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Hottie Report Card: Kelly Brook

Feb. 14, 2014by: Salacious Crumb

As you might have figured, when this "report card" column first started up, Kelly Brook was suggested as the next week's student numerous times. Since she's obviously a favorite around these parts (for most of us, anyway), the only reason I've been putting her off is the timing just never felt right. But now it's Valentine's Day, and I can't think of a more perfect soulmate for the MovieHotties community. So without further adieu, here's my completely biased grading of Kelly Brook. And pictures!

We make a big fuss about Kelly's wrecking balls and other parts of her anatomy, but she's been capable of turning just as many heads with all that good stuff completely covered. Journey back to this chilly day in England if you don't believe it. Put her in a parka or a fire proximity suit, the English paparazzi will follow her for 18 straight hours a day. With or without make-up, it's the smile and wavy brown locks that really make Kelly Kelly.

Before someone lashes out their claws, I will admit there are probably some better butts on the market, but I've been a longtime admirer of Kelly's. She did nab the #1 spot of Zoo magazine's "Britain's Best Bums" in 2013, and while some might suggest there are more shapely derrieres on the market, I enjoy watching Kelly go almost as much as watching her… leave.

Brook's stones have undoubtedly made a large impact in the modeling industry, websites like ours, and probably our everyday lives more than we even know it. If doctors say looking at busty women for 10 minutes a day is good for your health, then you might even consider Kelly a life saver, not to mention MovieHotties itself. You're welcome, planet Earth. We will continue fulfilling our duties to bring light to the world and hope for all with Kelly's colossal cans.

There has been and always will be those who deem Kelly "fat", even though she's never come close to deserving such criticism. Her weight may fluctuate over time just like the rest of us, but even as recent as this month, Kelly's figure is still basically reminiscent of an hourglass with a fantastic pair of legs attached. Apparently, she rarely excersises or diets, and claims sex is what keeps her shape, so you can thank me for that. High five?... No?... Fine!

Set aside PIRANHA 3D, SURVIVAL ISLAND, KEITH LEMON THE FILM and DUECE BIGELOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, and Kelly is left with one hell of a solid modeling career. She's been undeniably successful in that regard, but acting, not so much. What's annoying is that Kelly probably would be in more movies now if she didn't have a history of associating with ass-clowns like Keith Lemon. Hopefully she'll get off the "Celebrity Juice", start networking with the right people, and maybe portray Lisa in the WEIRD SCIENCE remake(?).

Kelly, for the most part, seems like an open book, which would be a good thing if that book didn't include pictures of her various boyfriends. She often seems eager to jump into relationships, and even more eager to go telling the whole world about her new "love" in life. Please, for the love of god, we don't want to know! Aside from that, Kelly is a beautiful, lively specimen who can light up a room and sunflowers probably rise everywhere she goes. An absolutely breastbreathtaking hottie from head to toe.

Extra Tidbit: In all honesty, what overall grade would you give Kelly?

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9:44AM on 02/14/2014
Kelly is exempt from report cards, she's that goddamn hot.
Kelly is exempt from report cards, she's that goddamn hot.
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10:05AM on 02/14/2014
Her butt in the pics provided deserve that grade but lately I say a B at best. Otherwise, spot on.
Her butt in the pics provided deserve that grade but lately I say a B at best. Otherwise, spot on.
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+4
10:36AM on 02/14/2014
Kelly is an A+ in my book!
Kelly is an A+ in my book!
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10:45AM on 02/14/2014
I for one am glad she's featured on this site as often as she is. She's all woman, generous curves, beautiful eyes, knack for pulling off the sultriest poses and manages to maintain a classiness that eludes many of her fellow Page 3 gals.
I for one am glad she's featured on this site as often as she is. She's all woman, generous curves, beautiful eyes, knack for pulling off the sultriest poses and manages to maintain a classiness that eludes many of her fellow Page 3 gals.
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11:08AM on 02/14/2014
I'd bump the personality up to A range. She seems like a really cool lady as well as having one of the most amazing bodies on the planet.
I'd bump the personality up to A range. She seems like a really cool lady as well as having one of the most amazing bodies on the planet.
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11:50AM on 02/14/2014

She came into my mates office the other day.

He said she is really small.

He also said she is hotter than a BBQ on the sun. A+
He said she is really small.

He also said she is hotter than a BBQ on the sun. A+
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1:09PM on 02/14/2014
Flawless
Flawless
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-16
4:55PM on 02/14/2014
Face: B-
Ass: B+
Boobs: A
Fitness: C+
Career: Who cares?
Personality: No idea.

Overall Grade: Generally overrated.
Face: B-
Ass: B+
Boobs: A
Fitness: C+
Career: Who cares?
Personality: No idea.

Overall Grade: Generally overrated.
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10:47PM on 02/14/2014

Pretty much bang-on

On anyone else, it may seem like attention-whoring but Kelly's classy and gracious enough to pull it off. And I love her smile.
On anyone else, it may seem like attention-whoring but Kelly's classy and gracious enough to pull it off. And I love her smile.
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9:02PM on 02/15/2014

Boner status = achieved!

Fist pump the air and freeze frame.
Fist pump the air and freeze frame.
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9:33AM on 02/16/2014

Apparently she's a real bitch...

so I'd give her personality an E... However, boobs and ass maketh the hottie, so I think she'd level out at a solid B-

Still totally would mind, even if she was being a complete c**t throughout.
so I'd give her personality an E... However, boobs and ass maketh the hottie, so I think she'd level out at a solid B-

Still totally would mind, even if she was being a complete c**t throughout.
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2:26AM on 02/17/2014
Even when considering how bias this site is when it comes to her, giving her an A- for fitness is ridiculous. She might have been that fit once, but she sure as hell has not been that fit for a long while now. Whether you agree with people calling her fat or not, people with a fitness level at A- don't ever get called fat or out of shape, not even by their haters. It just doesn't happen when your that fit. A- is being just a little less fit than someone like Maria Menounos, who is an A+ in
Even when considering how bias this site is when it comes to her, giving her an A- for fitness is ridiculous. She might have been that fit once, but she sure as hell has not been that fit for a long while now. Whether you agree with people calling her fat or not, people with a fitness level at A- don't ever get called fat or out of shape, not even by their haters. It just doesn't happen when your that fit. A- is being just a little less fit than someone like Maria Menounos, who is an A+ in fitness, and Kelly is no where near her level of fitness. She is more like a B- at best. The rest of my grade would be-
Face = B+
Ass = B
Boobs = D
Career = C-
Personality = C-
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