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Hottie Report Card: Sandra Bullock

Jul. 12, 2013by: Salacious Crumb

If there's an ideal time of year to test-run a brand new "school"-themed column, it's obviously the middle of July, right? In the Hottie Report Card, we'll take a look at particular hottie/celebrity and discuss where they stand on the hot-o-meter by "grading" them in six different categories. Sounds simple enough, right? Kinda like "The Body Shop" from back in the day, only now we're measuring their hottie status with the grading system instead of hotdogs. Plus, it'll give us a chance to check up on particular hotties in their current state. And since she's somewhat relevant right now, why not start with a hottie who's known by all? Let's go with Miss Congeniality herself, Sandra Bullock...

Okay, so there's no question that Bullock is more beautiful than any woman who's ever given me an actual, working phone number. But on a grand scale of hotties whose faces span from "pretty" to "stunning" to "Sweet Jeebus!", it's tough to imagine handing Sandra anything higher than a "B" in this category. She's always reminded me of Fran Drescher's hotter, more tolerable cousin for some reason, which I guess isn't saying much. Plus it's clear she's had a little surgical help over the years, although at least it was well done, and nothing too over-the-top. Plus, she doesn't look like she's sucked on half as many lemons as say, Renee Zellweger. Just sayin'.

Bullock's buttocks are... actually quite nice, displaying a great deal of stability and firmness. The only problem?: we never get to see it. The downside is that her backside is rarely utilized on camera the way sloths like myself wish it'd be. That's a shame, too, because otherwise it may be considered one of Sandra's best features. There have been moments we've gotten a glimpse or two, but not nearly enough to counterbalance the HUGELY disappointing lack of swimsuit appearances over the years. What's the deal, Sandra?

While she's packing a fair amount of goods from behind, there's not a whole lot to be celebrated on the front-end. Don't get me wrong, Sandra's bewbs match her body pretty well, and would look a little cartoonishly unproportionate if they were bigger. But if you find yourself obsessed with what's up top, she'll pretty much strike you as a mediocre hottie. Sandra's rack strikes me as nothing more or less than simply adequate, thus the grade given.

It's no secret that Bullock is toit like a toiger. To my knowledge, she hasn't let herself go even once in her history of being chased down by the paps. Though she's not one to go off giving health tips on daytime talk shows, clearly whatever she's doing is working pretty well. Even today, at 48-years-old (turning 49 in a couple weeks), Sandra looks ten years younger. She keeps her lean figure in check, whether by exercising, eating healthy, or perhaps none of the above. The world may never know.

After starring in '90's action cheese-terpieces like DEMOLITION MAN and SPEED, Sandra started bringing in big box office bucks playing the romantic love interest in several of her following films. There's not an aspiring actor out there who isn't familiar with Sandra's movies, even if not all of them were zingers (SPEED 2, PREMONITION, ALL ABOUT STEVE, MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED & FABULOUS). Plus she's gone on to leave a permanent mark in the industry by winning an Academy Award for THE BLIND SIDE. Lately, with her successful comedy THE HEAT, and what appears to be an intense voyage in the upcoming GRAVITY, Sandra's career probably won't be crashing into the ground anytime soon. 

This is where Sandra may just save herself from falling down the slippery slope of a sloppy "C"-student. Despite being practically type-cast as a strong female character in many of her projects, Sandra has never let us forget she's a woman. She's believable as a cop, an undercover agent and the boss of a large organization, but doesn't need to pretend to be "just like one of the guys" to do so. The sex appeal is always there, and is only emphasized by her more fun, down-to-earth side which can be seen more off the screen than on it.

Extra Tidbit: How would you have graded this hottie?

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+4
1:44AM on 07/16/2013
I am a Sandra fan, and think she's wicked cute(especially her personality.). I would be perfectly happy snagging a lady that looked like her, "small" breast and all.
I am a Sandra fan, and think she's wicked cute(especially her personality.). I would be perfectly happy snagging a lady that looked like her, "small" breast and all.
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8:34PM on 07/15/2013

I liked her twenty years ago

Twenty years ago I liked Sandra Bullock, Joan Chen, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Salma Hayek. Now I like Anne Hathaway, Jamie Chung, Megan Fox and Selena Gomez.
Twenty years ago I liked Sandra Bullock, Joan Chen, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Salma Hayek. Now I like Anne Hathaway, Jamie Chung, Megan Fox and Selena Gomez.
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+5
12:00PM on 07/15/2013
Maybe she's not the hottest starlet in Hollywood, nor does she do a lot of movies that interest me, but I love Sandra Bullock. She seems like she has a really cool personality.
Maybe she's not the hottest starlet in Hollywood, nor does she do a lot of movies that interest me, but I love Sandra Bullock. She seems like she has a really cool personality.
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-1
11:30AM on 07/15/2013
I always had her at cute - nothing more. I don't drink ...but if I did...I'd imagine she'd make for a great drinking buddy - always comes off with a great fun/friendly personality when you watch her interviews off screen. Her roles on screen have pretty much been like that too... if you cast your mind back to Demolition Man and Speed to something more recent like The Proposal (where her character actually starts the movie off as an over demanding /authoritative boss until she loosens up
I always had her at cute - nothing more. I don't drink ...but if I did...I'd imagine she'd make for a great drinking buddy - always comes off with a great fun/friendly personality when you watch her interviews off screen. Her roles on screen have pretty much been like that too... if you cast your mind back to Demolition Man and Speed to something more recent like The Proposal (where her character actually starts the movie off as an over demanding /authoritative boss until she loosens up comical style as the movie progresses).
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2:34AM on 07/13/2013
So this is like the Body Shop 2.0! Great idea.
So this is like the Body Shop 2.0! Great idea.
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+0
2:06AM on 07/13/2013
I disagree on the face. Her smile alone is worth the A. She's always had my favorite smile in Hollywood, but I was shocked at how hot she still is when I saw her in The Heat. I haven't really seen anything she's done in years, but she has aged oh so well. For someone on the verge of 50, she's still got it going on. Maybe she's had help, but it's barely noticeable.
I disagree on the face. Her smile alone is worth the A. She's always had my favorite smile in Hollywood, but I was shocked at how hot she still is when I saw her in The Heat. I haven't really seen anything she's done in years, but she has aged oh so well. For someone on the verge of 50, she's still got it going on. Maybe she's had help, but it's barely noticeable.
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10:28PM on 07/12/2013

I wanna know.....

I wanna know why she has been single so long. She's totally hot and held up well. Has a great career and is loved by her peers. What is the deal? Maybe she's that badass in bed no man can handle it..... That's how I like to think about all this. Dirty Dirty Girl Sandra :)
I wanna know why she has been single so long. She's totally hot and held up well. Has a great career and is loved by her peers. What is the deal? Maybe she's that badass in bed no man can handle it..... That's how I like to think about all this. Dirty Dirty Girl Sandra :)
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+5
10:02PM on 07/12/2013
I always give her A's
I always give her A's
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8:22PM on 07/12/2013

Don't know what James was thinking

Sandra is really beautiful and seems like a great catch
Sandra is really beautiful and seems like a great catch
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-23
7:59PM on 07/12/2013

Nope...

Not hot, never has been. She's just kind of plain and average. I would have given here a C.
Not hot, never has been. She's just kind of plain and average. I would have given here a C.
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+3
7:19PM on 07/12/2013
Fair grade. Definitely what I would have given her.
Fair grade. Definitely what I would have given her.
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7:19PM on 07/12/2013

Good Job, Bullock

I think giving her a B+ is a great grade...if defiinitely fits her well.
I think giving her a B+ is a great grade...if defiinitely fits her well.
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7:01PM on 07/12/2013

fuckability

B+++ (as in bar bathroom or back alley, etc)
B+++ (as in bar bathroom or back alley, etc)
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6:23PM on 07/12/2013
I dont find her hot.she looks like Michael jackson [link]
I dont find her hot.she looks like Michael jackson [link]
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+1
6:02PM on 07/12/2013
The only time I ever really paid attention to her was back in her Demolition Man/Speed days, which was her peak cuteness time. Then she disappeared into chick flick/dumb comedy obscurity for a decade or so and I mostly forgot about her. She's always kept herself in shape though, I'll give her that.
The only time I ever really paid attention to her was back in her Demolition Man/Speed days, which was her peak cuteness time. Then she disappeared into chick flick/dumb comedy obscurity for a decade or so and I mostly forgot about her. She's always kept herself in shape though, I'll give her that.
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+5
4:51PM on 07/12/2013
Still a hottie!
Still a hottie!
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4:03PM on 07/12/2013
Definitely got a thing for her
Definitely got a thing for her
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2:40PM on 07/12/2013
Never liked her. Annoying actress. Only semi hot back in the mid 90s.
Never liked her. Annoying actress. Only semi hot back in the mid 90s.
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+23
12:32PM on 07/12/2013
Love the idea of Report Card column.
Love the idea of Report Card column.
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