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ACTIONGIRLS: SOLDIERS OF THE DEAD...
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Reviewed by: Dave Murray

Directed by: Scotty JX

Starring:
Susana Spears
Emily Kova
Adriana Zarcova

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
In a post-apocalyptic future, rival gangs fight for the only real commodity left - WOMEN! Forced to fight naked in the arena and lick the bootheels of a cruel dominatrix, the slave girls are about to be led into rebellion by a couple of former cops who sure do like to run alot. Topless. A lot. When one nazi-ish gang develops a breed of super soldier, can the Actiongirls stop them from taking over everything? While naked? We can only hope so!
Is it good movie?

Okay, here's the deal. Mad Max apocalyptic future. Naked, scantily clad and gorgeous European women everywhere, kicking ass all over the joint. Action scenes, fighting, gunplay, nazi zombie soldiers, explosions, and even more naked women. Should be the biggest badass movie ever, right? Um, no.

What should have been a genre fanboy's wettest of dreams is nothing more than an awful lot of boobs and fighting, and about a full hour of nothing more than chasing and running. With all of the running these girls do, and the chasing the barbarian gangs do, I was exhausted halfway into the movie! Did I just run a marathon? No, I just watched the latest "Softcore Horror" epic from Actiongirls.com pioneer Scotty JX. Sure there tonnes of boobs in this one (and hang me for saying this, maybe just a bit too many), but without a cohesive story and a lack of any identifiable sex scenes, can you even use the term softcore? And there was hardly any horror to be found here. I do admire the dude's concept, mixing action, some elements of horror and a serious amount of gratuitous nudity into one movie. But for some reason, the great idea didn't translate into a great movie.

The acting was horrible, and the poor sound mix made the European accents of the actresses (most of whom are models) almost impossible to hear. The only exceptions were Susana Spears, who showed at least some talent and enthusiasm, and Adriana Zarcova whose turn as the leather clad ubervillainous babe was nicely done. The effects were okay, if a little hokey. But the production values were shit, making the whole flick look cheap and hacked together in a home video sort of way. I've seen some of the director's other Actiongirls stuff, and they were certainly of better quality than this, both in terms of acting and cinematography. The sets here were not very well done, and the super soldiers, while pulling off some mildly cool stunts, were not as scary as I assume they were meant to be. One fine effects touch however, was the super serum injected into them. It glowed with a happy flourescent green that reminded me of a certain Dr. West concoction!

Since this is Part I of a series, I hope that the other parts expand on this one, because all I saw (past the parade of boobs) was a weak story (with a great and funny Alone in the Dark length opening crawl!), poor acting, shitty camera work, and at best a very tame attempt at making an action film, a horror film, and a softcore film at the same time.

But hey, bring on the other episodes, guys! Give me more story, more horror, some actual bloody sex scenes, tighten up your narrative and keep it naked and gory and I'll be there!
Video / Audio
Video: Fullscreen - 1.33:1.

Audio: English (Dolby 2.0 Surround).
The Extras
Last Call
A pretty tame attempt to combine genres, Actiongirls suffered from problems with the story, the camera work, the locations, the execution of concept, and the casting (although the leads looked good running naked with guns and swords! What?). But basically that's what this movie is: moments of B-Movie goodness bogged down by too many chase scenes! These girls will run from anything! I'd love to see the rest of the series, because I'm hoping it gets better than this. Because if the rest of the story is this pointless, disjointed and boring, the end result won't be pretty. Come on, capitalize on a great concept and give us something kickass! Turn this crap into gold!
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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