The Sexy Six: Disney Hotties
This last Monday was Walt Disney's birthday and while he's not synonymous with sexiness and his contributions to world culture are not really considered hot, his legacy has certainly brought a bunch of sultry animated babes to our collective conscience. Let's skip the whole "Is it normal?" debate and go straight to the hand drawn curves that no matter how two-dimensional they are they still manage to provide me with one hell of an animated boner.
Let's start with a bit of an exotic flavor with the underrated Esmeralda from THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME, you damn well know she can move her rump and turn any priest into a sinner, that shoulder baring blouse tends to help as well, she's the closest thing you'd get to a stripper in a Disney movie (I'm still questioning whose bright idea was to make Victor Hugo's tale of revolution and social strife into a musical animated film... but I digress). Even if Esmeralda's moves were stiff and clumsy (like my penis) she'd still be one hot and sassy gypsy.
Let's not talk about the fact that Ariel is the youngest girl in today's list but c'mon, no one can deny that they've stared a little too much into those blue seashells. Besides, we're still talking about a cartoon character here, a half fish, half human character that got married 3 days after selling her soul to a sea witch and trying to convince her prince to give her a true love's kiss, all without the ability to speak. I'm pretty sure the rules have been thrown out the door and to be fair THE LITTLE MERMAID is based on a German fairytale, which means she's totally legal in said context. So without beating around the bush, when you have the hottest red hair and the only thing you're wearing is a couple of conchs to cover your boobs, you bet your fishy ass you'll be turning some heads.
You cannot do a "Sexy Cartoon" countdown and not include Jessica Rabbit. The ultimate animated bombshell from WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? is pretty much every guy's fantasy in animated form, from Kathleen Turner's femme fatale voice to her sultry demeanor, that tight, very revealing dress and of course the huge tits. I have to admit I am not the biggest fan and that's why she's getting 4th place, she's a bit overrated, or should I say overdrawn, of course I wouldn't mind playing patty-cake with her if I was an animated rabbit.
The whole plot of ALADDIN revolves around the titular character's infatuation with Princess Jasmin, and who could blame him. The Arabian minx is full of curves and lascivious playfulness. Even when she was Jafar's love slave she didn't have any trouble turning on the sexy once it was needed to get the upper hand, even the Genie was left with his mouth wide open.
TARZAN's Jane is my all time favorite Disney lady but she's getting the #2 spot because this isn't called THE CUTEST SIX, so while we don't see the full extent of her sexiness we still get a lovely, prim and proper, lady who teases us with her potential sexiness during certain rain scenes where her hair is all messy-cute and you just know that a girl who gets all wet (because of the rain you pervs!) for a dude in a loincloth is just filled with all kinds of burning desires.
What? I like them petite! The only impediment Tinker Bell would have is her lack of stature but she's still very proportionate in all the right places. Just the fact that they based her liking to the one and only Marilyn Monroe (or so some say) makes it obvious they were going for the sexy! The sexually suggestive pixie even carries a somewhat bitchy attitude that just screams "good times in bed", a little sprinkle of her pixie dust and she'll make you fly.
If you didn't notice, most Disney creations follow a certain pattern of huge catlike sexy eyes with curved eyebrows, a cute button nose and luscious lips and they're often showing ample amounts of skin and Tinker Bell fills all these requirements to perfection and it is why I have chosen her to be the sexiest Disney animated character.
Thank you Walt.