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Mayer Misses Jess?

Jul. 11, 2008by: Cherry Liquor

Since I am of the opinion that John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are one of the most boring couples out there, I've got to keep mentioning the stuff from his previous big-name relationship, that with Jessica Simpson. Hell, he might be a douchebag (I have come to the conclusion that he would like to think of himself as the next Eric Clapton, getting the douchebag part down but still falling far short of the talent part) but there was something amusing about him and Jess together. Call it a "deserving" union.

Anyhow, the rumour going around now is that Jennifer Aniston (yawn) found a bunch of love letters that Jessica had written to John back during their hot-and-heavy days. Supposedly the musician was keeping them in his guitar case, which is the closest thing to his black little heart. Said a source, "Jennifer was more hurt than angry at the discovery. The letters surprisingly were very touching and well written."

I don't know if I can believe it or not, considering that they mention the letters being "well-written." But I'm going to err on the side of WTF and think they meant penmanship. Ah, two dumb whores (formerly) in love. Gets me every time.

Source: Page Six

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1:47PM on 07/14/2008
well women have to have those qualities in dudes. I've already found one. :)
well women have to have those qualities in dudes. I've already found one. :)
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11:55AM on 07/14/2008
I can think of like a crap load more chicks that are hotter and possibly more intelligent. I guess I would want the whole package thing, but in the end if I couldn't get it I'd settle for this.

I'm glad I'm not a guy but at the same time I gotta find all those qualities in a dude.
I can think of like a crap load more chicks that are hotter and possibly more intelligent. I guess I would want the whole package thing, but in the end if I couldn't get it I'd settle for this.

I'm glad I'm not a guy but at the same time I gotta find all those qualities in a dude.
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8:26AM on 07/14/2008
Uh, I see what she can offer. And it's not "just sex". It's sex with a bonerfied hottie. But even if you take that away, she's still a great site for sore eyes. Based on looks alone, she's outstanding. Great rack....great bod....great bewbs....great body....fantastic titties....and a pretty killer face to boot. But yeah, I could see how you'd hate her, with the ditzyness and terrible career. But oh well, I dont watch her for that stuff. Just the looks alone.
Uh, I see what she can offer. And it's not "just sex". It's sex with a bonerfied hottie. But even if you take that away, she's still a great site for sore eyes. Based on looks alone, she's outstanding. Great rack....great bod....great bewbs....great body....fantastic titties....and a pretty killer face to boot. But yeah, I could see how you'd hate her, with the ditzyness and terrible career. But oh well, I dont watch her for that stuff. Just the looks alone.
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5:27PM on 07/13/2008
Thank you sooo much for indirectly identifying Eric Clapton as a douchebag. I've gotten in more arguments over that man's douchebaggery than I can care to remember. Him and Led Zeppelin. But that's another article, another day.
Thank you sooo much for indirectly identifying Eric Clapton as a douchebag. I've gotten in more arguments over that man's douchebaggery than I can care to remember. Him and Led Zeppelin. But that's another article, another day.
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1:28PM on 07/13/2008
lol well since we're both from Texas I'll call her on my cell and send her over after the wife leaves...

and you'll have to tell her what to do after the fact because she needs a lot of directions. :)
lol well since we're both from Texas I'll call her on my cell and send her over after the wife leaves...

and you'll have to tell her what to do after the fact because she needs a lot of directions. :)
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11:54PM on 07/12/2008
Sold! Ah...but could you send her on over AFTER my wife goes to work...I don't think things would go over very well otherwise. HA!

You're alright B-kiddo, alright.
Sold! Ah...but could you send her on over AFTER my wife goes to work...I don't think things would go over very well otherwise. HA!

You're alright B-kiddo, alright.
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8:41PM on 07/12/2008
lol well hey just because i'm not into her, and if i were a dude i wouldnt be into her...

but she's all yours hon.
lol well hey just because i'm not into her, and if i were a dude i wouldnt be into her...

but she's all yours hon.
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5:02PM on 07/12/2008

Blow Up Doll...

Not quite a blow up doll.

As for the blowjob in the dark alley by Jess? 95% of the men polled stated they would go for that. The other 5% lied.
Not quite a blow up doll.

As for the blowjob in the dark alley by Jess? 95% of the men polled stated they would go for that. The other 5% lied.
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12:51PM on 07/12/2008
so a blow up doll?

hell whatever tickles your fancy. But if she offers you a blow job in a dark alley I'm sure most would take it.
so a blow up doll?

hell whatever tickles your fancy. But if she offers you a blow job in a dark alley I'm sure most would take it.
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11:17AM on 07/12/2008

Missing Jess?

Mayer missing Jess? Hell, I miss Jess and I've never met her! She does need to ditch the whole "glitz and glamor" look as in the pic above and stay with the "girl next door" look that she strutted proudly in the "Dukes" days.

As for what she has to offer anyone...I'll not even reply with an answer to that question for it insults every man in the worlds intelligence and libido. I will just say this briefly, she lacks only 2 things from being the perfect woman...being deaf and dumb! Deaf
Mayer missing Jess? Hell, I miss Jess and I've never met her! She does need to ditch the whole "glitz and glamor" look as in the pic above and stay with the "girl next door" look that she strutted proudly in the "Dukes" days.

As for what she has to offer anyone...I'll not even reply with an answer to that question for it insults every man in the worlds intelligence and libido. I will just say this briefly, she lacks only 2 things from being the perfect woman...being deaf and dumb! Deaf so she wouldn't have to hear YOU
bitch and dumb so you wouldn't have to hear her bitch. That' pretty much it.
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7:20PM on 07/11/2008
I can't see what she possibly has to offer anyone...

and don't say sex, you can get that from someone better than her...if ur a celebrity, no i take that back, if ur anyone.
I can't see what she possibly has to offer anyone...

and don't say sex, you can get that from someone better than her...if ur a celebrity, no i take that back, if ur anyone.
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6:47PM on 07/11/2008
"well written", that's good humor
"well written", that's good humor
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