I don't know who Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome is here, but I don't trust him. He's far too close to the lovely Sofia Vergara for my comfort and if he knows what's good for him, Gorgeous McDouche Douche will never go near her again, or else I'll have to put him in a corner…and no one puts him in a corner. What? Anyway, here's Sofia is at the 38th annual Hampton Classic Horse Show. This sounds like one of those events that my mom would drag me to on a Sunday afternoon after church and brunch. It'd be boring and lame. So, the fact that Sofia is into this kind of stuff makes me sad, but it also makes me realize that maybe it's time for me to be a little more dignified; a little more of a gentleman. I'll start eating deviled eggs and playing golf and shit. Then, all I have to do is buy a shirt from Ralph Lauren and BAM! She will be mine. Oh, yes. She will. Be mine.
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