Top 10 Memorable Hottie Moments of 2013
When the year comes to a close, one can't help but feel inspired to look back on the events that have taken place over the past 12 months, what we've gained, and what we've lost. Sadly, in the world of MovieHotties, we've actually lost
a fair share in 2013, what with Girls Gone Wild gone bankrupt
and the downsizing of Angelina Jolie's boobies
. That said, there has been a considerable number of great
things to come out of 2013, as well! Why don't we have ourselves a gander at some of them right now? Here are our Top 10 Memorable Moments of 2013
I suppose this is somewhat of a sick, twisted way to kick this thing off, but we all remember the act of model Bar Refaeli
locking lips with the GoDaddy nerd (Jesse Heiman), almost too vividly. This commercial, which aired during the Superbowl, caused a stir in the media because… oh, who knows? Probably because it drove so many of us schmoes legally insane with envy, especially because it didn't stop there. This dorkwad of dorkwads went on to tongue-wrestle with Maria Menounos
, Jenny McCarthy
and many others. I still have yet to decide whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. Still, it was a memorable moment, so it should appear somewhere
on this list.
Who doesn't remember that awkward moment when famed sportscaster Brent Musburger got distracted by Katherine Webb's blaring ray of beauty? You'd have to, because the media practically shoved it down our throats. This event may not go down in history, but it was kind of a big deal for a couple weeks. Soon after, Webb was featured in the 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, so clearly, she didn't mind the attention. She also went on to participate in the first season of the celebrity-reality diving show "Splash", but decided to leave the series early. There's no telling why Katherine put an end to her own 15 minutes of fame, but it was fun while it lasted.
What a way to go out just before getting hitched and impregnated a few months later. Jennifer Love Hewitt started the year off ever so sweetly with yet another superfluously sexualized promo for her show "The Client List", which was recently canceled. While the show may have sucked, J-Love certainly didn't seem to shy away wearing racy outfits on it. That especially goes for this promo, which was shown in movie theaters all across the country. Just when you thought taking your kids to see ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH in 3-D was going to be a painful friday evening, you're treated with an old-school hottie exploiting her greatest assets. Of course, I'm referring to Jennifer's beautiful vocals.
What lovely vocals, indeed.
Just in case you hadn't figured that out already. We all want to believe that being the funny guy can get you laid just as much as being a shirtless frolfer. Whether or not that's true, Jason Sudeikis is one lucky S.O.B. His fiancé, Olivia Wilde, may be beautiful and talented, but she also took him to a strip joint for their anniversary
"Olivia booked the private champagne room with two dancers. She took Jason inside, and while he wasn’t allowed to touch the dancers, she could touch them. They were in there for two hours, Olivia picked up the entire tab. Jason is a lucky guy.'"
So there you have it, folks. Olivia Wilde is the real Santa Claus.
Has there every been a sillier fuss made over two seconds of film in cinematic history? To be fair, I'm a STAR WARS guy, and I didn't think a flash of ladies' undergarments could ruin the integrity of a STAR TREK movie (especially when it was much more apparent in the 2010 film). However, I think the fact that Alice Eve received so much attention over this only makes this scene stick out even more. It also marks the first on-record intentional lens flare off of a bra in a feature film, thanks to visionary director J.J. Abrams.
I've gotta tip my hat to the folks over at Maxim
magazine for taking a different approach with their cover girls lately. Instead of sticking to the usual goulash of A-listers and whoever's relevant to the movies, they started pulling out hotties we'd almost forgotten about (and probably would have, if it weren't for them). Of course, Lacey Chabert
, Elisha Cuthbert
and even Taylor Momsen
were featured this year, but the one that really caught us off guard is "Boy Meets World" star Danielle Fishel
. Topanga, or not Topanga?
It's funny how something so simple can make such a huge impact on a shcmoe's week. Jessica Alba had a rough 2012, but between the return of her epic beach booty and her left breast slipping out of her shirt on a hot summer day, this was definitely a comeback year for her. I know she played the Invisible Woman, but I had no idea the padding on her bra was invisible, too. I want that action figure.
Enjoy classic pin-up models? Enjoy Gemma Arterton? Then look no further! It's Gemma Arterton in "Being Betty Page", a fun, classy and of course, inconceivably sexy tribute to Betty Page for LOVE magazine. This moment flew right by my radar when it first occurred, and seemed to come out of nowhere. I first noticed it when it was posted on Movie Fan Central by WalkAway, and it was love at first sight. I guess that's what the magazine was going for, huh?
As if global warming wasn't a big enough issue as it is. I suppose we shouldn't surprised by Kate Upton's monstrous mounds of mayhem stomping into our territory, kicking ass and taking names this year. After 2012, Kate had quite a reputation to live up to. So how did she top herself? Well, by sailing out to Antarctica for her Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit Issue cover shoot, of course! This was the first time an elaborate bikini photoshoot had ever been attempted on the continent, and it wasn't an easy task. Kate has expressed the pain and torture she underwent being half-naked in the freezing cold, but luckily, she had two large igloos attached to her body.
If you have a mind like ours, you probably enjoy yourself some Kelly Brook. Sure, the British brunette has plenty of nude-tastic moments under her belt as it is. But the more we grow to love her, deeper into the shadows they hide. At least I thought that little haiku was true until this glorious day, when Kelly exploded with dozens upon dozens of fantastical topless photos from the beaches of Cancun, Mexico. Who'da thunk we'd get to see Kelly do what she does best during her very own vacation? This is most certainly one of the greatest things that happened in 2013, and probably in the history of mankind.