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Hottie Report Card: Olga Kurylenko

Aug. 29, 2014by: Salacious Crumb
100%

Brosnan has been piercing the cinemas with his action-thriller THE NOVEMBER MAN since last Wednesday, and a sequel to the film is already in the works. Some may say the movie's familiar leading dude with a gun is what gave Relativity Media the confidence to greenlight a sequel so soon, but I'd like to think the beautiful Olga Kurylenko also had something to do with it. While most modern movie-goers are familiar with at least some of her work, Olga has yet to have made enough of an impact to be in your dad's Top 20, where she rightfully should be. Today, we put Olga to the test, while simultaniously spreading awareness of her blazing hotness, primarily with the use of pictures...

To explain what kept me from giving Olga 100% in this subject will be nearly impossible. She shares the same mouth, nose and cheekbones as Jennifer Lawrence, while her eyes send us off into more exotic territory. If there's anything that keeps me from pushing the grade higher, it's the fact that she's almost too beautiful, to the point where she seems simply impossble to approach, like a Victoria Secret angel, a siren on an ocean rock, or the girl who lives down the hall from me.

Olga has certainly done well with maintaining her back bumper over the years, and she doesn't refrain from sharing that fact in various photoshoots. I've actually been a huge fan of this fanny for quite some time, and have continued to defend it against nay-sayers. Even in a typicial red carpet dress, she manages to make herself look good from all angles. And those subtle dimples on her lower back could make me drool a river. Probably swim it, too.

I imagine handling Olga's bosom buddies would be way more fun to play with than I rightfully deserve in this life. They're not particularly humungous, but if you've come across any topless photos of Olga (which, in this day and age, isn't difficult), you'd see they're rather spectacular. Speaking of which, she gets extra credit for her presentation skills in this subject. You've gotta love the anatomic generosity of the French.

There's not much to be said here that isn't immediately apparent once you've seen Olga in a bikini, or in anything for that matter. Sure, I've given many hotties an 'A' in this category as of late, and they probably deserve it too. The fact is most actresses, especially those who star in popcorn action flicks, tend to have incredibly esquisite bodies. I don't know why that is. It's truly a strange, inexplicable coincidence.

With big-budget fair like QUANTUM OF SOLACE and OBLIVION on her resumé, you'd think "Kurylenko" would be an easier name to spell without having to check it twice. Perhaps NOVEMBER MAN will help garner some new interest, but I'd like to see her break away from playing the "hot sidekick" to other, well-established male action stars. Sure, she's delivered her more badass side in arthouse flicks, but she's long overdue for a good leading role. Olga is a hottie who's lingered on the diving board for too long, refraining from making that big splash into superstardom. There's still plenty of time for her to make that leap, however.

Olga seems like a really slick, open-minded and generally charismatic lady, but I honestly can't say I know enough about her to judge, so I'm giving her the default grade here. If she were to improve on the last subject, I'm sure we'd be seeing more interviews and maybe we'd get a better sense of how she is in real life. Frankly, if I ran into her on the streets, I wouldn't care if she spoke even a word of English. She could use every foul word in the French language to slander me right in front of my face, and I'd still be frozen by the aura of her beauty. Besides, I wouldn't understand what the hell she was saying, anyway.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: What do you grade this hottie?

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12:51PM on 09/02/2014
Shes top notch man
Shes top notch man
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2:04PM on 08/31/2014
Yummy, Da!
Yummy, Da!
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12:32AM on 08/30/2014
Ahh yes she satisfies my slavic fetish.
Ahh yes she satisfies my slavic fetish.
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10:52PM on 08/29/2014
The pic of her butt in the red two-piece looks photo shopped. She looks utterly delicious in that white bikini. Yum.
The pic of her butt in the red two-piece looks photo shopped. She looks utterly delicious in that white bikini. Yum.
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10:48AM on 08/29/2014
She's extraordinarily exotic and sexy, has a great bod and is not shy about that.
She's extraordinarily exotic and sexy, has a great bod and is not shy about that.
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9:50AM on 08/29/2014

Another thing I'd like to point out...

This is not a knock on Olga. I think you averaged the grades wrong.

From what I determined, these grades average themselves to five B+'s and one A-, which results in a final grade of B+.
This is not a knock on Olga. I think you averaged the grades wrong.

From what I determined, these grades average themselves to five B+'s and one A-, which results in a final grade of B+.
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8:43AM on 08/29/2014
Olga is definitely gorgeous. Unfortunately she rarely gets a chance to show off her talents in the crappy movies she's cast in.
Olga is definitely gorgeous. Unfortunately she rarely gets a chance to show off her talents in the crappy movies she's cast in.
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7:13AM on 08/29/2014

Luscious Ukrainian.

Definitely not in enough proper projects.

BTW, you listed Rosario Dawson in the 'B' students section when you graded her 'A-' last week. Care to change that?
Definitely not in enough proper projects.

BTW, you listed Rosario Dawson in the 'B' students section when you graded her 'A-' last week. Care to change that?
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