The Top 10 Hottest Babes of Jungle Movies
As much as I love me some Margot Robbie (and I love
me some Margot Robbie), I get the feeling that THE LEGEND OF TARZAN
is going to be a hearty bomb at the box office this weekend. Not sure if it will be the biggest bomb of the summer but with a budget of $180 million and a cast that hasn't proven itself to be a domineering cash cow, it's going to be one timid rumble in the jungle. That doesn't mean that it doesn't make good fodder for a top ten list, what with babes all sexy in dirty tank tops and the like being awesome for counting down.
Here's a little secret - I've never watched this movie. Not once, not even really interested. But because of the media saturation, I've glimpsed the behind-the-scenes videos and the movie stills more than most, which helps me to determine that if Zoe Saldana really were a blue alien living in the jungle, I'd wanna hook up my tail to hers.
When I was a little girl, I hoped that I could grow up to go back in time and wear vintage duds while screaming through the jungle with a sweaty, open-shirted Harrison Ford. I honestly thought that Capshaw was the epitome of old school glamour in the film, something that her director agreed with me on, considering that he turned Kate into his real-life bride not long after making the movie. I would have eaten the money brains though, because I'm hardcore like that.
Maybe I just love me some mermaids, maybe I'm a sucker for a delicately featured Spaniard. Whatever the case, I've been bummed that we haven't seen more of Astrid in big budget movies since she was plucked to be the counterpoint to Penelope Cruz's more aggressive female figure in the highly unnecessary fourth installation of the PIRATES franchise. If only people could've stopped paying money to watch Johnny Depp stumble about wearing too much eye makeup, we wouldn't have to tolerate the upcoming 5TH movie.
Alice Braga has a new show debuting on USA this summer called "Queen of the South," and boy do I hope it gives her a lucrative and high profile boost to her career. What a wholly unappreciated actress (and hottie) Braga has been over the past 10 years. Perhaps because she's so good at playing the tough chick it scares off the weak before they can see just how sexy she is, I'm not sure. But if I ever find myself trapped in the jungle, I want Alice with me for more than just protection.
I might have been biased toward loving Jessica Lange's version of the damsel in distress, big ape movie but I can't deny that out of everything that goes right (and very, very wrong) in Peter Jackson's version of KING KONG, Watts is the best of the flesh and blood. Naomi has always been a consistent actress but in this film she was allowed to show off just how femme fatale gorgeous she is.
Long before everything that went into the batter to cook up the JLo, Jenny from the Block, overhyped mess that is Jennifer Lopez today, there was a time when the actress/dancer/singer seemed a whole lot hungrier, especially in 1997 with that giant snake headed in her direction. I miss the Jennifer of that time period, when the acting was still subpar but diva attitude and salary demands were reasonable.
She spends more time indoors than she does in the wild artificial jungle created for this immense, CGI dinosaur inhabited island, but Bryce Dallas Howard looks better here than she has in most of her other movies, which is saying a lot considering that she's beautiful nearly 100% of the time. Then again, perhaps I was just swayed in my awe of watching her run in those high heels.
This is one of those ambitious movies that never really stood a chance, perhaps because they cast a Latina to play a Malaysian (albeit a mixed one), and while Jessica Alba in her 21-year old nubile glory looks lush-lipped and gorgeous, you still can't get a decent nude scene from her (those boobs are nice but they're not hers). So if you have a strong ability to suspend disbelief, you might get a good kick out of this muddled jungle flick.
I feel as if I've used this movie recently... oh, yes. Rosario Dawson is obviously one of our favorite babes. She's busty, funny, nerdy and cool, the quad-fecta of perfect babedom, and not only is she one of the hottest women in all of the movies Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has made, she's up there as one of the hottest babes you'd be lucky enough to stumble across in the jungle.
I mentioned in a post last week that I hadn't gotten around to watching GREASE LIVE!. I finally did, perhaps prompted by my own admission and while it was mainly a squeaky clean version of what was once a tongue-in-cheek, wink and nod to the dirty side of sock hops, man, Vanessa Hudgens was the bomb. It made me realize how many times she was a complete professional, even when the material wasn't exactly worth the effort, including the sloppy sequel to the reboot of that cheesy 1950's adaptation of Verne's work. Hudgens is too sexy for all of these pristine jobs. Bring on the crunchy stuff, she can handle it.