The Top 10 Hotties of Olympic Movies
I should preface this by stating that I'm really stretching it to have a top 10 this week. Sure, there are a good number of Olympic movies out there, including this week's new release, EDDIE THE EAGLE
, but so many of them are a total sausage fest that it was impossible to find 10 women who fit the bill for this topic. I was actually amazed that there weren't ten because I could think of 5 off the top of my head without issue. I think this is a great opportunity for the women of power in Hollywood to create some more movies about female Olympians because insipid bromance movies replicated with female leads is passe. Attack the underdog stories now, ladies!
I warned you I was going to be stretching this top ten!! If I was constructing a top ten revolving around my favorite Olympic movies, COOL RUNNINGS would be number one. Sure, it's heavily altered from the true story that it's based on but it has the older, more subdued and mature John Candy and a cast of 4 attractive, entertaining men in tight bodysuits. Feel the rhythm, people. You know you're OK with me putting these brothers on the list.
Strangely, there were two movies about Olympic runner Steve Prefontaine released in the late '90's. This wasn't exactly the most well-known subject matter and while the Jared Leto version is better, Billy Crudup looked more like the runner and WITHOUT LIMITS had forgotten '90's beauty, Monica Potter in its cast. Yes, I'm aware that she's had a healthy career on TV in recent years but not in anything that I've been willing to sit through.
I recall catching AMERICAN ANTHEM on some cable channel when I was a little kid, all drippy 1980's hair metal love songs and far too much leg spreading in the floor routines completed by healthy blonde babe Janet Jones. While most of you probably haven't seen the movie (I can only recommend watching the YouTube synopsis version) and are unaware that the male lead, Mitch Gaylord, was an actual former Olympic athlete, you'll probably recall who Janet went on to marry and procreate with - actual Olympic hockey competitor, Wayne Gretzky.
I'm surprised that this 1982 movie is still such a warmly embraced empowerment film by my lesbian friends. Watching the horribly dated film, centering around two female Olympic runners who were unable to compete in 1980 when the US boycotted the Olympics, is a painful reminder that the topic of women being in love is still primarily a source of titillation. Hemingway has been such a strikingly different beauty that it made sense to feature her in what was once a trailblazing film (the sex isn't explicit but the showering scene closeups can give even the most open minded people the skeevs) that you can overlook most of what's wrong, if you squint.
I don't know how many people paid attention to Karoline Herfurth in the Oscar nominated movie, THE READER, but the pretty, freckled German darling has been wowing audiences since her blazing performance in 2002's BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY. You probably have never heard of BERLIN '36, mainly because it's a German flick (and I watch foreign movies like a damn dork, so yeah) but the story of a Jewish high jumper being kicked off the German Olympic team by the Nazis in 1936 is a great watch... especially when you find out that she ended up replaced by a male athlete in drag.
This is not an Olympic movie. I know this. I don't care. If you ask me which movie about gymnastics can hold my attention, it's STICK IT, and not just because it has a bunch of cute chicks in painted-on leotards. Missy Peregrym is such a babe, fun and frisky and loaded with sick abs, I'm still shocked that she's not a bigger household name.
When I was trying to find out a little bit more about Lily James right at the start of the CINDERELLA phenomenon (seriously, it was the 9th highest grossing film for 2015, pretty damned impressive considering the competition), I sought out 2012's FAST GIRLS, a film about British sprinters who battle amongst themselves with none of the fun lesbian shenanigans of PERSONAL BEST. James' insanely fit figure is eye-popping, making it nearly as impressive as CINDERELLA's take and showing that all those naysayers complaining that the waistline in the movie posters was Photoshopped were delusional.
One of my favorite girlie movies of all time, I still quote moments from THE CUTTING EDGE to this day. If someone trips, I trill "Toe Pick!" If I meet anyone named Doug, I chuck out a lousy Russian-accented "Douglas Dorsey." I never understood why Moira Kelly's career went the way of the dodo bird when she's so cute, perky and utterly charming, even when playing a bitch. I'd love to see that ass in the air, even 24 years later.
Before he was playing a pretty lady with some major health issues, Jared Leto was that ice-blue eyed darling of the '90's that all of us chicks fell in love with. Not only is PREFONTAINE the better of the two films released in the late '90's about runner Steve Prefontaine, Leto makes it a beautiful thing to behold, even in that horrible Burt Reynolds mustache. Leto is so pretty in this, I've made him an honorary lady for the top ten. (Also, I did
mention that this topic is strangely difficult to flesh out to ten.)
This movie never states that it's about the Olympics but then again, this movie is one of the worst "comedies" that I've ever paid $2 to see at a second run theater. And I've seen a lot of crappy movies at second run theaters. Other than one scene where they have her seductively licking ice cream and the more famous one of her in lingerie, the people behind BLADES OF GLORY totally waste Jenna Fischer. So I'm giving her a number one placement for being such a sport about the whole ordeal.