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I'd Still Pick Jess

May. 7, 2010by: Cherry Liquor
I had a debate not just the other day with a friend of mine and you have to understand that we're both pretty screwed up individuals with dirty minds, so the question came down to whether we'd do the "fat" Jessica Simpson or the pre-nose job sister Ashlee Simpson instead. Some ground rules needed to be laid out. Was Ashlee going to attempt to lip sync the wrong moans during the f*ckery? Was going down on Jessica required and if so, was it before or after she'd done a stage work-out in her mom jeans? Did it mean that we had to say that by proxy we'd f*cked John Mayer or Pete Wentz?

In the end, I still had to go with Jessica because she's just always had the better rack, but man... I love my weird ass friends. How else would I know just how gross I'm willing to be for the sake of approximating something that will never happen?

Click on each photo to enlarge!

Source: IDLYITW

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11:22PM on 05/09/2010
Don't care for blondes & prefer a woman with an IQ higher than their cup size.
Don't care for blondes & prefer a woman with an IQ higher than their cup size.
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5:08AM on 05/09/2010
She's fat in all the right places as far as I'm concerned.
She's fat in all the right places as far as I'm concerned.
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7:38PM on 05/07/2010

Pretty f'ed up...

Anyone calls her physique "fat"
Anyone calls her physique "fat"
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4:29PM on 05/07/2010
She still has it.
She still has it.
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2:55PM on 05/07/2010
Now that's how you flaunt your stuff
Now that's how you flaunt your stuff
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9:07AM on 05/07/2010
Just a bit a nip slip in that first photo.
Just a bit a nip slip in that first photo.
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8:29AM on 05/07/2010
I still don't care for her. Her whole natural is beautiful campaign is so phony.
I still don't care for her. Her whole natural is beautiful campaign is so phony.
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10:21AM on 05/07/2010
Geesh...you don't like Olivia Munn....Megan Fox, or Jessica Simpson....I really think you need to go to dudehotties.com. That site seems to be more for you, considering you don't know a beautiful woman when you see one.
Geesh...you don't like Olivia Munn....Megan Fox, or Jessica Simpson....I really think you need to go to dudehotties.com. That site seems to be more for you, considering you don't know a beautiful woman when you see one.
+3
8:06AM on 05/07/2010
I've never been a fan of hers, but she does have a rocking, curvy body--especially now. And if this is today's definition of "fat", then I weep for our society's standards.
I've never been a fan of hers, but she does have a rocking, curvy body--especially now. And if this is today's definition of "fat", then I weep for our society's standards.
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