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AIRBORNE
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Dominic Burns

Starring:
Mark Hamill
Alan Ford
Gemma Atkinson

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A small group of people fight for their lives aboard a plane flying into a hurricane…with a very nasty passenger aboard.
Is it good movie?
Airborne is your typical red herring film. During a hurricane, flight 686 from England to New York is the only plane in the air. Amongst its small list of passengers are a creepy doctor, two soldiers back from Afghanistan, a drunk, a mobster and his two bodyguards, and various other throwaway characters. There is also a flight attendant who might be a terrorist. You know, because he’s brown. Oh yeah, and there’s some ancient Chinese vase being transported to the states. We spend about 40-minutes watching things go wrong, with all viable options for their cause still in the air. See what I did there?

Mechanically-speaking, AIRBORNE is a well-done film. The photography is a little soft for me, but the transfer is without error that I could see. The sound and sound design are also adequate, as is the acting (all hamminess is inherent in disaster airplane films). The problem is the plot. It’s just a mess. It’s like the director is holding a bag of water with several holes in it. It holds together as best it can, but eventually leaks out all over the place. It takes so long to get to the meat of the matter that it had little impact on me, because I really didn’t care anymore. And it wasn’t all that great shakes to begin with.

While there is a supernatural aspect to the film, for the most part is an action/thriller-type thing. There is a significant body count, but while there is some blood there is zero gore. In fact, the creepiest thing about this movie is fat Mark Hamill, who plays the head air traffic controller, or whatever, on his last day before retirement (yay clichés). He has gone the way of Eddie Furlong: chubby, with a couple of Samsonites under his eyes.

On the plus side, it is pretty short, and has no special features that I had to watch. So, bonus there.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen, 2.35:1, enhanced for 16x9 televisions.

Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound.
The Extras
None!
Last Call
AIRBORNE is definitely not the worst film I’ve ever seen, but that’s not much of a selling point. It’s a mechanically well-done film with a messy, cliché-ridden plot that takes too long to get going to have any momentum when it finally does. SNAKES ON A PLANE it is not. Unless you have a morbid curiosity to stare at old, fat Luke Skywalker for a while, I’d say it’s safe to give this one a pass.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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