The Top 10 Babes of Alien Invasion Movies
It's been 8 years since we all fell under the mysterious spell that those original CLOVERFIELD promos put on us. It was the first time since the word of mouth phenomenon that was THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT put the movie going audience in a thrall (long before the term "Spoiler Alert" came to dominate every single post about a new project) and it was great... until you watched the movie. For some, it was love. For others, a huge case of the shoulders shrugged. 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE
is taking the same approach, hoping to scare you through subtlety and the looming doom of John Goodman's ball sac sweat (that "butter" they put on your popcorn). While some might hate the film, all can agree that the alien invasion movie genre is supreme, as are the ladies in them.
Say what you will, Sarah Jessica Parker had her hot moments. I can't exactly say that MARS ATTACKS! is the best example of one such moment (I prefer SanDeE* best) but it certainly showed that while most people will go down remembering SJP for her "Sex & the City" character, she was more than just a neurotic New Yorker with a shoe fetish. Parker can be wildly funny when put in front of the right director with good material. And that body looked awesome even with a dog's head attached. (Insert your own inappropriate dog head comments if you must.)
So maybe you don't like nurse Sam. I have heard a few people complain about her character, even if she did stab that alien through the head to save
Moses. Perhaps some of you are going to notice that I really wanted to be able to include ATTACK THE BLOCK on a top ten list featuring alien invasion movies considering it's one of the only good ones from the genre to be released in recent years. Perhaps others will also concede that Whittaker is a good looking lady who isn't afraid to brag about her dance troupe
I don't know what happened to Bridget Moynahan's career after the ugly baby daddy drama that went down between her and whatshisface. OK, so I know that whatshisface's name is Mr. Bundchen, I still haven't fully processed why this lovely creature fell so low on the rungs of babedom that most people have forgotten her by now. By no means a great actress, I wouldn't say that Bridget is worse than Kate Beckinsale, who continues to book solid work. Thankfully for Keanu Reeves, who has never been one of those actors who needs the hottest or the youngest actresses by his side, Moynahan can be appreciated in the JOHN WICK movies as of late. (Oh, wait. She's been on a CBS dramatic series for the past 5 years, you say? That makes ALL
On the occasion, I hear people talk smack about Vivica. When she tried to call out former boyfriend 50 Cent regarding his sexuality, I saw it as funny and others lost their damn minds. While I agree with some that she didn't need the plastic surgery that she's had over the years, I still don't think that she's gone enough off the deep end to be considered unattractive by any means. And considering that she was one of the first hot strippers who never gets naked in a big production movie, I think Jessica Alba might want to give her a nod of thanks for making it possible in the first place.
I've tried to keep the majority of the ladies on this list the non-alien variety, but it can get tiresome to list those who pouted and preened before running and screaming, so I'm including Lara Flynn Boyle. Sure, in the sucky MEN IN BLACK II (I remember seeing the VHS of this movie on dollar store shelves for at least 5 years after it sold big and disappointed bigger) her character is an evil, shape-shifting, megalomaniacal alien queen but in that film we're also reminded of the tipping point where Boyle went from previously beautiful (she really was lovely at the start of her career, before all of the Hollywood mechanisms crushed her soul) to surgically scary.
Jordana Brewster has always been a lean lady, so it might be unfair to describe her was being far too thin in recent years, but she definitely has changed since dropping the baby fat of her late adolescence years, when she was crawling with alien grubs in THE FACULTY. At least she hasn't disappeared into oblivion like her co-star, Laura Harris, who is yet another one of those babes who hasn't gotten nearly the amount of work that she deserves in more recent years.
Before she became the ass kicking hunter on MTV's darkly addictive "Teen Wolf" series, Crystal Reed was scrabbling to get noticed. That's about the only explanation that anyone can give for appearing in the awfully bad SKYLINE (I tried to give it the so-bad-it's-good credit but I just couldn't), aside from needing to book a job after "Scrubs" was canceled. Reed doesn't get much to do in the film (no one does) other than scream and run but it definitely was a role she was noticed in. Now if only she'd book something other than back-from-the-dead work.
COWBOYS & ALIENS was a giant pile of caca, in my own humble opinion. Daniel Craig, while often saluted for being the best James Bond or the best stoic face of the middle aged British actor camp in the past 10 years, is decidedly overrated if you ask me. He certainly can't sell a movie - even one with a gorgeous, naked Olivia Wilde in it - without a franchise behind him. While some people herald Wilde for being beautiful (and others vehemently complain about her not being all that pretty), I think she's the opposite of Craig - poorly undersold for her ability to give a great performance.
Putting aside my trepidation over her love of my pants (do ad agencies specifically require her to be creepy in their promos?), Elizabeth Banks is one of the most solid actresses working today. She can do serious (having her opposite John Cusask in LOVE & MERCY saved those scenes because I could NOT buy him as Wilson AT ALL), she can do funny (insert just about any of the comedies she's ever been in) and lest we forget, she can make a grotesque love scene in a gory and bizarro James Gunn production seem believable. Haven't seen SLITHER? Go take care of that, pronto.
I had far fewer problems with AGE OF ULTRON than most others (I didn't think of the angle they took with Black Widow was sexist, if anything it was a great tribute to Whedon's love of women that he changed the film to accommodate Scarlett's real life pregnancy instead of recasting her as had been the norm even 20 years prior in similar situations) but I definitely loved THE AVENGERS better. More Loki, more Hulk whapping Loki about like a cat's play toy and definitely more badassedry from ScarJo. OK, so maybe I am
a little ticked about there not being more Black Widow merch for me to buy from AOU because of how awesome Scarlett is.