Oh, Tatum. You could've been the hottest cougar to make a comeback. I never gave up hope on you, even after I heard that you made a play for Michael Jackson back when you were little kids. No one knew back then what we know now. And you were young and tainted by a father who hated that you won an Oscar instead of him. You never had a chance!
But I still am disappointed to hear about the arrest made on Sunday in which you were caught trying to buy coke and crack. Two years of sobriety from your alcohol and heroin addictions and now you're on the street drugs? Do I really need to come lecture you about the loving nature and multiple positive medicinal benefits of the herb? No... wait. Then the pundits would keep up that whole "gateway drug" bullshit.
But what bugs me even more is that you played it off thinking that the cops would buy your excuse that your attempted purchase of narcotics was because you were researching a role. I'm sorry, but would that be for FAB FIVE: THE TEXAS CHEERLEADER SCANDAL? Honey, honey, honey... those girls only do crank. See how the n can make it a whole different world? Do we need to get you treated for a reading disorder as well?