Black Sheep: Event Horizon (Video)
Hulu releases a Castle Rock synopsis!
New Suspiria is not a remake
Hellboy 3 will not happen, according to Guillermo del Toro
New Alien: Covenant pic shows us the whole crew
Jurassic World sequel to add guns to dinos?!
New NSFW trailer for The Void!
Freaky trailer for Xavier Gens' The Crucifixion
Full Friday the 13th Part 13 script online!
Jeepers Creepers 3 is now shooting
TV Review: The Walking Dead - Season 7, Episode 10
Movie Review: The Great Wall
If any of that makes you want to watch this film then I have done you a disservice.
Beyond that this is one of the stupidest, most insipid, difficult to sit through wastes of time that I've ever had to watch. Seriously. I stopped and started the damn thing 6 times before I finally got through its ponderous 2 hour run time. Now this is the Extended Version, but why anyone would have ever wanted to extend this miserable experience is beyond me.
It's really an achievement to make a film with this much nudity and sex that I actively hate. All you really have to do is string some loose story threads together and then have people get down. I'll likely be entertained. Hell, sometimes you don't even need the loose story threads. After all, watching naked people get at it is inherently entertaining. Usually. In the case of Camille 2000 my reaction was more akin to taking a cold shower.
The sex scenes, if you can call them that, are ridiculous. It looks like people who have never had sex filming people who never want to have sex pretending to have sex badly. Apparently the filmmakers believe that swiping your head back and forth along someone's tummy will launch them into spasms of delirious pleasure. Right.
Most vexing is the kissing. Not one damn person in this f*cking movie knows how to kiss. It's like they were just given lips the day before shooting and were told to explore them. It's inexplicable. I don't know if MST3K does softcore flicks, but they would have a ball with this one.
I can barely bring myself to even mention the story line because it is so stupid, overdone, and drawn out for what feels like years longer than is necessary. It's basically a mix of PRETTY WOMAN and ROMEO AND JULIET if you took every single thing that made those stories enjoyable out and left nothing but an immature, simpering, pathetic husk.
Generally with horror and softcore films you have to be very careful not to go too highbrow. It can only be pulled off by an expert with a truly outstanding property. Otherwise you're better off giving your audience the cheap thrill of ample gore and or nudity. They'll appreciate the down and dirty nature of your achievement.
In this case the filmmakers were obviously trying to be arty, and what we're left with is a classless, insufferable hodge podge of boring people doing stupid things. I have never thrown a DVD away before in my life...until now. I do not want this POS cluttering up my house.