HORROR DVD/BLU-RAY REVIEWS

Search by title # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
DARK SECRETS
Download Movie
Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Frank Falco

Starring:
Gary Daniels
Steven Elliott
Ben Shockley

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Blah blah tortured cop blah blah kidnapped girl blah blah ghostly apparition blah blah twist ending blah blah.
Is it good movie?
Detective Sergeant Farrell is a lone wolf cop (much to the chagrin of his partner), a loose cannon with a tragic past and nothing to lose. When a famous coupleís child goes missing, she is thought to be another victim of a notorious serial killerÖwhose case DS Farrell just happened to have worked on. When one of the girls he failed to save from the killer begins haunting him, seemingly to lead him to the missing girlís whereabouts, he is forced to deal with the car accident that spared him but killed his wife, and must slay his inner demons to save the girl and regain his sanity.

Man, Iíve been trying for about a week to say something good about this movie, but Iíve got nothing. I know Iíve never made a movie, and it seems disingenuous to piss all over the blood, sweat, and tears of a cast and crew, but this movie just sucks. Everything it can do wrong, it does do wrong. The plot is trite, the dialog is tiresome and unrealistically expositive (when you can decipher the mumbling actors Ė must be the mouthful of scenery they all) and if you donít see the twist coming, itís just because it was too stupid to even consider.

On the nuts and bolts front, the whole affair looks like it was shot with a camcorder. The white balance is out of control to the point that it is effing blinding when it is a daylight scene, and a giant mess of grain and noise in the dark. Also, it was apparently edited by a retarded monkey with only one arm (no offense to any retarded monkeys reading this) and someone should have told the boom guy that it would have been better to have held the mike over the actors' heads, instead of burying it underground. About the only positive comment I can muster is that it is Frank Falcoís first feature, so he surely has nowhere to go but up, right?

Right. And donít call me Shirley.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen, with an aspect ratio of 1.77:1. As I said in the body of the review, it is at times physically painful to watch: you will either be squinting at the bright white, or squinting to see what is happening in the dark.

Audio: English in surround sound, with optional Spanish subtitles.
The Extras
Luckily this was a screener, with nothing but your standard trailer included.
Last Call
Once again, my apologies to the cast and crew for poo-pooing their hard work, but this one is a real stinker. The only way I can see to make it any better is to press stop. If it makes you feel any better, most people would probably assume that the more I hate a movie, the more they will like it.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

Featured Youtube Videos

Views and Counting

Mistress Of The Week

More
Waterston, Katherine