Reviewed by: Dave Murray
Rebecca R. Palmer
What's it about
After having a one night stand (or should I say a one night kinky bondage slap-fest) with a bicycle cop, Anne (Palmer) guiltily goes on a biking trip with her ex-boyfriend. But that sadistic "cop" has plans for them, and Anne will have to bike her legs off and walk around aimlessly if she is going to escape his twisted, murderous infatuation.
Is it good movie?
Now, talk about your wasted potential! What could have been a grueling and bloody slasher flick was ruined by poor performances, shoddy editing and a piss poor narrative that dragged the whole film to the bottom of a mountain stream. I was expecting a tight, tension filled ride with some decent blood and massive fistfulls of screaming revenge. What I got was another creature entirely (but some of the blood was sweet, though).
The acting, story and pacing had me screaming at the screen. No I haven't lost my mind. I just like to yell at stupid characters in bad horror movies. After telling of her one night of sweaty handcuffed passion through flashbacks, the movie descends into an ad for the German countryside, seeming more like travel show or a woodsy European music video. Then Anne's boyfriend is killed in the lamest scene in slasher history. Trust me if you haven't seen someone get their throat ripped out by a strategically placed flying bike gear to the neck, then you haven't lived (and someone please explain the physics to me, because I'm boggled!). I tell you, for a killer, this dude is quite surgically precise with his bike!
Then the killer proceeds to stalk Anne through the mountains. Well, not really stalk. More like randomly pop up ahead of her at every turn with no explanation and absolutely no menace at all, doing wacky shit like hacking up loggers, nailing the poor boyfriend's corpse to a cross on top of the mountain, and killing any stranger dumb enough to try and help Anne. No tension. No suspense. Just some random dude who kills people becaus ehe is in love with a girl. Normal, right? Nope. Just boring.
When he does catch her, what follows is a drawn out sermon by the killer about death, and the total amount of torture consists of a single cut to her leg! And yes, the ending is equally lame.
On the plus side, the mountain terrain is quite pretty, but the movie is poorly lit and shot, so even that is not capitalized on. This is a clear case of too much style and not enough talent. It was like a European movie trying to disguise itself as an American slasher and failing badly. It should have just gone for the level of balls-out Euro Slasher, and perhaps had a more cohesive script.
Sorry folks, but I just can't recommend this one. So for the sake of your sanity and my blood pressure, please avoid it unless you have a thing for bikes. Or travel shows. Or random un-stalkerish behaviour.
Oh hell, just avoid it.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen - 2.35:1.
Audio: English (Dolby Digital 5.1), English (Dolby Stereo 2.0) and subtitles in English and Spanish.
Other than the trailer for the flick, all we get are trailers for other Liongate pictures, most of which (such as Haute Tension and The Descent) are vastly superior.
I'm beginning to not like those Horror Festival markings on DVD covers. Most of the movies I see them on must have been watched or reviewed by simpering 13-year-olds with no repect of knowledge of the history of the slasher genre. Or by the blind and deaf. Not that I have anything against the blind, the deaf or simpering teenagers. But I would be embarassed if this flick was an officail selection for my festival. Blah. It was uninspired and mostly boring, with no direction, no tension and a lack of any relevence to the sub-genre it tries to emulate. Let's face it. The world's first bicycle slasher flick is a lame duck.
Which probably means we'll see Blood Trails 2: Ten Speed of Doom making its direct-to-DVD debut soon.