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BITTEN
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Harvey Glazer

Starring:
Jason Mewes
Erica Cox
Richard Fitzpatrick

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A man find that nothing heals a broken heart like a new love: except when that new love is a vampire with an insatiable appetite for hot, human blood.
Is it good movie?
Jack is a sad sack 3rd shift EMT, scraping junkies off of street corners and pouring them into the back of the ambulance driven by his mentor and friend, Rog, a caustic but well-meaning old codger. Said codger is tired of hearing Jack lament his latest love woes, and is initially thrilled when Jack finds a new girl. What he doesnít know is that Jack found her in the alley behind his apartment, covered in blood, with bite marks on her neck. As the bodies pile up, Jack struggles to extricate himself from this relationship without getting bite marks of his very own.

Bitten has flavorings of Larry Fessendenís Habit and Chan-Wook Parkís Thirst, without achieving the heights of either. First off, itís all over the map: it canít seem to settle on a tone. It changes lanes from horror to comedy and back without ever using a blinker, matters not being helped by the fact that it fails at both. Jason Mewes, as Jack, and the lovely Erica Fox, as vampire Danika never have any real chemistry, and Jack is not sufficiently upset at hiding bodies to merit his change of heart later in the film.

The film is also routinely overacted by everyone involved, with the exception of Erica Fox, who really shines through. Unfortunately she bares her breasts so often that it sort of undermines her performance. The timeline of the film is constantly skewed, as it is pitch-black when it is supposed to be morning and full sunlight when it is supposed to be nighttime. The director also keeps throwing in bizarre and distracting items, such as the title card and interstitial titles being in Spanish, and weird references to both Dirty Dancing and Lethal Weapon, none of which fits the theme of the film.
Video / Audio
Video: Shot on video, it mostly looks good, although there is a fair amount of grain and the image is soft, which can both be unfortunate in a movie set mostly in the dark.

Audio: Dolby Digital, I guess. The sound is about the only thing I donít have a complaint about.
The Extras
Not a thing.
Last Call
Bitten is not a bad film, but it isnít a good one, either. It doesnít drag and is never boring, but it never settles on a tone and doesnít satisfy in either the horror or comedy departments. There is no real character development, and none of the plot points feel organic or intuitive. Unless youíre a total Jason Mewes wank, I would give this one a pass.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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