Latest Movie Hotties Headlines

Hottie Report Card: Michelle Trachtenberg

11.22.2013by: Salacious Crumb

There is no real explanation as to why we're featuring the less glorified, but long-standing ex-"Nick chick" Michelle Trachtenberg. You can thank Movie Fan Central schmoe smacaskill for this week's hot "student" selection. Although it seems like there's a much more obvious hottie to go with this week (Oscar-winner who plays games and has mystical boobies), I'm down for some Trachtenberg. Plus, she recently took part in the made-for-TV movie KILLING KENNEDY, which has received a lot of positive buzz. So let's cut the crap and get down to what this column is really about... the pics!

Soul-piercing spectacles, pouting lips with juuust the right amount of pouty, and the occasionally freckle-sprinkled nose? As I'm looking at this face, failing in my attempts to  discover a single flaw, it really makes me ponder how Amanda Bynes was once raking in big Hollywood parts while Trachtenberg watched from afar. She's pretty flippin' gorgeous when it comes to the above-the-shoulders territory, and that's not to say she doesn't possess some excellent qualities below.

Anyone who caught EURO-TRIP knows Trachtenberg's derriere is a place of majesty and solace. If not, please take this GIF into consideration. I can be quite the judgmental professor when it comes to this category, yet I didn't hesitate once before stamping an "A" onto this particular piece of arse. Michelle never fails to showcase her rump as one of her key features at red carpet events.

I never really paid much attention before, but Michelle has grown a healthy duo of meaty mountains since her "Pete & Pete" days. While they have not yet left the confines of neatly decorated braziers, there's nothing but good things to say about Michelle's Trachtenburgers.

If you've seen photos of Michelle from the past year, you'll notice she's slapped on a few ounces of "I guess this is growing up" fat. Don't get me wrong though, she's still clearly a babe, but there's a reason she's been popping up on MovieHotties a little less frequently. Any day now, she may come out with another jaw-dropping photoshoot in Maxim, and we will start to taste the feet in our mouths. I would post one of the more recent, badly lit, slightly disappointing pics to coincide with this subject, but you schmoes don't want to see that, do you? You want to see sexy Michelle, and that's what we're going to give you. I don't know exactly what year this picture was taken, but sweet lord! 

For an actress who landed her first starring film role at 11-years-old (HARRIET THE SPY), who also isn't bad on the eyes, I'm surprised Trachtenberg hasn't broken past the point of being just semi-famous. EURO-TRIP, ICE PRINCESS, BLACK CHRISTMAS and 17 AGAIN are the biggest films she has taken part in. Michelle is a bit more well-known in the television industry, having starred in "Buffy The Vampire Slayer", "Gossip Girl, the short-lived "Mercy" and perhaps the most notable of all, the recent TV-movie KILLING KENNEDY. She's still only 28, so there's plenty of time to leave a bigger impression on the general public, whether it's in our hearts or in our pants.

I'm going to give grown-up Harriet a default "B+" in this category, mainly because I don't hear of this hottie often enough to really know her personality. From what I've discovered, she seems like a really rad chick, but that just makes me wonder why we don't see her in more shite. Perhaps she's playing it cool with her Hollywood persona and doesn't want to be constantly dancing like a monkey in the spotlight. Still, I would definitely like to see you around these parts more often, Michelle. We all would.

RECOMMENDED MOVIE NEWS

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Drool Back
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

+9
7:35AM on 11/22/2013
Definitely a big fan! Really hot chick
Definitely a big fan! Really hot chick
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:05AM on 11/22/2013
Gorgeous, gorgeous girl.
Gorgeous, gorgeous girl.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:45AM on 11/22/2013
Awesome choice this week :) Michelle has been a favorite of mine for a while. She has a gorgeous face, great curves, and she seems like a cool chick as well.
Awesome choice this week :) Michelle has been a favorite of mine for a while. She has a gorgeous face, great curves, and she seems like a cool chick as well.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
9:06AM on 11/22/2013
Curvy with long brown hair and a pretty face.
Curvy with long brown hair and a pretty face.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:05AM on 11/22/2013
She's very pretty and I'm absolutely digging her slightly fuller, healthy figure!
She's very pretty and I'm absolutely digging her slightly fuller, healthy figure!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:37AM on 11/22/2013
She's effin' hot. I'd give her A in every category except B for career. Overall, A for me.
She's effin' hot. I'd give her A in every category except B for career. Overall, A for me.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:36AM on 11/22/2013
cmon a little bit of curvy fat is never bad on a woman..not too fat but not too thin either for me...too thin chicks are lame
cmon a little bit of curvy fat is never bad on a woman..not too fat but not too thin either for me...too thin chicks are lame
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:27PM on 11/22/2013
We could do Jennifer Lawrence next week just to make up for it.
We could do Jennifer Lawrence next week just to make up for it.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+2
3:02PM on 11/22/2013
I think Jennifer Lawrence would have been too easy because pretty much every category is in the A range. Good choice this week. Michelle is very underrated. She's a decent actress, but a very underrated beauty who never quite caught on. I remember seeing her in Pete and Pete back Nickelodeon made her out to be that weird kid in that weird TV show. Seeing her years later in Euro Trip was...ahem....a trip because she was all grown up and looked smokin. I think, though, that she never caught on
I think Jennifer Lawrence would have been too easy because pretty much every category is in the A range. Good choice this week. Michelle is very underrated. She's a decent actress, but a very underrated beauty who never quite caught on. I remember seeing her in Pete and Pete back Nickelodeon made her out to be that weird kid in that weird TV show. Seeing her years later in Euro Trip was...ahem....a trip because she was all grown up and looked smokin. I think, though, that she never caught on like Amanda Bynes because Bynes was so funny.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
6:31PM on 11/26/2013
JLaw's face is a C, at best. She is a butterface.
JLaw's face is a C, at best. She is a butterface.
3:42PM on 11/22/2013
Love her. Was my first celebrity crush as a youngster from Harriet and Pete and Pete. And now.... damn.
Love her. Was my first celebrity crush as a youngster from Harriet and Pete and Pete. And now.... damn.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
4:12PM on 11/22/2013
Career should be more like a D- or an F. Nothing of note on that resume at all.
Career should be more like a D- or an F. Nothing of note on that resume at all.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
6:31PM on 11/26/2013
Buffy is better than most tv shows and movies you see today though.
Buffy is better than most tv shows and movies you see today though.
4:55PM on 11/22/2013
I forgot about her.

Next one should be Alison Brie or Gillian Jacobs. In a very Community Hotties mood.
I forgot about her.

Next one should be Alison Brie or Gillian Jacobs. In a very Community Hotties mood.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
6:04AM on 11/23/2013
The Michelle in EuroTrip was easily an A in everything but career, back then her body was perfect. However, the Michelle now is more like a C. There is a clear difference between her looks then and her looks now, so it doesn't make much sense to give her ass a grade based off how it was in EuroTrip.
The Michelle in EuroTrip was easily an A in everything but career, back then her body was perfect. However, the Michelle now is more like a C. There is a clear difference between her looks then and her looks now, so it doesn't make much sense to give her ass a grade based off how it was in EuroTrip.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
3:49PM on 11/23/2013
I still maintain that if Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman got greenlit, she would have been the lead.
I still maintain that if Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman got greenlit, she would have been the lead.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
6:30PM on 11/26/2013
Love her, she has a great figure and anyone who calls her fat can suck it. I second Jekkie's nomination of Gillian Jacobs next. Or Natalie Dormer!!
Love her, she has a great figure and anyone who calls her fat can suck it. I second Jekkie's nomination of Gillian Jacobs next. Or Natalie Dormer!!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
View All Comments

Latest Movie News Headlines


Top
Loading...

Featured Youtube Videos

Views and Counting

Movie Hottie Of The Week

More

Latest Hot Celebrity Pictures

More
gemma-arterton gemma-arterton gemma-arterton gemma-arterton