Scarlett Johansson has got a sexy new spread in Chinese Vogue next month, which starts out slow but picks up in intensity toward the end. I still like Scarlett. She remains a fairly hot little number, but she seems to have lost something in the last few years. I'm trying to put my finger on what exactly is missing...oh wait, I know - HER HUGE TITS! Where did they go?
That epic bewbage was 3/4ths of what made her the big name she became just a few short years ago. Everybody has a memory of her in that Oscar dress with those massive mammaries all pushed up and prominent, getting felt up by gay fashion designers. How there's just a big empty space there that's not really big at all. In fact, it's much smaller now. Why do this to us, Scarlett? Your expansive chesticles were a valued natural resource. Now we seem to have entered a time of peak bewbage, when stocks are declining and no one is sure what will happen.
Scarlett, you've got to find new resources for the replenishment of your cleavage reserves. Otherwise, we're going to have to seek out alternative funbag resources.