HORROR DVD/BLU-RAY REVIEWS

Search by title # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
BASELINE KILLER
Download Movie
Reviewed by: JimmyO

Directed by: Ulli Lommel

Starring:
Victoria Ullmann
Pia Pownall
Jaquelyn Aurora

Movie:  
star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star
What's it about
A group of women are viciously attacked by two murderous psychos. It is based on the true life event of a serial killer terrorizing Phoenix, Arizona from 2004 to 2006. The true story is much more frightening than this.
Is it good movie?
Ulli Lommell has crafted one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life. Baseline Killer is utterly horrible. I’m actually a big fan of Henry Jaglom who always has an unscripted series of events where women talk about women, or being in love, or whatever. They are sometimes pretty wonderful films. And ironically enough, this terribly dull experience sort of uses that same concept, except it is also a “horror” movie. After a quick torture session with the not so terrifying killers, we are soon introduced to a group of ladies who yap about garbage. It seems the girls haven’t seen each other for quite awhile and are busy catching up while the pair of psychos sneak into the incredibly large apartment. At one point, they talk about how great one of the girls hair looks. You know what it looks like, the worst wig in history and they don’t even try to hide her hairline. Are you f*cking kidding me? Is this a joke? One of these bimbos even mentions how very “Marilyn Monroe” it is.

So here we are, a bunch of women in what seems to be a very complicated apartment to get out of, and they are being systematically killed. I was sick to death of these girls after ten minutes, so it was hard to feel any real sympathy for anybody. And the killers are lame as hell too. They keep talking about killing off the bitches and hos while the ladies are running around acting terrified. And the irony is, the actresses are not bad for the most part. There is no way that any of these women could come off looking good with this lack of script. At about the half way mark, one lovely lady shows up late for the party, and lucky for the rest of the girls she sort of has a brain. Once she finally believes them, she mentions that they need to arm themselves. But soon after that, they start yapping again. Not sure where the killers go, and I didn’t really care. And what the hell is with the “smart” character carrying around a wooden spoon to protect herself? UGH! This SUCKS!

It would be near impossible to really narrow down where this film went wrong. Where it went right would be easy though… it didn’t. Try bad lighting, bad script (if one exists), bizarre editing, and just a cheap ass looking pseudo film that has not a single ounce of horror. Well, that is aside from the ridiculous looking blonde wig. And then there is the gore. Or what is actually a blood like substance spread over the victims. Have I used the word atrocious yet? I guess that one fits also. I really enjoyed how these women talk about how they are going to try and fight back knowing the killer is probably listening to everything they say. UGH! This is a tough one to sit through. No matter how fancy the editing gets and tricks you throw at the audience, a pathetic film is a pathetic film. And yes, this is pathetic. And in case you were keeping score, absolutely no nudity… unless maybe I fell asleep and missed something.
Video / Audio
The Extras
Last Call
This is beyond bad. It is like a amateur, wannabe Henry Jaglom horror film that has gone horribly wrong. It is just a bunch of yapping women who sit around while the killer grabs one of the bimbos. I don’t know… try and break the door down or something you f*cking morons. A couple of the girls are cute though. Other than that, don’t waste your time.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

Mistress Of The Week

More
 Scorupco, Izabella