In case you haven't noticed, we enjoy ourselves some Kelly Brook on this site (she's even featured in the header for this column). From what we've gathered, the majority of you guys dig her as well. So naturally, when I discovered Kelly's 34th birthday was coming up this Saturday, November 23rd, I wanted to do something extra special. Now, we know some of you guys with multioptipupiloptomy have deemed her "fat" or unattractive, but if these gifs can convert at least one of those schmoes to the light side of the force… it will be damn well worth it.
#10: First, let's introduce the woman of the hour...
And what a grand entrance, indeed. Brook began modeling at 16-years old, after winning a beauty pageant that her mother pushed her into. She started off doing campaigns for several English brands of lingerie, mainly geared towards large-chested ladies. Shortly after, Kelly was posing for Maxim, GQ, Loaded and was named FHM's "Sexiest Woman in the World" in 2005.
#9: Kelly knows how to sell shoes
It wasn't long before Kelly began realizing her assets could be used for the greater good, or in Hollywood terms, to sell products. In 2007, she signed a contract agreeing to represent Lynx body spray (known in the U.S. as "Axe"), as well as T Mobile and modeling for Reebok, where the gif above is from. It's important to not that Kelly is shaped more like an hourglass than a martini glass, and much like the figure of a mermaid, I often forget to acknowledge the bottom half.
#8: Kelly + slow-motion are always a good mix
Even though this GIF is from yet another advertising campaign for Axe earlier this year, there's something comforting about watching Kelly Brook in a space suit flocking toward you in slow-motion. This commercial could've been an extremely effective recruitment video for NASA. Hell, it probably was. I'm certainly starting to feel some anti-gravity coming on... in my pants. Get it? Get it, guys?
#7: Kelly is black and white and hot all over
There really isn't much to say about this behind-the-scenes gif from one of Kelly's GQ photoshoots, other than "holy f*ck" followed by a bunch of noises from untamed zoo animals. I'd love to make that shirt my own personal diary, but I would only write when Kelly was wearing it. That way, when she takes it off, the words will be scrunched up and indecipherable.
#6: Hey, look, two Kelly GIFs in one!
Kelly has been known to delight us with a calendar shoot every year, and there will usually be a making-of video along with it. This certain photoshoot was so absurdly sexy, I couldn't decide on just one gif that would do it justice. So, here are two epic moments from the epic shoot. Or should I make that four?
#5: Kelly is always losing her laundry
The titilating commercialism has continued on into the recent years, when Kelly did this cleav-tastic advertisement for some brand of footwear in the UK. The advertisement doesn't succeed in making you want to purchase the sock as much as it makes you wish you were the sock. It's an effective gif, nonetheless.
#4: Kelly works out her shiny heinie
After exposing her charms to the world with bit parts in THE ITALIAN JOB and DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGILO, Kelly actually got her first starring gig in SCHOOL FOR SEDUCTION. I have yet to see this whole movie, but many of the clips I've seen scattered all over the web have been quite brain-melting. Particularly this scene, in which Kelly constructs an excersising class in the tightest, shiniest spandex pants imaginable.
#3: Kelly gets motorboated.... on a motorboat
If PIRANHA 3-D served one purpose, it was to bring Kelly Brook into my life. Surely, I wasn't the only schmoe to hop onto the Kelly Brook train in 2010, just about the second those awesome set photos from the film began spreading among the web. In all honesty, I think her role in PIRANHA (which she's really not bad in) is what seperates her from other English "glamour" models with big tits. She also gave surprisingly half-way decent peformance in SURVIVAL ISLAND with Billy Zane.
#2: Kelly knows how to drive us Nuts
Feel free to let your imaginations go ape-shit with this one, gents! Of course, even with the attention she's reeled in from the US, Kelly never lost track of her roots. She still finds time to do spreads for the English boob-sploitation magazine Nuts, even as recently as this year. This gif is taken from the behind-the-scenes of her latest Nuts shoot, and it is one of many that were taken into consideration.
#1: She's a Brook... wall...
As much as KEITH LEMON THE FILM looked like an erupting volcano of fecal matter, it did provide the internet with a handful of great Kelly moments, including the one above. Scenes like these might have been just enough to distract its audience from the terrible humor. At this point, if you're still actually reading this column, you are a real trooper, my friend. I commend you.