I mean other than the paparazzi, although Alec seems to enjoy roughhousing with them as well. No, the real playground is growing all over his wife Hilaria's chest following the birth of their kid. The 28-year-old yoga instructor was already fairly well stacked before the kid, but now that it's out in the world and in need of nourishment, wonderful things have started to pop out everywhere. So nice of Hilaria to let everyone in a 12 block radius see how fully stocked her natural baby food supplies are. Alec is a total nut job and already had a shitty track record with relationships, so I hold out little hope that this one will last any longer than any of his others. The guy is also 55-years-old, which means he qualifies for an AARP membership and the senior menu at Denny's. Yet despite those advanced years, he's spent most of his time being a smug, hot-headed, hypocritical asshole. Not only has he not figured out how to keep his shit together, but he's also completely clueless about the extraordinarily poor chances of success associated with marrying and having a kid with your 20-something yoga instructor. Good news for Hilaria down the road when Alec proves too crazy to live with and takes half his fortune. Bad news for the next generation of thoughtless little pigs.
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