Settle down, class! X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST is finally here, and all week long we've been celebrating the lovely Mystique; also known as the Blue Man Group's wet dream; also known as Smurfette's hotter sister. Most importantly, the now infamous character is played by Oscar-winner Jennifer Lawrence, whose body we will be examining in this week's "Hottie Report Card". And it's about damned time, too. Obviously, this is a hottie who should've received her scholarship a long time ago, so you probably know what to expect from this professor. However, the most fun comes from what YOU schmoes have to say, and how you would grade this particular babe in blue. So, let's get out our grading pads, shall we?
I'll admit, it took a few viewings of her movies before I noticed Jennifer was a major hottie, but over time, she's grown on me faster than my uncle's hemroids. There are some schmoes out there who think otherwise, which is why I dropped the grade just a little bit, even though those schmoes are obviously on crack. I suppose what I find most alluring about Jennifer's mug is her ability to look like a goddess, as well as your average girl next door. Just don't go to the house at the end of the street.
Okay, so it might not have been the very first thing that ever "stuck out" to me, but I've become quite fond of Jennifer's rambunctious rump. Whether she be jogging, or out on the red carpet, she gets extra credit for her presentation skills here. Her photoshoot for GQ magazine may go down in history as one of the best celebrity "booty shot" photoshoots of all time. Sure, there are some less flattering candid moments of Jennifer in a bikini, which, even though she's openly embarrassed of, aren't even close to being "half-bad". Plus, anyone who saw SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK knows she looks just plain awesome in some yoga pants.
Jenn's boobs are so fantastic, I'm convinced they could carry a movie on their own, and apparently so is 20th Century Fox, as they're considering a "Mystique spin-off". I feel as if no argument is needed here. We all hope that one day we'll get to see those babies in the flesh, without being covered in blue spandex. It's not likely to happen (on purpose), but let's keep our fingers crossed. Lawrence's breasts are so fantastical, they're almost like a mutation on their own, but a very groovy mutation.
Ever since Hollywood invented Diablo Cody, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm a huge fan of Jennifer's body. As much as I just praised her curvy bits, it's no secret Jennifer has kept herself in fine shape from the beginning. Considering the insane amount of work she does, and the fact that she's an avid Bud Light drinker, her midriff should probably win a Nobel Peace Prize. I would read every single word of The Joy Luck Club if it was tattooed on Jennifer's torsoe, and I hate that book. Seriously, I hate it. But I would.
This category is usually a tough cookie to crack for me, but despite her fun-loving behavior, Jennifer actually has her shit together here. Like, really together. On the one hand, she's the star of not one, but two major film franchises, which aren't even the highlights of her career. On the other hand, she's a 23-year-old Oscar winner and two-time nominee. She's not Hollywood royalty, nor has she been acting since childhood. She easily could've coasted off of her HUNGER GAMES success for many years to come, but instead, she tried making something more of herself by giving a balls-out performance in SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, and it worked, as it rightfully should. Really, the only reason I didn't add a "+" to this grade is that she still has plenty of time to f*ck it all up. It's not in the stars at the moment, but let's pray that doesn't happen.
Anyone who's seen how she handles herself in interviews, or any stressful situation, knows how seamless she can turn it into a laughable bit, whether it be on The Oscars or "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart". There's a comfort in being able to call Lawrence "genuine" without turning it into an adverb. She's not just genuinely attractive, or genuinely charming… Above all, she's just genuine. Never do I feel like I'm listening to your average "movie star" when Jennifer is speaking. I like that she can talk about embarrassing times she's gotten drunk, without ending the story with herself either bursting into tears or getting arrested. I LOVE that she can say "anal leakage" to David Letterman in an interview without losing an ounce of sex appeal. And then there's the side of Jennifer that's simply humane, like when she came to the aide of that fainted stranger one day while she was out for a jog. Honestly, if Lawrence isn't well-deserving of an overall "A+" grade, I have no idea who is.