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Hottie Report Card: Rashida Jones

Sep. 27, 2013by: Salacious Crumb

A few of you folks have been pretty persistent over the months in nominating Rashida Jones for a "Report Card" column, and since the sixth season of "Parks and Recreation" just had its hour-long premiere last night, it seems like about the right time. I was hesitant at first, because I really like Rashida. She's a lovely gal, but she isn't the kind of hottie I'd look up online to drool over. In other words, I'm probably going to write some things that I may loath myself for even thinking in the near future. Hasn't stopped me before! Now, on with the pics!

Definitely the kind of woman one could settle down with. I've been crushing on Jones ever since she portrayed a hot COD-playing chick on "The Office", which means she looks great when dressed for business, which also means her face is one of her stand-out features. However, in the grand scheme of things, Rashida's mug could better be defined as "cute" than "sexy". Not that "cute" isn't something to be proud of, and embrace for all it's worth.

And the frustration continues… Why can't some of these hotties supply me with at least one decent "ass" photo for an accurate speculation? It's unfair. Especially in Rashida's instance, where her bum is probably very nice to lay eyes upon, but she'd rather us think naughty thoughts about that red heart sucker in the above pic. C'mon, Rashida, take some responsibility for your hotness and quit leaving it to our imaginations! Show us that backside!

Now this is more like it! Despite the fact that her wardrobe on "Parks and Recreation" usually seems like it was picked out by an Amish mute, Rashida has some very lovely handful-sized bewbs, and she's not afraid to let the world know. Let me take this opportunity to make it clear that size isn't of upmost importance in this category. The grade is simply based on the pleasure of the measure. (Bonus image for scientific purposes).

Rashida is 37-years-old, and could be mistaken for 10 years younger, so to say she's out of shape would be nonsensical as well as a big fat lie. Sure, she may not have the same voluptuous curves as other hotties, and her skin might not snap back like a rubber band when you pinch it, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy it within every crevice of my fingerprints. When it comes to breaking it down symmetrically and mathematically… Hey, if it's good enough for Mark Zuckerberg, it's good enough for me. 

You and I both know that Rashida was in I LOVE YOU, MAN, and we've been through nearly half a decade of "will they, won't they?" tension between Leslie and Ann on "Parks and Recreation, but do most of your friends know her by name? Probably not. She's had opportunities to shine in films like OUR IDIOT BROTHER and CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER (which she also wrote), only to wind up being more well-known for her smaller parts. Here's to hopin' she gets that groundbreaking role she very well deserves sooner than later. (My apologies for the arguable inappropriateness of this next pic).

As I've stated already, I like Rashida. I like that she's a creative mind with more to offer than the ability to look pretty on camera. I like that she did a couple sketches on "Chappelle's Show" when she was an up-and-comer. I like that she has a great singing voice, and has laid down vocal tracks for both Maroon 5 and a Tupac Shakur tribute album. I like that she's dated Jon Favreau, and that earlier this year, she directed her first music video. Yes, ladies and gents, Rashida Jones… is sort of a badass.

Extra Tidbit: How would you have graded this hottie?

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+0
6:11PM on 09/28/2013
A fair grade. She's very hot, but not above a B+
A fair grade. She's very hot, but not above a B+
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+11
8:38PM on 09/27/2013
That C+ for Career is pretty harsh. We're in need of more comedically talented women like this.
That C+ for Career is pretty harsh. We're in need of more comedically talented women like this.
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7:10PM on 09/27/2013
You said she dated Jon Favreau. I read it's not the same one who directed Iron Man.
You said she dated Jon Favreau. I read it's not the same one who directed Iron Man.
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7:02PM on 09/27/2013
I have had a huge crush on her since Season 3 of The Office.
I have had a huge crush on her since Season 3 of The Office.
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+8
5:06PM on 09/27/2013

Ass a C???

Granted she isn't known for wearing tight or revealing clothing but her booty is pretty fantastic. There is already a suggested google search for "Rashida Jones butt" it's just she keeps it hidden more often than not, but mark my words... one day it will be revealed and universal males mouths will be agape.
Granted she isn't known for wearing tight or revealing clothing but her booty is pretty fantastic. There is already a suggested google search for "Rashida Jones butt" it's just she keeps it hidden more often than not, but mark my words... one day it will be revealed and universal males mouths will be agape.
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2:44PM on 09/27/2013

Love her!

She has a unique beauty and great comedic timing.

Now that Runner Runner is out you should do Gemma Arterton. Or ScarJo for Don Jon.
She has a unique beauty and great comedic timing.

Now that Runner Runner is out you should do Gemma Arterton. Or ScarJo for Don Jon.
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10:23AM on 09/27/2013

I love Rashida

I would give her A's across the board plus she has just about the best damn legs I've ever seen. Is there any reason there isn't a legs category?
I would give her A's across the board plus she has just about the best damn legs I've ever seen. Is there any reason there isn't a legs category?
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+9
8:19AM on 09/27/2013
So for some reason Rashida Jones gets an A- for boobs and Anna Kendrick, who has a much better rack gets a B-?
So for some reason Rashida Jones gets an A- for boobs and Anna Kendrick, who has a much better rack gets a B-?
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8:32AM on 09/27/2013
I gave Kendricks's tats a B+. I consider that reasonable, but that's my opinion.
I gave Kendricks's tats a B+. I consider that reasonable, but that's my opinion.
7:35AM on 09/27/2013
A's across the board for me. Hot, smart and funny....the perfect combination.
A's across the board for me. Hot, smart and funny....the perfect combination.
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