Kate Upton's classy boobs will help cure AIDS

The amfAR party that goes on every year in France while everyone is drunk on their own happy pretentiousness at the Cannes Film Festival, serves to get pretty people into pretty dresses to blare to the media that they're charging a crapton of money per plate of food that most of those in attendance aren't even going to eat. Sure, Kate Upton is one of those few models who will probably have a bite or two, but mainly I think the 19-year old model (her 20th birthday is coming up this June 10th) goes for the alcoholic beverages that her fame is allowing her to indulge in while under... wait, in France, they don't care if toddlers are given wine at dinner. Her breasts are awesome. I think the cure for most diseases is located within them. I think she should offer breast access to every person who is sick, including those of us with sinus headaches, sniffles, stubbed toes, and hangnails. Yeah, that's the ticket.

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