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BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray

Starring:
Jayden Cole
Brandin Rackley
Frankie Cullen

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A very loose (haha) softcore porn retelling of Frankenstein.
Is it good movie?
After being ousted from his university position for unlawful carnal knowledge of the dean's daughter, Victor Frankenstein travels back to his home country of Romania and spends five years perfecting his theory for returning life to dead tissue...and banging his lab assistants. He finally sucks-seeds in reanimating a dead hottie, thus creating the world's first post-death raving lesbian. When she isn't busy scissoring with Ingrid, the current lab assistant, she is being whisked off to America to show the good doctor's old colleagues a thing or two about what he's capable of. Guess what happens next? Yeah, more sex. Culminating (haha) in a threeway lesbo affair. That's a lot of squashing silicone.

Bikini Frankenstein is a companion piece to Twilight Vamps. In fact, they look to have been shot on the same day. Pretty much the same cast, and I didn't watch the credits (even though they crawl by at a snail's pace, presumably to up the runtime) but I think it is a safe bet it is all the same crew. Fred Olen Ray is at the helm again, but he nails (haha) the thematic elements a little better this time around: the sex is way more realistic; the lead actress, Jayden Cole, almost looks like she has natural titties; and the vibe is straight-up sardonic from the get go. You are never supposed to take this one seriously. Frankie Cullen's ridiculously not-Slavic accent is a hoot, and Brandin Rackley channels Teri Garr from Young Frankenstein perfectly, ya?

Now, don't get me wrong: this movie is still dumb as a box of hammers and still lacks penetration or any wang for the ladies. It also comes (haha) on a similarly shitty DVD as Twilight Vamps, wobbling like hell in my player and making one hell of a racket. But it does have its charms, and while I still think your time would be better spent with a real porno and that Mel Brooks classic split-screened on your TV, this one is not entirely useless. You might get a chuckle and a boner or two out of it, and that's better than a stick in the eye. (haha)
Video / Audio
Video: I could see it.

Audio: I could hear it.
The Extras
A trailer for itself, and one for Twlight Vamps.
Last Call
One click above useless, if you find this one cheap (and I mean cheap) I'd say go for it. A semi-entertaining sex spoof which might give you semi-wood in a few spots.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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