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ASS MONSTER
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Reviewed by: Dave Murray

Directed by: Bill Zebub

Starring:
Bill Zebub
Rocco Martone
Gina Lynn
Kerri Taylor

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
After seeing one of those no-budget homemade horror movies where a fake director gets girls naked and calls it filmmaking, Bill embarks on an adventure to make his own movie to milk horror convention geeks of their money, and he soon realizes that getting chicks naked on camera is the least of his problems in the making of his schlock video ASS MONSTER!
Is it good movie?
I've seen a lot of no-budget horror movies lately. Some have been homemade camcorder crap, while others have rocked my sorry ass off by being original, funny and damn well made. Surprisingly, Ass Monster is in the latter category. It's by no means perfect, but it does have some laughs and it's a clever send up of the homegrown Z-grade horror movement, of which Bill Zebub Productions is undoubtedly a part of. Don't be fooled by the title. Ass Monster refers to the cheap sleazy camcorder movie that main character Bill is inspired to make, after watching a crappy movie that someone made, filled with lame acting and naked chicks, to sell at horror conventions to horny fans who'll gobble up any old shit. While the DVD cover would make you think you are in for a porntastic time (even featuring porn star Gina Lynn), the back copy flat out tells us that this is not porn. What it is, aside from a whole lot of girls showing a whole lot of boobs, is a clever spoof of no-budget filmmaking and some of the seedy arses who get involved in it.

Most of the acting is shite, but the performance put in by director Bill Zebub as the hapless dude who tries to make a movie with no money and even less of a cast is great. The guy has some talent and charisma, and the scenes where he doesn't want the camera to show his face while he fondles girls as the Ass Monster because his girlfriend will kill him are hilarious. As well, Rocco Martone is pretty good as the friend who replaces Bill as the monster, and an appearance by George "Corpsegrinder" Fischer (of Cannibal Corpse fame) as the dude who owns the video camera and gets a random BJ during the casting call is worth a laugh or two. On the flip side of the gender coin, Kerri Taylor is a good choice as the Scream Queen (and she's hot too!), playing the kind of girl that will do anything to become a horror scream queen. She's also pretty funny acting as Bill's mentor into the world of no-budget horror.

Shot on video, and on the cheap, this movie is nothing groundbreaking. But if you are looking for mindless fun, ample nudity and a pretty good and funny riff on the whole "titty horror" scene, then you'll dig this one. There's even a pretentious character who claims to have worked on a few sets, a guy we have all known, who thinks they know everything about making a movie but in reality they are totally clueless. These guys, and the fake directors this movie is bashing, really give the horror genre a bad name. However, since these days most "big name" horror directors are giving the genre a worse name than the no-budget hacks ever could, any amount of originality and enthusiasm from the indie guys is a welcome breath of rancid air to blow away the shitty remakes. And, well, having this much female nudity never hurts! Aside from a few lingering lesbian shots and some silicone plastic dolls, this one is entertaining and more fun than others I have seen.

Just remember what you are getting. Ass Monster!
Video / Audio
Video: Full Screen - This movie has a very no-budget camcorder look, which is fitting considering the premise. It's too bad the disc itself was less than stellar in quality, and kept skipping like a schoolgirl. Not fun at all

Audio: English (Mono 2.0). The sound was what it needed to be. It was there.
The Extras
There is a short Blooper Reel (6:18) that is pretty funny, has a fun look at cheap sets where they have to constantly hide public nudity if someone strolls by, and of course features even more topless fun. There is also a Trailer Montage (6:25) of other Bill Zebub movies, including Bad Acid, Dolla Morte, Stupid Stuff, the awesomely titled Jesus Christ Serial Rapist, The Most Offensive Comedy Ever Made, Rape Is A Circle, and Metalheads. So many boobs, so little time!
Last Call
While by no means a classic horror movie or a laugh out loud comedy, Ass Monster is decently made slice of homegrown horror comedy, with a tonne of nudity and a few chuckles. Sure some of the jokes fall flat and some of the girls are icky in that uber-plastic porn star sort of way, but the performances by Zebub and Taylor make it watchable and the whole affair goes down nice. Just don't be expecting anything groundbreaking here. You know what you're in for when you sit down to this one: a couple of laughs, more boobs than anyone can handle (love the lingering boob shots, man) and a decent spoof of indie horror movies made by fake directors. I mean, sweet unholy mother of god, how many girls are actually willing to get naked for greasy hacks who say they are making a horror movie? Apparently, quite a lot.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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