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Minka Kelly's stripes may be horizontal, but my love for her keeps going up

A long time ago, I walked out of my room wearing a striped shirt with the stripes going sideways. I walked by my mother's room and said, "Why, hello, there!" She looked over at me and saw me in my shirt before yelling like she saw a rat. After vomiting and kicking me in the face, she called me a f*cking fatass and said, "Horizontal stipes are not made for you!" I didn't know what horizontal...
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