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Hottie Report Card: Lacey Chabert

Oct. 18, 2013by: Salacious Crumb

Damn, you schmoes are really making it tough for me to keep the outcome of this column interesting. This is the third week in a row you guys have suggested a grand slam hottie, last week being the lushcious Amber Heard, and Gemma Arterton the week before. Now you've brought Lacey Chabert, the hottie of a thousand cartoon character voices, to my desk for judgement. I could simply ignore your requests and use this week's "report card" on some fugly chick like Bruce Jenner, but then we wouldn't get to bless our pupils with mesmerizing photos like this...

I may be putting my foot in my mouth here (wouldn't be the first time), but that's the grade my gut tells me to go with. It's obvious Chabert is gorgeous, and if you ran into her in person, your pants would melt and you'd probably be arrested. That said, Lacey's facey can strike me as a bit tomboy-ish at times, not that it's really a bad thing. Most of the characters she plays are the exact opposite, anyway. She is indeed like the girl in school you'd write a long, pathetic letter to in the hopes of getting laid.

The lack of images of Lacey's butt among the web is either some kind of government conspiracy or a cruel joke played by god. I don't know what the deal is with that, one would think she'd be proud to show it off on occasion. She's had plenty of opportunities to do so, most recently in her Maxim spread, although thankfully she didn't shy away from sharing her other splendid features...

Lacey has really done her homework in this subject, and she's truly deserving of that grade. In the most polite way possible, I've been a fan since she played an over-develpoed high schooler in both MEAN GIRLS and NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE. She was even cast as a Jennifer Love Hewitt lookalike in NATM, and she knocks J-Love's knockers right out of the park (and that's coming from a hardcore Hewitt-oholic). I look at the photos below and think "That's the woman who did the voice of Eliza Thornberry?... I'm scarred for life!" We all are.

Chabert has a sexy, defined body, and from what I gather, she always has. There are many considered "hotties" who possess curvy bodies, slim bodies and even average bodies. Lacey is very tone, with just enough muscle that it's visible through the skin, especially in the right lighting. Her belly alone is hotter than most Hooters waitresses in general. Another well-earned triumph.

Lacey's career is, like herself, a little laid back. She's a working actress, she has fans, and she still does some sexy magazine shoots every now and again. None of those things are bad, but it'd be nice to see her in something not so mediocre. To be fair, many of her films fly right over our heads, like THIRST, IN MY SLEEP and SLIGHTLY SINGLE IN L.A., which all sound like erotic thrillers to me. Are they? Is Blockbuster still around??

Not your typical MEAN GIRL, not mentally LOST IN SPACE (I'm so clever). In fact, Lacey's a pretty dern'd cool cat. She admits she was brought up with old-fashioned morals, which is extremely rare now (although she's probably not as clenched to her Bible as Claudia Salinger). We would all like to see her in some bigger roles, but that's probably not entirely her fault. Overall, I feel it's sensible to grant Lacey something in the "above 90%" isle, especially due to the biggest extra credit project of any hottie yet: doing a "Hottie Stop" interview with us! Cheers, Lacey!

Extra Tidbit: Thanks, Letsgotothemall, for this suggestion. How about a Halloween-related lady for next week?

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2:46PM on 10/21/2013
How about Elvira for some Halloween inspiration.
How about Elvira for some Halloween inspiration.
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+2
3:14PM on 10/19/2013

HELL YES

One word.... YUMMY!!!
One word.... YUMMY!!!
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1:17AM on 10/19/2013

I'm fine with this grade.

Lacey's really good looking and seems like a good person. I got her new Maxim and good god.
Lacey's really good looking and seems like a good person. I got her new Maxim and good god.
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10:47PM on 10/18/2013
10 10 10...this chick is hot as hell...
10 10 10...this chick is hot as hell...
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-23
8:00PM on 10/18/2013

Face is an A-?

This girl does not have a good looking face. At all.
This girl does not have a good looking face. At all.
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11:37PM on 10/18/2013
You, sir have lost your mind...
You, sir have lost your mind...
5:03PM on 10/18/2013
I had no idea she was a triplet. You can't even tell them apart!
I had no idea she was a triplet. You can't even tell them apart!
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3:35PM on 10/18/2013
How about Lizzy caplan next week?!
How about Lizzy caplan next week?!
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2:46PM on 10/18/2013
"I had to pretend I didn't even like them... it was so sad."
"I never told anyone because... I am *such* a good friend."

Her mousy voice is awesome. Anyway, how about Lizzy Caplan for next week since she's rocking Masters of Sex right now? She's kinda Halloween related since she made her nude debut in a vampire show, plus she dressed like a Goth as her memorable Janis Ian in Mean Girls.
"I had to pretend I didn't even like them... it was so sad."
"I never told anyone because... I am *such* a good friend."

Her mousy voice is awesome. Anyway, how about Lizzy Caplan for next week since she's rocking Masters of Sex right now? She's kinda Halloween related since she made her nude debut in a vampire show, plus she dressed like a Goth as her memorable Janis Ian in Mean Girls.
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+3
1:24PM on 10/18/2013
Love her. I remember seeing her on Party of Five and thinking she was the best of the bunch. I even put her over Jen Love, which all my friends thought I was crazy for doing. As for a Halloween Hottie, I have to nominate Danielle Harris. Has she been done? I don't know. If not, she is perfect for Halloween.
Love her. I remember seeing her on Party of Five and thinking she was the best of the bunch. I even put her over Jen Love, which all my friends thought I was crazy for doing. As for a Halloween Hottie, I have to nominate Danielle Harris. Has she been done? I don't know. If not, she is perfect for Halloween.
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1:17PM on 10/18/2013
Tight little package
Tight little package
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12:49PM on 10/18/2013
Tidbit: Sheri Moon Zombie
Tidbit: Sheri Moon Zombie
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11:16AM on 10/18/2013

She's awesome.

Can you do someone Halloween-themed next week like Scream Queen Danielle Harris or something? Or Nichole Beharie from Sleepy Hollow?
Can you do someone Halloween-themed next week like Scream Queen Danielle Harris or something? Or Nichole Beharie from Sleepy Hollow?
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12:06PM on 10/18/2013
Oh, Danielle Harris is a GREAT idea for the Halloween theme next week!!!!
Oh, Danielle Harris is a GREAT idea for the Halloween theme next week!!!!
10:19AM on 10/18/2013
I've had a crush on her for well over a decade now. Totally overlooked.
I've had a crush on her for well over a decade now. Totally overlooked.
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10:13AM on 10/18/2013

Lacy Chabert "Ass"

There are pics on the net that show it's at least an "A" if not an "A+", That thing is bubble-shaped fine and has it's own zipcode :)
There are pics on the net that show it's at least an "A" if not an "A+", That thing is bubble-shaped fine and has it's own zipcode :)
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9:57AM on 10/18/2013
Total babe. One of the things about her I think is really sexy is her voice.
Total babe. One of the things about her I think is really sexy is her voice.
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+2
8:55AM on 10/18/2013
She's been on my radar and in my mind a lot longer than she should have been! Her one distraction is her voice but I certainly can live with it. I can't way to see her naked!
She's been on my radar and in my mind a lot longer than she should have been! Her one distraction is her voice but I certainly can live with it. I can't way to see her naked!
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7:59AM on 10/18/2013

The Counselor is coming out next week

How about Cameron Diaz or Penelope Cruz?
How about Cameron Diaz or Penelope Cruz?
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+4
7:59AM on 10/18/2013
Do Ellie Kemper (from the Office, Bridesmaids, and 21 Jump Street) one of these days please!
Do Ellie Kemper (from the Office, Bridesmaids, and 21 Jump Street) one of these days please!
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7:39AM on 10/18/2013

Tidbit: Kate Beckinsale

One of the sexiest women in entertainment and actually a very cool chick. That last photo with three Lacey's...damn!
One of the sexiest women in entertainment and actually a very cool chick. That last photo with three Lacey's...damn!
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7:22AM on 10/18/2013
Lacey is absolutely gorgeous and deserves better movie roles. I also wish that just once she would unleash those awesome breasts.

For next week how about someone like Rose McGowan? She has a Halloween sort of vibe to her plus she was in the one good Scream movie.
Lacey is absolutely gorgeous and deserves better movie roles. I also wish that just once she would unleash those awesome breasts.

For next week how about someone like Rose McGowan? She has a Halloween sort of vibe to her plus she was in the one good Scream movie.
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11:17AM on 10/18/2013
I will feel bad if she gets a bad grade on her face since it wasn't her fault she was in a car accident :-/
I will feel bad if she gets a bad grade on her face since it wasn't her fault she was in a car accident :-/
7:21AM on 10/18/2013
2 Broke Girls Season 3
[link]
2 Broke Girls Season 3
[link]
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10:00AM on 10/18/2013
That show is terrible. The fact that it got renewed twice is depressing.
That show is terrible. The fact that it got renewed twice is depressing.
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