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Hottie Report Card: Zoe Saldana

Aug. 1, 2014by: Salacious Crumb

Talking raccoons and houseplants will likely be stealing the #1 spot at the box office this weekend, and believe or not, we couldn't be happier. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY looks like it may in fact be refreshingly rebellious Marvel movie we were all hoping for, or at least it might make an entertaining couple of hours in an air-conditioned room. You're gonna need all you can get, too, with a lean, green Zoe Saldana occupying the screen. After AVATAR and STAR TREK, is there any doubt that Zoe's aiming to be remembered as the Sci-Fi Babe of the Century? I think not. Then again, I suppose she only stands a chance if she's viewed as a hottie by the masses. So let's put on our Vulcan thinking caps and get down to Vulcan business, shall we?

From the get-go, I've always found Zoe very attractive. Granted the first time I really noticed her, she was blue and resembled a cat. That said, there is some sort of mystical feline-type quality to her. With a straight face, you may think Zoe is a super serious or "all business", but her smile immediately shatters that image, and luckily she's been known to smile quite a bit.

To say I've never laid eyes on this particular behind would be a lie, and you'd know it, as Zoe has made it very difficult not to notice her buns in photoshoots and movies like THE LOSERS. Naturally, I feel inclined to give her some extra points for presentation alone, but in general, she's got a nice ass. If anything, she could add more meat to her thighs, but if I get any more picky you might think I'm preparing her like a rotisserie chicken.

I'm slightly on the fence in regards to Zoe's progress in this subject. On the one hand, yeah, there's not a whole hell of a lot to go jumping for joy about. On the other hand, Zoe has been quoted saying "I wouldn't mind buying myself a pair of breasts before I die" (source). I don't know, I personally think I would favor Zoe with her smaller, natural breasts. It's not like they don't work for her in the meantime, plus she's been known to sport some nice cleavage from time to time. That's not to say breast implants aren't right for anybody. They make an excellent graduation gift.

Since she was a teen actress, Zoe has made a transition from being skinny to being tone, then from being tone to being extremely hot. I don't think anyone needs any convincing of that fact. Never will I pass up an opportunity to see a half-naked Zoe Saldana whenever the promise of it is teased in a movie trailer, and hopefully filmmakers won't stop asking her bare midriff to come to work.

With credits in movies like GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, AVATAR, STAR TREK, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and THE LOSERS, it's practically impossible not to dig this woman's career, especially if you're a typical movie fan. If that weren't enough, she even plays a Trekkie herself in THE TERMINAL, making her a fanboy's ultimate drool factory. Of course, there's also her involvement with films like the American remake of DEATH AT A FUNERAL, CROSSROADS and GUESS WHO, which aren't as impressive. In any case, Zoe definitely seems to be heading on the right track. Let's just hope her career lives long and prospers.

It may just be the fact that she's starred in all those cool movies I mentioned above, but I've got a pretty big crush on Zoe (don't tell the principal). For one, she's a pretty damned good actress for someone who specializes in playing fantasy characters. Zoe takes her roles seriously, but life, not so much. It's that same rebellious attitude that attracts me to Gamora from GUARDIANS. While she appears to be a fun person who likes to laugh, she's also easy-going and not too overwhelming with excitement in conversations. In other words, she's not likely to give you a headache, unless you start a conversation with her in the Na'vi or Klingon language. Then you're f*cked.

Extra Tidbit: How would you grade this hottie, professor?

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3:46AM on 08/05/2014
A++
A++
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2:01PM on 08/04/2014
A's across the board for me.
A's across the board for me.
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3:07PM on 08/02/2014
I would have said B to B+ personally but I can live w/ this.
I would have said B to B+ personally but I can live w/ this.
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6:43AM on 08/02/2014

Your Kidding Right?

Skinny as hell does not merit an A for fitness.
Because she likes to show it, doesnt make her ass a B+. I like her roles & cant deny that her career is going good but she a C+, B-
Skinny as hell does not merit an A for fitness.
Because she likes to show it, doesnt make her ass a B+. I like her roles & cant deny that her career is going good but she a C+, B-
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1:01AM on 08/02/2014
Blue, green, Ahura... she is great in all three sci-fi roles
Blue, green, Ahura... she is great in all three sci-fi roles
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+0
11:13PM on 08/01/2014

beautiful

Zoe is very, very beautiful. All the 'skinny' comments are why women have body issues. Zoe's a beautiful woman. No doubt.
Zoe is very, very beautiful. All the 'skinny' comments are why women have body issues. Zoe's a beautiful woman. No doubt.
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6:38PM on 08/01/2014

She is cute

She looks good in Guardians and Star Trek.
She looks good in Guardians and Star Trek.
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6:17PM on 08/01/2014
I've honestly never found her really attractive - apart from in GotG. Don't know what that says about me, but the green skin and all that - it was a turn-on.
I've honestly never found her really attractive - apart from in GotG. Don't know what that says about me, but the green skin and all that - it was a turn-on.
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3:37PM on 08/01/2014

Not attractive in the least

Bony and not a good actor either. I LOL at Guardians of the Galaxy trying to make her seem sexy in some of the ads.
Bony and not a good actor either. I LOL at Guardians of the Galaxy trying to make her seem sexy in some of the ads.
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3:23PM on 08/01/2014
I guess she's hot if you're into that whole "wiry female Kenyan marathon runner" look.
I guess she's hot if you're into that whole "wiry female Kenyan marathon runner" look.
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+1
3:17PM on 08/01/2014
Too skinny for me. B
Too skinny for me. B
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2:24PM on 08/01/2014
I just don't understand the fascination people seem to have with Zoe. I don't find her very attractive and she is way too skinny. As for her acting I haven't seen much of her work so I can't really comment there.
I just don't understand the fascination people seem to have with Zoe. I don't find her very attractive and she is way too skinny. As for her acting I haven't seen much of her work so I can't really comment there.
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2:19PM on 08/01/2014
B+ is very generous for such a saggy looking booty. Overall, she's a C. Very average.
B+ is very generous for such a saggy looking booty. Overall, she's a C. Very average.
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6:35PM on 08/02/2014
"Such a saggy looking booty", what on earth are you talking about??? There is absolutely no sag to her butt at all, and not only could a blind man see that, but he could also feel it as well, if given the chance. I honestly have no clue who you were looking at when you made that assessment, but it couldn't have been Zoe Saldana. Just look at those photos she recently did for Woman's Health magazine, and you will see that is a completely tight and perky butt, if ever there was one. Hell, any
"Such a saggy looking booty", what on earth are you talking about??? There is absolutely no sag to her butt at all, and not only could a blind man see that, but he could also feel it as well, if given the chance. I honestly have no clue who you were looking at when you made that assessment, but it couldn't have been Zoe Saldana. Just look at those photos she recently did for Woman's Health magazine, and you will see that is a completely tight and perky butt, if ever there was one. Hell, any photos or any of her movies show exactly the same thing. If you want to give her butt a lower grade, then pick something somewhat reasonable like saying it is too small, or something else that is subjective to individual preference, but you can't just say it should have a lower grade because it is too saggy, when that is so clearly not the case. That's like me saying her butt should be given a lower grade because its too huge, because both are equally ridiculous.
2:10PM on 08/01/2014
If you ask me her face is an A, and that amazing butt of hers is definitely an A+. Her ass might not be big, but it looks amazing with the rest of her perfect body, and she has presented it very well on many occasions, especially most recently for Women's Health Magazine. The same goes for her boobs, they aren't big, but how could that matter when they look so good with that flawless body? If she had bigger boobs then I doubt she would be so inclined to go braless all them time, and that would
If you ask me her face is an A, and that amazing butt of hers is definitely an A+. Her ass might not be big, but it looks amazing with the rest of her perfect body, and she has presented it very well on many occasions, especially most recently for Women's Health Magazine. The same goes for her boobs, they aren't big, but how could that matter when they look so good with that flawless body? If she had bigger boobs then I doubt she would be so inclined to go braless all them time, and that would mean no more getting to see those sexy pokies, and honestly, who wants that?. So again, if you ask me her boobs are amazing, and they go perfectly with her fit petite little body, and that makes them at least an A in my book. I also think her career should be an A-, but I agree with her grades on fitness and personality. All in all, in my opinion the woman is gorgeous and insanely sexy, with one hell of a killer body. Or at least her body was killer before she got pregnant. I can only hope it will get back to that way shortly after she gives birth.
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-1
1:29PM on 08/01/2014
This writers crazy!!! Her face is an A. Overall A !!!
This writers crazy!!! Her face is an A. Overall A !!!
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1:28PM on 08/01/2014
So overrated. B- at best. And that's being generous.
So overrated. B- at best. And that's being generous.
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12:20PM on 08/01/2014
I'd give her ass B+ and boobs A-. Overall, A for me.
I'd give her ass B+ and boobs A-. Overall, A for me.
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12:17PM on 08/01/2014
There is no way her ass is a B when you give flat booty bitches an A. You just can't give credit where credit is due. Biased SOB. if I didn't like information on movies you guys put out I would have left this borderline racist site a long time ago.
There is no way her ass is a B when you give flat booty bitches an A. You just can't give credit where credit is due. Biased SOB. if I didn't like information on movies you guys put out I would have left this borderline racist site a long time ago.
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3:50AM on 08/05/2014
Well, I guess if the people art Joblo are racist because they like white chicks then I guess we're racist for prefering girls like Zoe.
Well, I guess if the people art Joblo are racist because they like white chicks then I guess we're racist for prefering girls like Zoe.
12:02PM on 08/01/2014
A's all across the board in my opinion. Woman is amazing and gorgeous.
A's all across the board in my opinion. Woman is amazing and gorgeous.
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