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BAD GIRL ISLAND
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Reviewed by: Ammon Gilbert

Directed by: Stewart Raffill

Starring:
AnnaLynne McCord
Antonio Sabatao Jr.
James Brolin

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Antonio Sabato Jr. has a very lucid dream about hottie AnnaLynne McCord, so much so that after he wakes from it he hires James Brolin to write and direct a movie about it. But when said hottie shows up as the film's lead, Antonio's mind starts playing tricks on him and people start dropping like flies. And it's all set in and around the Bermuda Triangle (allegedly).
Is it good movie?
I don’t know where to begin talking about BAD GIRL ISLAND other than to start off with how saying bad the damn thing is. This film is awful on just about every level, except for maybe the technical side of things, as it looks like a polished and professional piece of filmmaking—at least, filmmaking aimed for a straight to TV release. From the script that takes itself way too seriously, to the some of the worse acting ever performed on screen, BAD GIRL ISLAND is a giant cocktease of a movie that is so painful to watch that it’s almost comical. Almost.

The look, feel, and overall direction of the film plays out like some soft-core porn they feature on Skinimax after dark, where you’d except to see tons of nudity and ridiculous sex scene after ridiculous sex scene (without the money shots, of course), with a silly plot to string one event of passion with the next to make some sort of convoluted storyline that makes sense. And in a way, that’s exactly what BAD GIRL ISLAND is…. except that there’s not an ounce of nudity to be found! Sex? Sure! Nudity? Besides some male buttcheeck here and there, there’s nothing but strategically placed arms, furniture, and clothing to keep from seeing any sort of action. But as the erotic angle is the only thing BAD GIRL ISLAND has going for it, not delivering the goods was a huge mistake!

What makes matters worse is that the flick becomes one of those “films within a film” type of movies, where they’re making a movie version of events that took place at the beginning of the flick—which means, we have to sit through all sorts of silly bullsh*t twice! And as hard as it is to believe, considering how bad the first part of this movie is, the “film within a film” version is even worse! The script is all over the place, the “mystery” that kicks in is a little hard to follow and becomes way too complicated for its own good.

Last but not least, the acting. Antonio Sabato Jr. gives a performance that’s not just bad, but so bad that it makes most Asylum movie actors look good. It’s a wonder how this guy has been in the game for 20 years… his performance was like nails on the chalkboard. Then there’s James Brolin, who basically shows up to do his best James Brolin impression, all the while collecting a paycheck while filming on location in the Bahamas. Can’t fault the guy for wanting to take a working vacation! The only cast member who didn’t completely suck balls was hottie AnnaLynne McCcord, who played the mysterious seductress to a T, teasing the audience with enough erotic tension without giving up the goods, leaving any red-blooded man with a serious case of blueballs by the end. But sadly, her extreme sexiness couldn’t save the rest of the film from floundering, as every other person in this movie (from secondary characters to extras) was utterly horrendous.

Video / Audio
Video: About as clear and bright as a made for Lifetime movie of the week, presented in anamorphic widescreen (1.85:1). Basically, it looks and feels cheap, but with some sort of budget behind it.

Audio: Luxuriously mixed in 2.0 Mono, the sound is flat and about what you'd expect from a TV production. The sound's not crappy or anything, but anything released in 2.0 Mono has me scratching my head as to why?

The Extras
Trailer: Believe it or not, the trailer is 100% better than the actual film.
Last Call
BAD GIRL ISLAND looks, feels, and behaves like a softcore porno you'd expect to see on Skinimax after the lights go out. But in actuality, it's as tame and as weaksauce as a Lifetime movie, only teasing the sex and nudity. And the "mystery" (not to mention the performances) we're left with is about as uncompelling, boring, and downright silly as they come, making the film, on the whole, a complete, and painful, waste of time.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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