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CAMEL SPIDERS [BLU-RAY]
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Reviewed by: Ammon Gilbert

Directed by: Jay Andrews

Starring:
C. Thomas Howell
Brian Krause

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Giant jumping sand / devil / camel spiders from Afghanistan hitch a ride to rural Arizona and terrorize a small town, including two motley groups of people who are constantly running for their lives. Luckily, there are a couple of soldiers and the town’s sheriff amongst them, almost giving the survivors some sort of chance to escape before the whole area becomes overly infested with these creepy, crawly, killer bugs.
Is it good movie?
Monster movies are a dime a dozen these days, especially the schlocky type that air on the SyFy Channel, or somehow wind up straight to DVD. They’re made on a shoestring budget, jam-packed with lackluster special effects, and always manage to get one “big” name attached to it. The Asylum has been cranking these kinds of flicks out for years, but now it’s time for the godfather of B movie madness to jump back into the game and join the party: Roger Corman. His recent efforts have included DINOSHARK and SHARKTOPUS, and now he’s back and thirsty for more with… CAMEL SPIDERS!

In true Corman/Asylum fashion, CAMEL SPIDERS hits all the point as outlined above: there’s a “big” name (C. Thomas Howell), there are real crappy CGI monster effects (spiders!), the budget is minuscule, and everything about the production screams cheap. But is CAMEL SPIDERS any different t than, say, a MEGA PIRANHA or a DINOSHARK? No… not really. Obviously made for TV, as the film lacks any real R rated attributes, the flick has enough camel spider action to keep one entertained to the next commercial break, but all the in-between shenanigans are so lame and laughably awful that there’s not an ounce to be taken seriously. Which, for a flick like CAMEL SPIDERS, is about par for the course.

I personally hate spiders more than any other bug (even ants, which ranks in at a close #2), so a horror flick like this has giant f*cking spiders jumping on people’s faces, ripping throats out, and otherwise crawling creepily around (as fake as it all looks), really gave me the willies—and for that, I really dug me some CAMEL SPIDERS. What’s so fantastic about the flick is, it knows the spider attacks is what keep people around, so they consistently throw one in every 5-10 minutes, making for a very lively flick that shamelessly delivers the goods. Once the real attack on the town ensues, people upon people are running in every which direction with these creepy f*ckers jumping on their faces and taking chunks out of their necks and whatnot, the fun really begins!

As expected, the acting is weak and the characters all suck, and there’s way too much fake drama thrown into the group of survivors that really wasn’t necessary, but I suppose it has to do something else to keep the run time at a respectable length—it can’t all be spider attacks, can it? It’d be nice, but sadly… no. On the plus side, the dialog exchanges between group members are so hilariously bad that it’s actually quite entertaining, giving you something to laugh at in-between the spider action.

Video / Audio
Video: Anamorphic widescreen presentation is presented in full 1080p HD and looks like it was shot on HD video cameras—yes, it’s crystal clear, but it also looks like a cheap SyFy Channel movie of the week.

Audio: A decent 5.1 Dolby Digital mix that utilized the screams, growls, and otherwise creepy noises the camel spiders make before a kill. Nothing spectacular, but it’s not bad, either.

The Extras
No Extras!
Last Call
Monster movie enthusiasts and those who enjoy a good shitty movie from time to time may get tingled by what CAMEL SPIDERS has to offer. The bug attacks are fun, and even though the CGI effects are horrendous, the hordes of camel spiders themselves gave me the creeps and even made my skin crawl a few times, and for that… the flick was worth the 90 minutes of my time. What isn’t really worth it, though, is the Blu-ray itself, as the disc offers absolutely nothing in terms of extras, making CAMEL SPIDERS simply a rental at best and not a purchase.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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