right. Jaime's definitely a hot looking woman.
A-/B+ is about right. Jaime's definitely a hot looking woman.
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2:07PM on 11/08/2013

Me likey

I see her as a star-in-waiting: she was strong enough in THOR to make my wife like her better than Natalie Portman's character, and I thought she was wasted in THE LAST STAND. I really hope her career picks up because she doesn't lack for looks or talent.
I see her as a star-in-waiting: she was strong enough in THOR to make my wife like her better than Natalie Portman's character, and I thought she was wasted in THE LAST STAND. I really hope her career picks up because she doesn't lack for looks or talent.
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-19
1:51PM on 11/08/2013
Her face should be a D at the most. And I'd give her boobs a C-.

Very poor example of a hottie.
Her face should be a D at the most. And I'd give her boobs a C-.

Very poor example of a hottie.
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1:56PM on 11/08/2013
I agree and add that career should be an F (Rest Stop was horrible and that's the only other thing I have seen her in). If it weren't for a glorified cameo in Thor I doubt she'd even be known at all.
I agree and add that career should be an F (Rest Stop was horrible and that's the only other thing I have seen her in). If it weren't for a glorified cameo in Thor I doubt she'd even be known at all.
2:16AM on 11/09/2013
Say whaa....? You into dudes or something? Not that there's anything wrong with that of course, but I mean, c'mon.
Say whaa....? You into dudes or something? Not that there's anything wrong with that of course, but I mean, c'mon.
+1
12:54PM on 11/08/2013
I'm definitely a fan!
I'm definitely a fan!
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+1
12:52PM on 11/08/2013
I'm definitely a fan!
I'm definitely a fan!
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11:57AM on 11/08/2013
Love her in the Thor films and if the Wonder Woman rumors are true I wouldn't be against it. She just needs a better agent or something because she's not in too many good projects.
Love her in the Thor films and if the Wonder Woman rumors are true I wouldn't be against it. She just needs a better agent or something because she's not in too many good projects.
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11:40AM on 11/08/2013

I agree!

She's a B+ or A- hottie for me too.

There's been lots of requests for Ellie Kemper on here, I vote her next week!
She's a B+ or A- hottie for me too.

There's been lots of requests for Ellie Kemper on here, I vote her next week!
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11:16AM on 11/08/2013
A for me in every category.
A for me in every category.
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10:23AM on 11/08/2013

The Chin

First time I saw her was in the movie 'Rest Stop'. Although not a great movie, her chin kept me entertained, but not in a good way. One of my first thoughts was that she was like the female version of Jay Leno and then I couldn't stop looking at it. Let the downvotes begin....
First time I saw her was in the movie 'Rest Stop'. Although not a great movie, her chin kept me entertained, but not in a good way. One of my first thoughts was that she was like the female version of Jay Leno and then I couldn't stop looking at it. Let the downvotes begin....
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1:52PM on 11/08/2013
Haha. So true.
Haha. So true.
-10
10:19AM on 11/08/2013

what?

chick is hot no doubt but she is a C- at best, its totally falt, nothing sticking out what so ever. Speaking of flat her chest is very flat as well, so those cant be any better than a B (as we have never really seen them on their own), but again barely anything there. She is very hot none the less but those grades are a joke.
chick is hot no doubt but she is a C- at best, its totally falt, nothing sticking out what so ever. Speaking of flat her chest is very flat as well, so those cant be any better than a B (as we have never really seen them on their own), but again barely anything there. She is very hot none the less but those grades are a joke.
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9:29AM on 11/08/2013
The personality gets an A mainly for her Twitter and Facebook pages. She seems fun and is nice to look at.
The personality gets an A mainly for her Twitter and Facebook pages. She seems fun and is nice to look at.
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9:18AM on 11/08/2013
Sif makes me stiff. A's across the board for me. If she and Cobie Smulders ever took a photo together, my head would explode.
Sif makes me stiff. A's across the board for me. If she and Cobie Smulders ever took a photo together, my head would explode.
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9:11AM on 11/08/2013
She's yummy from head to toe, but she can sometimes have something of a stiff, plastic-y look to her. This isn't a knock but any means and I still find her all kinds of hot. She has a bangin' bod on her.
She's yummy from head to toe, but she can sometimes have something of a stiff, plastic-y look to her. This isn't a knock but any means and I still find her all kinds of hot. She has a bangin' bod on her.
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