BIKINI BLOODBATH CARWASH
Reviewed by: Ryan Doom
Jon Gorman, Thomas Edward Seymour
What's it about
A group of bikini-clad co-ed babes work at a carwash, have a sťance, and resurrect a killer chef.
Is it good movie?
Certain movies leave me at a loss of words. Theyíre so inept, so bad that they emerge on a level no film should reach. Cheap. Stupid. Without originality or creativity. That could describe many films but often its with a loving wink like the films of Troma, awful quality but with a sense of style; theyíre bad with a likeable bad quality.
However, movies such as Bikini Bloodbath Carwash have none of this. It hovers around the same level of the average Skinamax movie, though they at least deliver on the nudity and semi-sex. Bikini Bloodbath Carwash emerges light in that and every category. People joke about feeling dumber after sitting through something awful. I wish it were only a joke. I donít think my brain ever shined to full watt capacity to begin with, and this thing knocked off at least 25 watts.
The plot, er, does anyone really want to know? Briefly, itís about some co-eds who work at a carwash, have a sťance, and resurrect a guy named Chef Death, who kills random people. Yep, thatís it. Of course, the elements worth watching are the girls, because as one might suspect with a title like Bikini Bloodbath Carwash, lots and lots of girls show up. In bikinis. Working at a carwash. Washing cars. Gyrating to generic rock and having the time of their lives. Itís all rather innocent and silly with everyone appearing to enjoy making the film as if they had no idea what crap it was.
In this Internet world where a guy can find anything he wants, why would they want nothing more than a tease? At least, one may think, thereís quality gore. Itís expectedly bad, and I know they donít use real blood, but this is some of the worse mix of horrendous fake and bad CGI blood Iíve ever seen. Whatís worse? The gore doesnít fit. Itís as if Home Alone included a graphic sex scene or Silence of the Lambs had slapstick comedy. Donít mix the genres if you canít do it right. With that said, the best of the movie (besides the hot chicks) comes from the slicing off of a nipple which doesnít look overly great, but I donít ever recall seeing that before. At least that was somewhat shocking. However, what might be more shocking comes from the stupidity of having a cast filled with early to mid-30-year-olds playing high schoolers, a teacher with a sailor hat, and another teacher with fake accent, ponytail, and bad teeth. Bad. Bad. Bad.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen presentation/Full screen
Audio: Presented with the power of Dolby Surround
There's a photo gallery and blooper reel but neither add the lackluster nature of this. I'd save my money for something better. Like canned air.
A generic, sexless skin flick that attempts to combine sex appeal, gore, and low IQ comedy. It fails on all accounts.