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CRAWLSPACE
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Reviewed by: Ryan Doom

Directed by: John Newland

Starring:
Arthur Kennedy
Teresa Wright
Tom Happer

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A loner/loser comes in from the woods and starts living in a childless coupleís crawlspace. They love him like a son, until things go wrong!
Is it good movie?

If youíve ever wanted to watch one of those bad films that you see movie characters watching on TV and wonder what the hell it is, Crawlspace is one of those films. Itís a 1972 made-for-TV movie that has bad acting, bad directing, and an even worse story. Itís a film that I canít recommend to the general public. Crawlspace is a for stoners, drunks, people who love horrendous material, or for 70ís kids who recall this being on TV as something scary. I watched this with a friend, and I found myself laughing from time to time, waiting and wanting to see how bad it could get. That doesnít mean itís good, but sometimes Iím a sucker for crap. And this is crap. Itís just a good thing I had a drink or two. My friend, on the other hand, kept asking how long it was. It only ran roughly 70 minutes, and it seemed like Lord of the Rings to them.

I donít know if Iíve heard of a premise this awful. A loser (drifter) named Richard -- who lives in the woods -- sneaks into an older coupleís basement, and starts living in their crawlspace. Now, instead of kicking his ass out or calling the police, they seem to think itís cute and start feeding him like heís a pet cat. And like a cat, Richard grows attached and starts to love them like parents. Only he loves them a little too much. He starts creeping them out and finally crosses the line. And how couldnít it creep anyone out? Seriously, who the hell lets some dude move into their crawlspace? There are so many absolutely stupid moments in here that anyone with a brain just shakes their head. At the same time, anyone searching for poorly made-for-TV movies from the 70ís could find a gold mine here. My favorite aspect of bad comes from the awkward pauses between dialogue. One character will say something. The other wonít respond for several beats, just staring at them in one of the worst edit jobs Iíve seen. Plus, anyone will dig Richard, who looks like a generic Charles Manson but with the acting chops of the little kid from the Phantom Menace. Heís no threat, and I donít know how anyone would find him frightening. But the best comes from the lesson at the end that we shouldnít judge people by their hair or styles. Itís good advice.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen presentation. It's really nice and fuzzy, just like 70's TV movies.

Audio: It's 2.0
The Extras
Notta.
Last Call
Crawlspace goes one of two ways. Either you like movies with poor production qualities, bad acting, and a fifth grade script. Or you don't.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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