Shawn Johnson's athletic legs hoof it over to the KIIS FM Jingle Ball

Four years ago, while I was busy worrying that America might end up under another Republican regime, most people were cheering on Michael Phelps and in the case of my my friend Carl, looking up as many images of the young, boyishly figured female gymnasts as they leaped about in their sparkly spandex uniforms, his favorite of which was Shawn Johnson. Imagine Carl watching the Olympics with the intensity of a boy who discovers sexy-sexy from anime. Imagine pervy ol' Carl's happiness when Shawn showed up on the 8th season of "Dancing with the Stars" in 2009. (Blame Carl for getting Shawn the win that year, the amount of campaigning for a f*cking dancing show was pure insanity.) Picture Carl's sadness as he learned that Johnson had torn her ACL, one of the most serious injuries for any athlete in any sport, while on a skiing trip in early 2010. Think about all the hits to the search engines Carl made, tracking her recovery and potential for making a reappearance in the 2012 games. Understand that I have smacked Carl on the back of the head more times for the fact that this has been an all consuming passion for him and yet the asshat has never voted in a Presidential election. Then wonder why the hell I'm posting this for Carl. Not sure if that makes me a loyal friend or a baffling idiot. Or both. Yeah, both.

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